All the Days After
by EdwardsBlueBalls
Summary: Edward is a 30 year old widower trying to figure out his life after losing his beloved wife.  Can 18 yr. old Bella start over and forget her past.  This is a story of All the Days After trying to move on.
1. Chapter 1

This story is not beta'd. All mistakes are mine.

Disclaimer: Yeah. Didn't Dream it. Don't Own it.

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter One**

**EPOV**

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><p>I'm curled up on the left side of the bed. As I stretch out I feel the cool sheets on the right. Somehow I can't find myself using the whole damn bed. Just if my leg wonders over it feels weird.<p>

That was her side.

It's only been a week since I started sleeping back in this room. Everything in here is the same from nine months ago. I slowly open my eyes I'm facing her side the flash back of opening my eyes to her sleeping angelically pops up in my head and I get that same pain, right there in my heart and that just reminds me that she is gone forever.

I stare at her alarm clock that sits on her side table. It always was ten minutes head of mine. It brings a small sad smile to my face suddenly I feel my hand.

The pain

That's right I decided to punch a few holes in my wall yesterday night. Maybe the outburst will get me to finally clean this room up.

The day she died, I couldn't bring myself to sleep in here. Even today several months later I can still smell her. At times I would just come in here because I felt her still here. I think that's why I would avoid it. It was for me I would keep it like this and just live on the memory alone. But both my cousin Emmett and his wife Rosalie think its bringing the grieving process to a standstill.

"Edward is not healthy" they said.

Like I give a shit if it is

Then they always go for the jugular. "If not for you for A.J. he doesn't deserve growing up with both his parents gone. So get your shit together." They warn me.

A.J is my world, he was our world. If it weren't for him I would have off myself the moment I found out she was gone. He has to be the only person that keeps me sane in this crazy shit. His only four, at first he would ask "where is mommy, daddy?" every morning for the first couple of months. To say it out loud every day that she was in heaven because god needed her there was gut wrenching. As time has passed that question was asked every other day now I find myself not answering it at all.

I have pictures of her everywhere. I don't want him to forget her. I'm not naïve I know that he being so young he will.

I wish we would've had a second child. That was the topic of argument every time between us. I wanted to have one more she didn't.

Our son looks nothing like her, hell he looks nothing like me. While I'm reddish brown hair and green eyes my wife was all black hair and honey colored eyes. She wore her hair short since the first day I met her. So, how do we make a blond hair blue eyed baby? Genes are tricky I guess. She was adopted we figured her birth family was some blue eyed blond hair people.

" I want us to have another one. I want a little girl that hopefully will look like you." I would tell her.

She would sigh and give me her 'we are not having this conversation again' glare. I would drop it; It wasn't worth fighting with her. We were still young it could wait I would say to myself. Not sure what changed in her about having kids. When we decided to get married she was all about having a big family. I'm an only child and lost both my parents at the young age of eighteen. She herself was adopted and didn't have any other siblings. That she knew of anyway.

Two years into our marriage she gave me the best surprise ever. She told me we were expecting. Well to be honest she didn't tell me. I found the pregnancy test in the trash can outside. I remember just coming in the house grabbing her from behind and whispering to her if it was true.

The look on her face was priceless. She wanted to deny it but I informed her that I saw the test results. "Edward, just because a home pregnancy test reads positive doesn't mean it is. I was going to wait before I say anything, until I see my doctor." She also made me promise not to say anything to my cousin and his wife. Until we were positive of the results and knew how far along was she if she was.

Once she hit her second trimester we announced it to the family. Her parents were ecstatic also my cousin and wife where happy for us. They had twins a year before A.J was born so they decided to give us all kinds of advice.

We were a well-oiled machine when it came to A.J. we both would take the responsibility of getting up in the middle of the night to feed him or change him. When this was supposed to be the happiest time in our lives I noticed that things with her were a little off. I guess it was the post-partum depression everyone talks about.

Rosalie would assure me that even though she did not suffer from it, didn't mean she couldn't suffer from it. She became very depressed the first few months of our sons birth. I tried to be there for her but she would just push me away and tell me I didn't understand.

_"Edward, you just don't get it. Just give me space I need to breathe.,, I feel like your suffocating me."_

_"Baby, I just want to help you. I want to understand how I can make it better for you?" _

She would just babble about how she didn't deserve me. How I was such a good person and she wasn't. Finally we were able to move passed it with some counseling and medication.

My wife went back to being the life of the party. That's the first thing that attracted me to her she could bring a room to life. I met her when my aunt and uncle hired her for Emmett and Rosalie's wedding, she was the party planner. The first time I saw her I found her cute as hell she spoke so fast I wasn't able to keep up with whatever conversation she was trying to have with me.

A year and a half latter from Em's and Rose's wedding, we eloped.

Ironic?

Yes, the fact that the party planner did not want to plan her own wedding was funny, but necessary. I wasn't financially stable to give her a big wedding. She assured me that it didn't matter to her that the most important thing is that we be together.

But here I am nine months later without a wife, in a cold room and a broken heart.

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

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><p>Birth certificate<p>

Check

Social security card

Check

I mentally go through the inventory I need to make sure I take it with me. Because one I leave this hell hole I don't ever plan to come back.

My neighbors the Blacks are giving a ride to the bus station at approximately 3 a.m. it is now 2:55. There are no words that can describe how thankful I am to both Mrs. and Mr. Black. They are in their forties and have been our neighbors since I was 10 years old so, a little over eight years. And in these eight years they have seen the hell I have had to endure being here with my mother and her revolving door of boyfriends. Phil is the latest, which surprising enough has lasted two years.

I would prefer James. Her boyfriend before Phil. James was a lazy dead beat but didn't pay attention to me what so ever. Then Phil came in to the picture. At first he was ok. I mean nothing to annoying about him. Truth be told I never was around much to actually socialize with my mother's boyfriends. But Phil made it a point to be a "family". He wanted to go out and have movie night every Friday.

The first few months it everything was normal. Then he started hugging me. That wasn't the problem; the problem was those hugs became too long, too often and too touchy. Then the inappropriate comments about my body I told my mom and she dismissed it. Always claiming that I was being overly dramatic and that I'm just not use to a father figure since my dead beat dad left and never came back.

I guess she must have said something to him because for the few months after voicing my worry he dropped all the crude language and touching. I started going over the Blacks house to see if they needed any help in anything. They started paying me for cutting their lawn or cleaning their house. They had two German Shepard's that needed to be cleaned after and fed they would pay me for every little job I did for that I was thankful.

I was saving up to get a car. My mother works at a bar in down town Phoenix. Her pay would get us by for the necessities and her drug and alcohol intake.

Renee didn't know that I was doing all these little things for the Blacks and getting paid for it. If she would've known she would've started charging me rent.

About a month ago the money I've saved up no longer was to get a car. It was to get out of here. I had enough probably for a car that would just be to move around the city. But I wanted to leave the state I no longer wanted to stay here.

I was eighteen and needed to get out. Phil started to come in my room at night always blaming the fact that he was half a sleep and made a mistake. I started locking the door. Next thing I know my mother decides that she doesn't want me to have a lock because she known "that you have boys coming in through the window." she told me.

I'm not dumb; I know that was all Phil. I started to sneak out and I didn't care. I didn't want him to try anything again. Two weeks ago he came in my room and woke me up by putting his hand over my mouth. I tried to kick and scream. But he had laid on top of me putting all his weight on me. I was paralyzed, I started panicking and he started telling me that I was going to be his.

"Nobody knows how good you look only me. You should be thankful I find you attractive Is-a-bella "he whispered in to my ear. I could smell his bourbon scented breath.

I could smell him.

He always smelled like sweat and made my stomach turn. I never understood what my mother saw in him. He was around his early forties and his wrinkles would be more pronounced around his eyes and side of his mouth. His hair was salt and pepper he wasn't a big man, but compared to me he was big enough to overpower me.

"Always wearing your baggy shirts and those god awful sweats that are three times too big for you but you…" he started kissing the side of my face." you are a tiny little thing. Those glasses you wear just complete the nerdy girl fantasy about you I've always had"

I stopped struggling and I can feel my tears just pouring out of me.

"Don't cry, you know you like me giving you this attention." he started to sniff my hair. "Mmm…you always smell so good. Don't think I don't see how you flirt with that asshole neighbor Black. But guess what Is-a-bella he can't have you. You're all mine."

I don't know what the heck he was talking about flirting with Mr. Black? The man has always treated me like his own child. He has never done anything inappropriate.

Ever

He parted my legs, so he was now in between them. He commented on the acceleration of my heart beat. He made himself believe that it was because I was getting excited. As always he was wrong. I started to move more. I needed to make noise I needed my mother to save me. He put more weight on me and started moving up and down trying to create friction between us.

I don't know how I was able to get one arm lose from under his weight. I went to grab anything I could with in my reach all this time he's moving on top of me saying words.

Words about how he wanted me. How when his with Renee he wishes it was me.

I stopped listening and started concentrating on getting out from under him. I started to sleep with a bat under my pillow. Ever since the first few times he would "_accidentally_" get confused and walk in my room. I didn't know if I had the strength but I had to try.

I quickly reach up and am able to find the handle quickly. I wrap my hand around the handle and with the little energy I had I hit him in the back.

He jumped off and knocked down my lamp.

"You little bitch….." he yells as he looks at me with predatory eyes.

Suddenly my mother opens her bedroom door she stumbles out of it holding on to the walls. I can see her since Phil left my door open.

"What's going on here?" my mother questions as she rubs both her eyes to see clearer.

"Nothing baby, I went to the bathroom and again I got confused on the room. I should start turning on the light. Isabella got scared and attacked me with her bat." he said in the calmest voice. He even chuckled a little on the "_accidental_" attack.

"Are you ok? Bella you really need to be more careful." she slurs.

They both walk out of my room, while Phil looks over his shoulder and glares at me.

I know that this will not be the last time he will try this. He left me with no other choice. I had to get out. All the money I had saved over the last two years where going to get me a bus ticket to anywhere. I could probably survive for a month or two on the rest of the money while I look for a job.

My phone buzzes and brings me back to the task at hand getting the hell out of here. I drop my one back pack out the window Right after I follow, I can see the Blacks SUV on their drive way with the car on but the lights off.

I hurry across the lawn and jump in their back seat. Both Mr. and Mrs. Black turn back and look at me. "Ready kid" Mr. Black asks as he looks at me through the rear view mirror. I just give him a genuine smile.

More or less they know the situation. I left out the attack because knowing Mr. Black he would try and fight Phil. I didn't want to get anybody in trouble. I just told them he made me uncomfortable and I was just leaving to avoid any more problems. I think they knew more had happened but they never questioned it.

The ride was relatively short I guess the time being a factor. Not much going on in the streets of Phoenix at this time. We get to the bus station and I had already purchased my ticket the day before. I was going to Seattle, Washington I was actually born in that state.

With a hug and a good luck I was off to a new life. I had a feeling that after today everything in my life was going to change not only my address.

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><p><strong>As always thank you for reading. Review if you must.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**This story has not been beta'd i apologize for any errors.**

**Disclaimer: Didn't Dream it. Don't Own It.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 2**

**EPOV**

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><p>This day was going to be one of those days where nothing goes right. Not only do I have to fix the wall in the room from the punching I decided to do last night. Emmett just called me to inform me that Kate our nanny decided to get a little too friendly with him.<p>

Apparently Rosalie came home early yesterday to see the whole mess go down.

"Ed, it was surreal. I mean I was just fixing myself a sandwich in the kitchen. Rosie had a few interviews to get through for the receptionist for the shop."

"And the twins, where were they?" I asked.

"Remember I grounded them for painting the side of the house. So, they were confined to their room for the rest of the afternoon. I should have taken your invitation to go out for dinner." he said as he explained the rest of the situation. "Next thing I know Kate is standing in the middle of the kitchen in a pink baby doll lingerie thing that left nothing to the imagination." I can actually hear the nervousness as he went on.

"She started going on about how good looking I am and that she wouldn't tell anybody if I decided to get to know her better. I mean I was completely taken back. The first thing that came to mind was the fact that this chick has met my wife. That alone should have been enough warning to not pull this little stunt."

"Yeah, Kate looked like the type. I always wondered how long it was going to be before she pulled some shit like that with you to." I informed him

"What do you mean me to? Did she do the same to you?" he asked.

"Yeah, I didn't say anything well because I don't really deal with her. And I told her that I wasn't ready to be in any type of relationship. Especially with the one person that is supposed to take care of my son and nephews. It wasn't a big deal but then again I don't have a wi-" I stopped myself from going on. I can't believe I almost said that.

"Ed?…..Edward? …..are you still there?" Em, asked.

"Yeah, sorry….umm….I should have said something about that but I thought the girl had common sense obviously not." I was still taken back from the statement I was just going to make. "So, let me guess…Rose walked in when you were explaining to Kate that not only did you not find her attractive your wife would have your balls for even looking at someone else?"

"Ha…Ha" he said without humor. "But more or less that's what happened. I had to hold Rosie back though because I honestly thought she was going to rip off her eyes."

"Shit, that's intense. So, where does that leave us and the kids?"

"Yeah, about that I guess they'll just have to come to work with us until Rosie finds a new nanny. This brings me to the next question. Do you still want us to look for someone who will take care of the twins and A.J or did you want to do your own search?"

"Unless there is an issue with that lets just keep everything the same. I need things to stay the same for my sanity and it's easier if all of them are together. "

"Yeah, we figured as much just making sure."

Great, the kids in the shop was bound to make an interesting day. I got A.J's favorite cars back pack and put an extra change of clothes and his favorite toys that he likes to haul all over the place.

I don't remember doing that when I was a kid carrying a bunch of toys that I won't even play with. But, you can make a bet that if I don't put them in there a tantrum will be thrown. That just is not going to fly with me.

Once I got all the necessary things for the long day with all three kids running around the shop. I put A.J in his booster seat and pulled out of my garage. Like every morning Rose and Emmett are ahead of me and I see their tail lights turning down the block.

Being neighbors has its good times as well as their bad. When Rosalie found this neighborhood she immediately called my wife and let her know that the house next door was in fact on sale as well. Both of them fell in love with the houses. They even made plans to combine the back yard. Myself and Emmett had to put our foot down on that one. We came to a compromise there is a fence door that gives access to both houses.

It was strange before we had children those two where attached at the hip. I guess once motherhood hit both of them the let the friendship slip. They wouldn't talk about it but I noticed that they barley said two words to each other.

I was a few blocks away from the body shop when I remembered the date. I couldn't believe that I've forgotten that it was her birthday. I slammed on my breaks and heard the screeching sound of tires as my body jolted forward. I automatically looked behind me to the back seat to make sure A.J.'s o.k. He looked a little startled but didn't say anything.

The cars behind me started honking and I pulled off to the side. With both my hand gripping the steering wheel I rested my forehead in between. Taking deep breaths I pulled out my phone two double check the date.

Clear as day it read June 1st she would've been 30 years old today.

_What kind of husband forgets?_

_A shitty one that's what kind_

Yesterday, when I took out my aggressions out on my walls, it never crossed my mind. I quickly called Rose and let her know that I was taking a detour to the cemetery before arriving to work. Rosalie, also taken back in the fact that she to forgot her birthday. Rose assured me that Seth could finish the paint job on Mr. Johnson's car and she will tend to the front desk.

These would be one of the times where I'm grateful to be partners with them. We own a paint and body shop for cars. It's actually quite popular and business has been good despite the recession.

I quickly buy some flowers from someone selling them on the entrance of the cemetery. I feel nauseous and shitty and like a bad husband all over again. I haven't stepped foot here since the burial.

It takes me a few minutes to remember exactly where she is located I park and get A.J out.

He asks me "daddy where are we?" I tell him that its mommy's birthday and we came to give her some flowers. I hope and pray that he doesn't go into his never ending questions.

"Is she going to come down from heaven and get them? Will we see her?" I explain to him that she will just look down at them. He seems placid with that answer and just holds my hand.

As we get closer and closer I start getting more emotional. I can feel my eyes getting watery but I really want to hold it together.

"Is that the one daddy? I can see her picture, can I run there?" He asks me as he already is skipping away. I see him get there and try to hug the head stone. He looks back at me and yells "Daddy, someone already got mommy flowers!"

Sure enough her favorite white roses are laid down next to the headstone. It was probably one of her many friends that obviously remembered days before. Non like me that just by fluke it popped into my head.

Kneeling down I place the bouquet of different flowers next to the white roses. Soon as I look up and read the head stone I break down.

**MARY ALICE CULLEN**

**DEVOTED WIFE AND MOTHER**

**JUNE 1, 1981- OCTOBER 16, 2010**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

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><p>Thank goodness I decided to stay on the west coast. It was the cheapest way to travel but being confined more than twenty four hours on a small seat next to an old man that smelled like cheese was not pleasant. But I never felt better about making the decision of leaving. I know my mother loves me.<p>

Sure, she has a funny way of showing it. I just hope she figures out that Phil is a waste of time.

I left her a letter with the Blacks and they promised me that they would hand deliver it. I made them promise me to do it when Phil was not there.

Mr. and Mrs. Black got me a pre-paid phone and made me promise to call them soon as I arrived. They also told me that they had paid for the stay at a motel for a week. I was almost a mess when they handed me a little note pad with a number and an address.

"Bella, you have become like the daughter we never had. So it's important for us to know that you'll be ok." Mrs. Black said while trying to control her shaky voice. "Seth is our nephew he works at a car body shop in Seattle I called him and told him about you. He actually got you an interview at the place he works at. Apparently they are looking for a receptionist/front desk clerk. It's not a promise but it's a start." she told me with a warm smile.

I didn't know what to say.

Not only did they pay for a week of my stay at the motel, they had already got me an interview for a job. I just hugged Mrs. Black and thanked her.

"Bella, the address on here is where the motel is located." Mr. Black explains to me. "Here" he handed me a twenty dollar bill.

I looked at him confusingly. "What's this for?" I asked

"It will make my wife and I sleep a little better knowing that you will take a taxi from the bus station to the motel. We made sure that we got you in a safe neighborhood."

"But I don't need your mo-"

"Let us do this for you. The job interview is just that you need to save as much money as you need."

I couldn't argue with him he was right I didn't know if the job interview would work out. If it didn't I don't know how long it would take to actually find something. I also had to think about my living situation.

"Also, the job interview is going to be a few hours after you arrive. I told Seth you will be calling him so, he will be expecting your phone call. Seth will provide you all the information you need and please use us as references ok."

"Thank you" I told them. It didn't seem like enough for what they have done for me but that's all I had to offer.

I arrived in Seattle around six in the morning because it's a bus station taxies are already waiting right outside. The motel they got for me was only a few miles away, I checked in but was scared to take a nap. I called the Blacks letting them know that I was already in my room.

They had just talked to their nephew and he told them to have me call him at nine. I took a quick shower and got out the only outfit that would look good enough for an interview. At nine sharp I dialed the number Seth sounded young and very energetic over the phone he was just like his aunt and uncle polite, nice, and helpful.

"Don't worry, my aunt and uncle have made me your unofficial guardian here. It's just going to be easier to pick you up then have you get lost all over the city." he had a point I did not want to get lost and potentially be late to the interview . "My uncle Jake gave me the address to where you're staying. I'll call you at this number when I'm right outside ok?"

" Th…that's fine." I stumbled to say.

"Ok, so I should be there in like mmm… 20 minutes or so."

"Thanks, for everything Seth."

"No problem. You're like family now."

I don't know why but that brought a smile to my face.

Exactly twenty minutes later I was climbing into this old red truck. Seth resembled his uncle all tan skinned, dark eyes and white teeth he was like the young version of Mr. Black.

"Well, Bella let's make this all official I'm Seth Black, nice to meet you." he said extending his hand for a shake.

"Nice, to meet you Seth, thank you for doing all of this for me. I hope that your aunt and uncle didn't put you off to much?" I said while shaking his hand.

"Don't worry about it I feel like I know you there always going on about you." he tells me as he gives me a genuine smile. "So, Bella are you ready to rock this interview?"

"To be honest, I'm terrified."

"Don't be, my bosses are cool. You're going to interview with Mrs. Hale-McCarthy she does all the hiring and firing around there. Her husband Emmett is too much of a softy and the other boss Edward, well he just enjoys doing the labor. You'll never see him actually dealing with anything that has to do with the office or paper work. When you start there, you don't even realize his C in HMC Auto Shop."

Seth, talks quick I don't know if that's how he usually talks or the fact that it's a short ride to his job has him speaking so quickly.

"Where here" he announces as he pulls in to a parking lot next to this huge auto shop building. "Look, Mrs. McCarthy at first comes across like an ice queen but she has to be the nicest person I know. It's all a front just putting you up on game she could be a difficult interviewer."

I don't know if that's supposed to make me feel better.

But it doesn't.

"Ready" he asks me as I slam the truck door.

"As ready as I'm going to be" I mutter to myself following him to the side entrance.

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><p><strong>AN**:

**As always THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEW IF YOU MUST.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Not beta'd. Mistakes all mine. i apologize**

**Disclaimer: Didn't dream it. Don't own it.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 3**

**BPOV**

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><p>As we entered the building my stomach felt like a million knots. It was cool in there, I was glad I've worn the long sleeve button down blouse. I stood there awkwardly until Seth let me know what he wanted me to do. He looked back at me and pointed to the seats that where along the wall. As I went to sit down two kids ran passed me almost knocking me down.<p>

"Robby and Tommy, you better get back here now" I heard a stern woman's voice coming from the door down the small hall.

"Hey guys" Seth greeted the two young boys as they rushed passed him to the other side of the counter. "Wow, guys you better be careful you almost dropped me and you practically pushed my friend over there. Why are you guys here anyway? Did you do something to your new nanny?" he asked smiling at them.

Suddenly I heard heals tapping down on the floor looking away from the counter where Seth was with the boys and saw a tall, blond, blue eyed woman walking towards the small waiting area she was holding some papers and talking on the phone; while the two young boys where giggling at the faces Seth was currently providing for them.

"….ok, no don't worry take your time Seth just got here. Ok, bye" whoever she was speaking to left her with a pensive look on her face. "Seth, I'm glad you're here I need you to finish the paint job on Mr. Johnson's car. It's supposed to be done by noon and Edward is unable to get here early today. So…..I will take over the front desk and you can go get that done for me."

My palms started getting sweaty. I have the urge to wipe them on my pants but, how would that look? I didn't want to make any sudden moves. By the way the woman was giving off orders I assumed that was Mrs. Hale-McCarthy.

"No, problem Mrs. McCarthy Edward was almost done with it just needed small touch-ups and it should be dried and ready to go by the time Mr. Johnson is here to pick it up."

"That's good….one less thing to worry about today. Ah, was your friend able to get in for the interview?" She asked while reading the papers she held in her hand.

"Yes, she's actually sitting right over here. Bella" Seth called out to me and waved me over to where they stood. At that exact moment Mrs. Hale-McCarthy looked up from here paper work and gave me a small smile. "This is Mrs. Hale-McCarthy."

"Seth you're so polite. I've told you more than once to call me Rosalie. So, Miss…."

"Isabella Swan, sorry. Nice to meet you" I told her as I shook her hand.

"Miss. Swan the pleasure is all mines. Please call me Rosalie I think Seth likes making me feel really old with the whole "Mrs." approach"

"Oh, ok."

"Have you filled out the application yet or where you two just walking in?"

"We, just got here a few minutes ago" Seth informed Mrs. McCarthy.

"ok, that's no problem here…." She reached over to the other side of the counter and grabbed a piece of paper."I just need you to fill this out for me don't worry take your time. I have to make a quick call to the nanny agency while you fill that out for me. So, here are pens if you need any" she told me as she placed a pencil holder with a verity of pens and pencils. "Robby and Tommy I need you guys to be good for mommy. Daddy will get here with some food soon ok. Here are your coloring books and crayons" she told them while opening each book in front of them and placing the crayon box right between them. "Please stay on this side of the counter and don't be answering the phone. If it rings mommy will get it in her office I'll be right back." She turned around and looked at me. "Sorry, for the chaos I wasn't expecting bring your kids to work day today."

With that she turned around and walked in back in to the office leaving the door open. I picked a pen and sat back down and started to fill out the application.

At first it was easy enough; you know what's your last, first and middle name. Huh….address? I start looking for the little notebook that the Black's gave me with the address of the motel. I hope they don't really look into where I'm currently staying at and I also only had one reference to list.

The two boys started arguing about wanting to use the same crayon. Suddenly I heard a loud smack and one started crying. I immediately got up and walked over to the other side of the counter.

The boy with the dirty blond hair like the mother was sitting down frowning and rubbing his arm up and down the other boy with the black hair was coloring his book.

"Are you ok?" I asked the blond boy as I knelt down to his level.

He didn't answer me.

"He's your brother right?" I asked the black hair boy.

"Yeah"

"So, why did you hit him? Don't you know that you're supposed to protect each other not hurt each other" I said looking directly at him.

"He wouldn't give me the blue crayon so I took it"

"Did you ask him or just hit him?"

"He aways cries" he told me as he went back to coloring.

"You aways hit me. I don't do anything to you" the blond one muttered.

"I don't have any brothers or sisters…but if I did…I would treat them how I would want to be treated. Would you like your brother to hit you if he wanted something you had or would you want him to ask you?"

"Ask….me" he whispered.

"I think you should apologize to him."

"sowy" he said. Stood up and gave his brother a hug.

I almost fell on my butt when I heard Mrs. McCarthy's voice right above me.

"Thomas where you being mean to your brother?" she said sternley.

I guess the dark hair boy was Thomas he just looked down to his untied shoe and started stepping on the lose string.

"If mommy is using Thomas that means something happened" a very loud voice belonging to a very large man filled up the reception area..

"Finally, what took you so long?" Mrs. McCarthy asked the man.

"Baby, its nine in the morning everything that serves breakfast is packed. I tried getting here as soon as possible….. But I got your favorite" he said with a big toothy smile and waving a bag in front of her.

She just rolled her eyes, at who I'm assuming is the husband and snatched the bag right from his grip and gave him a wink.

"Miss. Swan, thank you for handling the situation with my boys. There usually well behaved when being here but you know how kids could be."

"Oh,…no worries. I hope I didn't step any bounds by intervening"

She gave me a smile and introduced me to Mr. McCarthy…or Emmett. I could see that both their boys had a lot of features from both. They were twins but not identical I guess the different color hair established that.

Robby had blond hair like the mother and deep blue eyes like the father. Thomas had dark hair like the father but lighter blue eyes like the mother. Over all those boys were beautiful.

Seriously

Mr. McCarthy is sitting in between both boys behind the counter and pulled out a verity of breakfast choices. Rosalie just rolled her eyes once more and lead me to her office. To say I was nervous was an understatement just because we seemed to start off in a good note, didn't mean that's how it would end.

"Before my boys decided to get all wild up out there. Were you able to finish filling out the application?" she asked me as she went to sit behind her desk.

I could see the many picture frames hanging behind her and some scattered along the edge of the desk. Her family looked happy. There was a picture of a man that caught my eye. There was something about him….that I couldn't keep my eyes off him. It was hard not to notice the beautiful black hair girl next to him.

They made a beautiful couple I think I might of just been trying to distract myself from my nerves.

"Ummm….yeah…I think so" I internally cringed at myself.

I sound so ….inexperience it's practically screaming out of me.

This is not going to end well.

I stretch my arm over her desk to hand her the application taking it from me she begins to reading it.

Giving nothing away -McCarthy takes a look over and places it down in front of her. Tilting her head to the side she looks at me pensively. I haven't even spoken and I feel like I've said and done all the wrong things.

"You seem like a good person." she states.

Now she is softly tapping the pen on the desk. Her eyes feel like there trying to look inside me. It feels like the minutes are dragging I don't want to look away from her.

I want to show her that I'm not this shy scared girl.

But of course, I am just that.

I decide to focus on the handsome man with the bronze hair in the picture hanging right about her right shoulder.

His smile is genuine and it brings me comfort.

The tapping of the pen becomes the only noise you hear in the small office. Suddenly she starts asking me questions.

"Seth told me last week that you weren't even in the city yet. When did you get here?"

"Um..t-this morning."

"I recognize the street name that you put down as your address. I believe there are just a number of motels there correct."

"Yes,…I…my move was somewhat sudden. I really didn't have time to look for something before I got here…but as soon as I can I will look for an apartment."

"I can see here that no prior jobs are listed. I did receive a fax letter of recommendation from Jacob and Vanessa Black. I've met them before really nice people. They seem to praise you and care about you. Well, at least that's what I got from the letter they sent me. So, I want to hear from you. Give me five words that describe you." she asked me leaning back in to her big chair. As if she's getting comfortable for my sales pitch of myself.

Five words

That's a lot why couldn't it be just one?

"Well…I'm honest, organized….polite….trustworthy….." how many is that? "And umm…loyal" I want to give off confidence but I fail, one of the reasons I didn't list it.

"All very good qualities Isabella, I see here that you are 18"

"Yes, I turn nineteen in September"

"I see here you graduated high school last year. Do you plan on expanding your education?"

"I …haven't really thought about it. But I guess that at some point, once I get my life settled here. I would love to look into taking classes at a community college."

"We, here at HMC encourage our young staff to pursue their education. If, we decide in hiring you, we try to work with our employees with their schedules and classes."

The interview lasted a few more questions. I can see that she expected better responses Mrs. Hale-McCarthy wasn't rude or unkind, actually she was sweet and kind. I just don't think she would want a shy girl who has never really had a job working the front desk to her successful body shop.

I would be the person the client would see first. I wasn't front desk material. I was one of the people that should work in the back. Where there was no way of socializing with the public.

"Well, Isabella it was a pleasure meeting you today. There are a few more applicants I have to interview before we make our final decision. We will be giving you a call, soon as we have decided who best would fit here." she stood up.

I quickly got on my feet as well.

"Thank you for your time Mrs. McCarthy, I do really appreciate you giving me the opportunity of meeting with you in such short notice." We shook hands when there was a light knock at the open door.

"Hey Rose, just wanted to let you know that I'm here." His voice was ….I don't know how to describe it.

Something about his voice made my skin heat.

I didn't know that was possible.

"Oh, ok well Seth has already started on the touch ups for the Johnson car. So, if you want to take the rest of the day ..You can."

"God, no…I need to be here…distraction is better than sitting at home…anyway A.J is with the boys in the front. I'll head back to see what I can help with sorry for interrupting." He said as he looked at me.

When I would hear things about the world stopping, the birds singing and falling in love at first sight I thought that was impossible. It makes no sense what so ever to actually look at someone once and know.

But at that moment when those green eyes looked into mine I knew it was all true.

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><p><strong>AN**

**thank you for reading. review if you must.**


	4. Chapter 4

**This story is not beta'd any mistakes are ALL mine.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. Wish i owned Robert :)**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 4**

**EPOV**

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><p>I just wanted this day to be over. It wasn't even noon yet and I just wanted to go home take a shot of something that'll make me burn inside and go to sleep to my lonely room in my empty bed. But the fact was I couldn't do that.<p>

Well, more like they wouldn't let me. Rose told me to take my time Hell take the day off if I wanted when I called her. But truth be told wallowing in my misery was not going to solve anything. I had to be there for my son.

Deciding it would be better to be productive I headed to the shop. Working on a car was probably the best therapy I could ask for. Forget paying some douche bag to sit there and ask me how the fuck I'm feeling.

Fuck. That.

Getting A.J in the car was easy he was ready to leave the cemetery and go with his cousins. The only thing that made my morning was that he sat next to Alice's head stone and had a conversation with his mother even ushering me away. "It's private, daddy. Go" I gave him, his space and his much needed time with his mother.

It hurt knowing he was growing so much each day and she wouldn't be able to see him become the man he will be.

Pulling in to the shop, I felt a little relieved that I'll be able to distract myself from doing the whole self-pitting.

Hell, I at least acknowledge the fact that I get in a funk.

A.J is already unbuckling himself from his booster seat and waiting impatiently as I get off to go open the door for him. Soon as I do he jumps off and runs to the entrance. As, I walk in I see Emmett sitting behind the counter eating and coloring with the boys.

"You, showed up, or are you just here stopping by?" Asking me as he shoved a peace of French toast in to his mouth.

He could be such a pig sometimes.

"I'm here to work. If I go home and sit there my mind starts turning and you know how that could end up like. So, I rather be productive" I told him as I scanned the room for Rose. "Is Rose in her office?"

"Yeah, she should be finishing up with the interview about now"

"For the nanny position or the front desk?" I asked. I'm sure she's loving the fact that not only does she have to find someone for here. She has to find a non slutty nanny as well.

_And I thought I was having a shitty day._

"For here" he clarified for me me as he finished chewing his breakfast.

How Rosalie Hale putts up with his manners sometimes is amazing.

"I'm just going to let her know I'm here I think I got her worried when I called her earlier" I made my way to her office.

Hearing her telling someone that she would be calling her letting her know about what the decision would be.

Apologizing for interrupting I turned my head to see the applicant.

It was strange when our eyes locked in.

There was something about her that warmed my heart.

_Today was definitely strange. _I thought to myself.

It just needed to end already.

Rose interrupted my thoughts when she asked me something. "Sorry, what was that?" I asked her as I slowly pulled away from this girl.

Yes, girl she looked like she belonged in high school.

"Oh, no I was asking Isabella if Seth is the one who gave her the ride."

"Y..yes. But if his busy I can just take a taxi or the bus…Im..Im sure I can find my way back" She stammered out while fixated on her feet.

Seth, this must be the family friend he was talking about the other day about. "Rose, I can finish off the Johnson car, it's my job anyway, I'll go tell him to take his friend home" I told them as I retreated back into the hallway.

Shaking off the weird feeling, I walked out to the paint area and told Seth that his friend was ready to go. He handed off the paint machine and was off.

I finished the last little touch up and the boys decided that it was a good idea to start running all around both garages.

This was going to drive Rosalie crazy.

Soon, as the idea entered my mind she was telling all three of them that they had time out placing each one in a different corner of her office. A.J was trying to cry his way out of it, but those baby blues don't work on that woman.

The rest of the day went. There was a big confusion with an estimate with the insurance company about a 2001 Honda civic. There were two doors to be replaced but guess insurance company thought it was just one.

Emmett started working on Mr. Lee's Shelby Mustang 1965, it was a looker. Before his wife decided to spray painted with unfaithful pig on each of the white stripes that run from the back of the car to the back.

Guess, he cheated

Rosalie was trying to keep up with the phones, the kids, walk-ins, pick-ups, and drop offs. Once five o'clock hit both garage doors where pulled down and closed for the day. I think Rosalie was more grateful the day was almost over more than me.

"Edward, bring A.J over for dinner I can't imagine what kind of food the poor kid is being subject to the last couple of months. When are you going to get someone to at least come and clean and maybe cook you two something? You know cereal and donuts are not food right?"

"Yes, Rose I do know that but pizza and hamburgers are" I said sarcastically.

She just glared at me I had to let go of Mrs. Cope because I was pretty sure she started taking things. I mean how much toilet paper could one adult and one child use up? And I swear I was buying the bulk and running out each week. Yeah, there was something up there. Then I started noticing things around the kitchen like food. Yeah, I paid her well for the little things she had to do. So, the fact that she took advantage was disappointing.

"Ha. Ha. Funny but seriously I can help you find someone. Shit, I'm already looking for here and now also the nanny one more shouldn't be a problem"

"Talking about nanny's Kate decided to get a little friendly with Emmett? I heard you got your claws out and where about to scratch her eyes out." I said with a smirk.

"Two cent slut she thought she could disrespect my home, my husband, me, and my two children that were just up stairs. Yeah, I'm looking for a woman that is in her mid-fifties and looks like hell this time around."

"Seriously Rose, Emmett would never cheat. First he knows what could happen. Second he loves you two damn much. So, the fact that Kate gave it a go, was surprising, but I wish I would've been there when you walked in" I said chuckling.

"Anyways are you going to hire the girl that was in here earlier?" I asked her as I picked up A.J toys from the counter.

"I don't know. To be honest with you she seems to inexperience for the job. Don't get me wrong she gives me good vibes but she has never had a real job. I mean she's 18 I don't know. She's such a sweet girl you should have seen how she handled Robby and Tommy today"

Without really thinking I just blurted out "so, hire her as the nanny." I stopped picking up the toys to look up and found Rosalie giving it a toss in her head.

I don't know what came over me. I felt this need to help her. There is a reason Rosalie goes through the agency when it comes to the nannies they do background checks and are screened thoroughly. A lot of help that does when they have other things in their agendas like Kate.

"Hey, why are you even listening to me? What did the agency tell you?" I asked her.

"Since its summer is hard to find someone that didn't secure a job or didn't take off on vacation. But to be honest with you I don't think I can do another day with all the boys here. You saw how they got, and this is just the first day. Maybe I can call her up and see if she's interested in babysitting for this week at least. I mean she did tell me she just got to Seattle today."

During the day since Seth is my right hand man I tried to get information about the girl. He told me as much as he knew which was very little. His uncle and aunt have been protecting her for lack of a better word because apparently her mother is more concerned about boyfriends then her own daughter. Seth hesitated to tell me more but I could tell he was about to spill I reassured him that anything he tells me would be just between us.

"My uncle made me promise to look out for her. They've been the ones doing it since she was like ten. Her mother really doesn't bother with her they think something happened between the mother's boyfriend and Bella. She just decided to leave from one day to another It took her a couple of weeks to get everything together he really didn't go into specifics but made me swear that I wouldn't do anything to make her feel uncomfortable."

Rose brought me back to the situation by calling in Seth from the garage before he took off. "Seth, I was wondering if you had an idea if your friend would be interested in the nanny position instead?"

"To be honest with you boss lady. I think anything would interest her on my way to dropping her off she mention something about applying at fast food restaurants tomorrow."

Again without thinking much I spoke out apparently I was having verbal diarrhea today. "If you don't get her as the nanny, I could talk to her and see if she would be interested in cleaning my house and cooking."

_What is going on with me?_

Both Rosalie and Seth looked at me like I was some creature with two heads. "What?" I questioned them.

"Nothing" Rosalie said "it's just ….you surprising me right now that's all" she said with a confused look on her face.

"You were just saying that I need to eat 'real' food and to replace Cope. I don't want to interview a bunch of people. You already interviewed the girl and said you liked her. That's she's just not right for this job obviously she's not being picky about where she works. I don't see the big surprise that I'm trying to make mine and your life easier." I said sounding convincingly.

The wheels where turning in that blond head of hers. I don't see what the big deal is. I need the help, she needs the money. Rosalie thinks she's a good person but to shy or introverted for here. She would just have to clean up and cook at my house no one there to impress, no one there to talk to. I didn't see why this was so out of norm.

"I think I'm going to invite her for dinner." Rosalie stated. "I want to talk to her and see if she would be interested in the nanny position. I guess we could discuss with her if she would be willing to do a little part time job with you."

Next thing I know Rosalie is telling Seth to pick her up and drive her to her house. Apparently he was invited to. Seth called her and told her he would be picking her up in twenty minutes. We gathered the kids up and buckled them in to their respective cars. On my way home I couldn't help but think about this girl. There was certainly something about her that intrigued me.

Don't know why as I pulled up to my drive way I felt guilty.

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><p><strong>AN<strong>:

Thank you for reading REVIEW IF YOU MUST.


	5. Chapter 5

**This story is not beta'd-all mistakes are mine.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 5**

**BPOV**

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><p>Thankful, I had arrived back at the motel room, because the trip was finally catching up to me. My body felt like a ton of bricks. It felt great to just lay there and not move. I closed my eyes and all I saw where green and bronze.<p>

I've never seen a beautiful man before. I was never your typical teenager I wasn't into movies or shows. So, whatever flavor of the month all girls at my school had hanging in their rooms I wouldn't know

Looking beyond the physical beauty at moment I actually looked in to his eyes and they said more than his voice did. The way his green eyes didn't seem to shine told me he was a sad man. His look mirrored a familiar one I've grown used to.

I felt this strange thing happen to my stomach when he looked at me. Refusing to obsess over it, because if I'm being honest with myself. I really don't think I have a shot in getting that job. That was probably the first and last time I'll see him. Never the less, it's a good memory to have.

Deciding to turn off my mind long enough to drift off to sleep I'd dreamt of long roads and a sad man I couldn't reach. I would try running to him, but he would just get farther away. I wanted to reach him and comfort him. I wanted to be the one to save him as I finally neared him a buzzing noise woke me up from the strange dream.

I sat up and looked around for the phone it was underneath the pillow. Grabbing it and checking the number it wasn't the Blacks, which I should call to tell them how the interview went.

Not that I think I did good but just so they know that I tried. I told Seth that tomorrow I plan to apply all over the place. As much as I want that job, I saw the doubt in Mrs. McCarthy's eyes. She was a lovely woman and made me feel comfortable but I could tell I didn't convince her that I could do the job.

I answered and to my surprise it was Seth. "Bella, get ready."

"Seth, get ready for what?" I asked confusingly

"For dinner, I'm picking you up in fifteen"

"Minutes? I don't really feel like going out. But thank you for the invitation"

"Bella, boss lady has invited us to dinner at her house. She told me to call and tell you. I'll be picking you up soon"

"Boss lady? Sorry, Seth I just woke up and I guess I'm still half asleep because I don't understand who you're talking about."

"Oh, sorry Mrs. Hale- McCarthy has invited us to dinner at her house. She wants to talk to you some more."

When he said that, it woke me right up. Jumping up and looking around the floor for my shoes. I quickly found them and slipped them on.

"Really, is it about the job? Is this like a second interview or something?"

He briefly explains that there was going to be another job offer being presented to me. He wouldn't get into specifics.

"Look Bella I'm almost there just walk outside in like two minutes. Once we get there she'll explain it to you. Don't worry it's a good thing" he said reassuringly.

Walking out two minutes after we hung up, he was pulling inside the parking lot. Jumping in the truck he gave me that big old smile. I felt much better once I saw how relax and calm he was. It took less than twenty minutes to arrive into a very nice neighborhood. All the houses where two stories and every lawn was freshly cut with deep green grass surrounding their front lawns. Seth turned in to a smaller block which was a cul-de-sac where each side had only two houses.

Pulling up to the first house on the right hand side all the nerves from earlier rushing back to me. This day has been longer than expected but I was determined to make a better impression this time around.

Walking up to the big front door I was able to take some deep breaths to calm myself down. I, at least wanted to come off as a little more confident. Seth, told me not to over think everything. Telling me he could see my brain nonstop turning by just my body language.

Seth rang the doorbell and I could hear the kids laughing on the other side. Mr. McCarthy opened the door with one child over his broad shoulders and the other one holding on to his left leg. Mr. McCarthy gave us a big smile and told me he was glad I was able to come for dinner.

"Come in, come in" he said as he waved us in. "Robby and Tommy go clean up that room before A.J comes over. If you don't do it now you won't be able to see the floor after he leaves." the twin boys rushed up the stairs.

"Follow me into the kitchen, that's where all the excitements at."

Assuming he was being sarcastic. We followed him in.

The house was big and beautiful inside as well. There was a formal living room to the right as you walked in. It was more than obvious that it really doesn't get used. To the left there's the formal dining area. The table was long dark wood and very elegant. It sat up to ten people the chairs where high and big. It screamed too much.

But who I'm I to judge.

Maybe if I had money I would consider the type of furniture that decorates this house. Personally it looked like too much to me. But I'm a simple girl what do I know.

I was following Seth who was being led by Mr. McCarthy. There was this long hallway and both walls where decorated with pictures. Big ones, small ones, black and white ones everybody in them were smiling and happy. Out of the sea of pictures my eyes once again focus in on one in particular. The beautiful man and his beautiful wife it was the wedding picture only in this one the whole family was in it.

The beautiful man's wife wasn't wearing a big bridal dress. It was simple, cute the only reason I knew it was the wedding picture was the fact that she was holding flowers. They were looking at each other as the rest of the party looked at the camera. He looked happy and she did to.

"Beautiful, right?" she asked. She startled me and I even jumped a little. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you"

Holding my hand over my heart, trying to calm myself "That's my fault, I got distracted by the pictures. You have a beautiful family"

"Thank you, especially him right?" she said teasingly and pointing at another photograph of just the beautiful man in casual jeans and a white t-shirt. I think I drooled because it was that impressive. "Sorry?"

"It's ok if you think his good looking. A lot of people do. His got that whole James Dean-rebel without a cause thing going for him."

I found it best not to reply to anything she might be insinuating. I dint want to give her any type of indication that I found him attractive.

Deciding to change the subject all together "Thank you for inviting me to dinner I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome but I must warn you it's more of a business dinner. I have a few things I want to discuss with you. I'm just waiting for James Dean to get here so we could get started."

James Dean? Does she mean the beautiful man? I really should stop referring to him that way. Knowing my nervous ramblings I tend to do sometimes, it could slip out.

This time I kept my eyes solely on Ms. McCarthy and followed her all the way to the kitchen. Well, if that was a kitchen I could just imagine her bedroom. It was big, no huge. Before I was able to really look around I just saw a little ball of energy run pass me with blond hair.

"A.J. how many times do I have to tell you to stop running inside the house. Do, you really want your aunt Ro to not invite us over anymore?"

The voice came just behind me. "Sorry, about that" he said.

My heart picked up a few beats and I just stood there.

"Took you long enough kids come and wash your hands. A.J you need to stop running in here you could fall and hurt yourself or someone else."

Mrs. McCarthy had another table in the back yard that was set up for the dinner. While all of them talked and where going on about the shop I just went off to the side so I wouldn't get in the way. Seth noticed me shying away and started asking me questions about Arizona and the heat. There was a small interaction between us but nothing was asked by Mr. Cullen. I wondered where his wife was?

We were finally seated and for my luck or lack thereof, he was seated right across from me. Great, now I wouldn't take my eyes off the plate. We started eating some real good meatloaf with some mash potato and freshly made corn bread. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I started eating. I had to slow myself down didn't want to come off as some starving homeless girl.

Half way through dinner Mrs. McCarthy started asking me about my parents. Telling her my mom did the best she could, being a single mother. "I know you must be wonderings why we invited you here today" she said as everybody finished their meal.

"I would be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued when Seth called me." I replied.

"I want to offer you a job, but not the one you applied for. I know that it might not be what you are looking for but I do like you and I think you'll be good at it"

"Not to sound desperate but I'll take whatever you're willing to give me."

"As you saw today I had nobody to look after the boys this is of course including my nephew as well. Edward and myself wanted to see if you're willing to except the nanny position. I saw how great you were with them earlier. So what do you think? Do you think you might be interested and if you are you would actually start tomorrow?"

My heart was racing fast. The fact that she even wanted to give me any job was amazing to me. I wanted to jump out of that chair and just yell YES. But I had to keep myself from grinning like a fool.

"I don't know what to say….but thank you, I'll love to work for you" I stammered out.

"Great, that's one down. We could discuss pay and days off if you like before you except." she asked

"I know that's probably the smart thing to do, but either way I'll take the offer."

Mrs. McCarthy, I mean Rosalie she told me she had to do a back ground check which I was fine with. I was just extremely grateful that she's giving me this chance to work.

First day in Seattle was already ten times better than 18 years in Arizona. After all was cleaned up from the table Rosalie and Emmett took all three boys upstairs. That just left a very quiet table of three. Suddenly Seth received a phone call, excused himself and walked away. That just left us there avoiding eye contact.

It was really uncomfortable.

He spoke up and broke the silence. "I was wondering if you're interested in a little side job?" he asked me, still not making much eye contact with me.

I didn't know what to say I was taken back, wasn't expecting this.

_I wonder if maybe they still want me to work at the shop or something._

No, that can't be it. I should answer him before he thinks I can't process simple questions.

"What kind of side job?"

"Well, I had to get rid of my cleaning lady a few weeks back, but with me being at the shop and having a four year old running around the house could get a bit disorganized. So, I was wondering if maybe you'll be interested in a part time cleaning my house once or twice a week"

"I could do that sure. I will need any extra money….I need to find an apartment and I will need a car to get back and forth with. Yeah, I don't mind If it's good for you I could do it on the weekend or something."

Or something? I could really smack myself for coming off so young and dumb.

"I don't want your weekends to be spending it working. How about you do like an hour a day or something? We could actually figure that out later. Tomorrow when we talk about the pay for the nanny position we could also cover that as well.

I told him o.k. and it went back to being painfully quiet again. Seth finally reappeared and told me that it was his aunt and uncle seeing how everything went. I guess they had called my phone but the battery had died on it. Smart.

Once Rosalie and Emmett came down again Seth told me we had to take off. He apparently had a hot date.

Rosalie told him to give me a ride in the morning and she would pay for gas, I insisted that it wasn't necessary but I soon realize you don't argue with her. What she says goes.

I had to be back here at seven a.m. sharp.

Hugging and shaking hands with both Rosalie and Emmett as we left. I started walking towards the car. Seth stayed behind because Rosalie and Emmett where discussing something about a car at the shop. Feeling a light tap on my shoulder I turn around to find Mr. Cullen or Edward as he was adamant me calling him.

"Isabella, I just wanted to say it was really nice meeting you. I hope you enjoy the job long enough to stick around for a while" he sounded a little nervous or that might have been just me being weird and seeing things.

"I hope so. I really like your family all of you seem so close"

"Yeah, we are. I just hope that we don't scare you off. We could get a little weird" he said with a smirk.

Yeah, that smirk was going to be dangerous. I really need to stop thinking about him like that his married.

_Right_

This whole evening there was not one mention about his wife?

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow" he said out stretching his arm to shake my hand.

"I guess you will I can't wait to meet your wife" I tell him. Soon as the words are out of my mouth the smile that was just upon his face slowly fades away. That same sad look takes over his eyes. He abruptly lets go of my hand, which feels tingly. He clears his throat and shoves his hands in his pant pockets.

"I'm actually a widower. She passed nine months ago" his voice was low. "Today is her birthday, that's why I was late to work" he told me.

I wanted to wrap my arms around him and comfort him. The pain was pouring through every inch of his demeanor since he told me. He was so young and his son, oh my a son so young without a mother. This explains the cleaning and I was wondering why he hadn't mentioned her.

I should really try and get more information from Seth.

Finally we climbed into the truck and said the good byes as Seth drove farther and farther away from there. I felt the need to go back and tell him that it was going to be ok.

Getting back to the motel I drifted off to sleep quickly to find myself having the same dream of a crying man next to a headstone.

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><p><strong>AN:**

**Thank you for reading review if you must**


	6. Chapter 6

**Story not beta'd all mistakes all mine.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 6**

**EPOV**

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><p>Clenching my eyes shut as I try and reach climax. I keep playing back on my mind the last time Alice gave me head, Alice giving me a hand job, or when the drought was over and we had sex after the many months of her not mentally feeling up to it because she was trying to find her biological parents.<p>

Yeah, I'm thinking about my dead wife as I try to jack off before the sun rises.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

That's a loaded question.

Faster and faster my hand keeps stroking up and down on my semi hard dick and I feel like I might just reach it but just like that I'm losing this battle.

Alice's memory is not doing it for me. It hasn't been doing it for me since….

Not even going there.

I don't want to think about soft brown eyes and long brown hair. I don't want to have any type of thought about her as I'm stroking myself.

_Too late_

Soon as she enters my mind I cum all over myself

_Great_

Wiping away the jizz with my sheets I get up and head into the shower. It's not even five o'clock in the morning and I'm in here trying hard to not punch myself.

Not sure when it happened, the lusting over my son's nanny. For crying out load she's like a fucking Teenager.

Pervert.

It's been a month since she started and once a week she comes by and does light cleaning and some laundry for me. It's the only time that we actually spent alone.

I try to act natural around her and if Rose and Em are around even more so. Rose has eye's like a fucking hawk. The second week she was here Rose came by to check up on us. (yeah, like I'm a fucking child) and she caught me staring a beat too long at her as she bent down and picked up something off the floor. Clearing my throat I walked away and locked myself and A.J in his room for the rest of the day.

I should've known better than to think that Rose would let it go. Hell, I even thought she might have not seen it.

But like a lot of shit I was definitely wrong.

"So, what do you think about Bella?" she asked me as she tried to act like she was going through some numbers..

"She seems fine. A.J really likes her so that's all that matters to me." I said casually.

"She seems to be doing well at the stuff you have her doing on Saturdays." she commented.

"Rose, it doesn't take a fucking genius to do laundry or clean a little."

"Well obviously it might since you don't like doing it."

"There is the difference you pain on my ass. I don't like doing it. Plus I like to have more time with A.J on the weekends to do more things. Cleaning and doing laundry are not the best things to do if you're bonding."

"I guess you're right. Anyway I like her she's sweet and I been thinking about letting her move in"

"What?" I asked because I thought she had found a place to stay a while ago.

"I don't thinking she's in a safe environment. She was telling me that the room she's renting is okay but that the boyfriend of the woman keeps insinuating things at her. She's already started looking somewhere else."

Maybe I should take her home next time instead of letting her take the bus. I could possible kick someone's ass for trying to be a douche bag.

"If she's not safe then she should get the fuck out of there. I could help her move if she needs to do it soon as possible."

Rose finally looks up at me and gives me that stare of hers. The one that says I know what you're thinking you perv.

Well maybe that last word is not included but she can read me and she gives me a big smile.

"Thanks Edward for offering I'll get to it. Em's ok with it and the fact that I know she doesn't want my husband makes the choice of moving her in much easier."

How does she know? Does she have a boyfriend that no one's mentioned? Has she met someone at the daily park outings she's doing with the boys? Is it that ass hole from across the street with his predictable douchey convertible?

Seriously who the fuck gets a convertible when you live in Seattle fuck it rains here more than anything.

Dumb fuck

I've seen how he always "_bumps_" in to her as she is returning from the park with the boys.

With his "how are you beautiful" and "my day just got better"

Dick

I just don't want his nearly forty year old ass taking advantage of the young girl.

Okay so I'm here cumming all over myself with just the thought of her.

I see where the hypocrisy lives.

But I see it in his face Mike is like a fucking animal trying to prey just to sleep with her. I feel the need to protect her.

_oh yeah and the need to be in her._

Pervert.

Drying myself off and slipping into some sweats and t-shirt I go and remove the sheets from my bed. I think I'll wash these myself.

Making myself a black coffee and some toast I sit in my kitchen and wait for the dryer to let me know it's done. Since I had time to kill I ended up doing the few loads that were needed.

It's almost seven in the morning and she should be here soon. I get up and take a look in the mirror the dark circles under my eyes are not too bad but I could look better.

I have to get A.J up and ready because Rose and Emmett invited him to go to the zoo today with his cousins. For the first time it'll be just me and her.

Maybe I could talk to her a little bit more. See, if she opens up about her plans. I want to know how long she's planning on doing this. More like I want to know when she plans on leaving.

At the thought of her leaving my heart does this squeeze that it only did when I thought about the absence of Alice.

_Alice._

I feel like I'm slowly letting her go. I use to wake up with her on my mind. She would follow me to work and sit herself there for the rest of the day. Just constantly in my brain in my soul. Returning home and picking up A.j she was always there but some things changed.

Emmetts has been trying for me to start going out like, out with women. He might be right because this jacking off business is just not doing it for me anymore. And to be completely honest I feel like a creep getting off on an eighteen year old.

Pervert.

I go up and wake up A.J I had to remind him about the zoo so he won't give me any problems getting him ready. It works and I have him dressed and sitting down for some breakfast when the doorbell chimes.

She's here I almost want to jump up and down like my four year old son.

I get it; there is something completely wrong with me.

I reach the door and open it and there she is with my dick of a neighbor right behind her.

_What the fuck?_

"Bella, come in. Mike can I help you?" I asked him as Bella stepped in my house. I made my body language clear that the invitation to step in was not extended to him.

"Well, actually I wanted to speak to you about Isabella." he answered.

I wanted to say 'what about her you ass' but I refrained.

I gave him a confused look because well, I was.

"What about Isabella?" I replied.

"I was wondering if maybe I could use her services as well. You know to clean around the house. I asked her but she told me that you're her boss. So, I'm asking you."

"You have a cleaning service that comes to your house twice a week. What are you talking about?"

He seriously is searching for an ass beating.

"They're not doing a very good job. So, I thought since both you and Rose use her she must be good."

"Look Mike" I said pinching the bridge of my nose. He's starting to irritate me. "Bella has a lot going on right now from taking care of the kids and still coming in on Saturday to do some really light things around here. I don't think she could take on another part time job." I inform him.

"I get it Cullen. I wouldn't want her working somewhere else either if I where you."

I didn't like his tone.

"What exactly are you insinuating Mike?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"I'm not insinuating anything. Is just ….I get it" he smirked.

Smirked the asshole.

"That just makes one of us because I still don't know what the fuck you're talking about. But before I decide that I don't give a fuck I suggest you get the fuck out of my property before I throw our ass off it."

"Aren't we defensive? Look Cullen I'm not judging. After all you are a man and she well she's a very cute girl."

The only reason I didn't reach over and grab him by his tiny neck was the fact that Robby and Tommy came rushing in. Em saw that I was about to lose it not sure if he heard what he said but was able to get Mike out of my sight before I beat the shit out of him.

Emmett came in and gave me a knowing look. I just waved him off and told him I'll explain later. I had them wait until A.J finished his cereal. Once he was done I handed Emmett A.J's little sponge bob back pack with all his snacks and water.

Next thing I knew I was standing alone in my living room seeing how Em's Suv drive away. For the first time we're alone.

Not that anything will happen. I mean how many porn story lines start off this way with the cleaning girl and the boss.

I'm giving myself a hard on.

Pervert.

"Edward" I heard her call out my name from the laundry room.

It took her two weeks to just call me that. She insisted upon Mr. Cullen but that just made me feel even older and creeper because my mind started thinking about porn's about teachers and students.

Pervert.

"I'm not sure what you want me to do. Most of the laundry is done I finished folding the one that was in the dryer." she was saying as I walked over to the little room by the kitchen.

"Oh, yeah sorry about that I couldn't sleep so I got up with the intension of just doing my sheets I ended up doing the little bit of laundry that had accumulated."

"I guess I could do some cleaning."

But truth the house was spotless from last week when she spent most of the day cleaning it. I've tried to maintain in throughout the week. I don't want the poor girl to overdo it either.

"The house is still pretty clean from last week"

"Oh, umm….I could do something in the yard or mow your lawn?"

"Bella, I have a gardener it's not necessary."

"So…I guess I'll leave." she said almost disappointedly.

She probably thinks she made a trip all the way over here for nothing and now on top of that won't get paid for this week. Before fully realizing it I found just the thing that she could do today.

"I was planning on cleaning out my wife's things from my room."

I really hadn't thought about it but I guess this is as good at time as any to start.

"Oh, yeah I could go through the stuff if it's too hard for you" she almost seemed relieved that I had found something for her to do. Poor girl must be hard up for the money.

I led the way to my room. I was feeling guilty for thinking about her in more then you're my nanny type of way. I was feeling even guiltier that I couldn't get off with the thought of my dead wife but this girl.

Forget pervert I've just upgraded to sleazy fuck.

I opened the room and the first thing insight is my naked bed where only a few hours ago I was being a disgusting old man.

I cleared my throat. "The big closet is full of a lot of clothes. Some things she wore a lot some was maybe worn once. But there are a lot of things that still have the tag." I explained as I went over and walked in the closet. "I'll be bringing some boxes I have in the garage so we could just pack them and donate everything. You're welcome to take anything you might like. Like I said there is plenty in here that never got used"

"I couldn't" she said softly

"I hope you do. Take anything that you might need. Trust me if she was alive she would have given you the clothes of her back. That's the way she was." I said sadly.

And just like that I was out the room down the stairs and in the garage gathering the boxes. I had to lean against the wall to take a few breaths. It felt like I was losing my wife again. Getting rid of all her things was officially it.

I was starting to move on.

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><p><strong>AN**

**As always thank you for reading and review if you must.**


	7. Chapter 7

**didn't dream it. dont own it.**

**sorry for the delay i was having tech. problems. all better now new laptop. so no excuse for delays.**

**All mistakes are mine. **

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 7**

**BPOV**

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><p>My heart was beating almost out of my chest. The thought of being here alone with him, I mean I knew nothing would come of it, but still to be near him more than a few minutes made me feel happy. It might just be me but it almost seems like he tries to avoid any type of contact, again which could just be me.<p>

I've been working for both the families now for a month roughly, and I can't complain. They have to be one of the nicest down to earth people besides the Blacks that I've had the pleasure to be around. The kids are a handful but I love them. They are the sweetest boys, and I think they like me too. So, that's a plus.

The only thing I have a problem with is that I don't get to interact with Edward as much as I would like. Oh, yeah and the other thing I could do without is their neighbor Mr. Newton.

Creep.

He's always outside when I'm walking to or from their house, always with his hellos and goodbyes. Someday he wants to engage in actual conversation with me. I don't want to be rude but the way he looks at me is uncomfortable. This reminds me of my roommate's creepy boyfriend. I like her she's sweet but her boyfriend looks at me like Mr. Newton looks at me. And both those looks remind me on how Phil use to look at me.

I don't know what they think, do they think because I look a certain way I don't respect myself and will throw myself at the first signs of flirting? I'm not a naïve little girl anymore. I stay out of their way they haven't done much for me to really take any type of action but I am cautious around them. I try not to smile a lot or give any sign of encouragement.

On my way here today I knew that AJ would be joining Rosalie, Emmett, and the boys to the trip to the zoo. But I thought Edward would find something to do outside of the house and not be here with me. I was wrong I'm happy I was wrong.

So, here I am sitting in the middle of the massive closet filled with every kind of article of clothing for every type of season. All very pretty and elegant of course they belonged to his wife. The thought of her being deceased for so long and his room still has the feel of her all over the place it's so sad. I noticed when I walked in that the hair brushes in the vanity where still there along with make-up and perfumes.

Can't blame him, it must be difficult to let go of someone you love especially if they died so young. My heart broke for him. He always seems lost in thought, his probably thinking about his wife.

Right now I can't contain the joy I feel in my heart and the funny feeling I get in my stomach when I am near him. He went to buy some big boxes so we could put away all the things that are going to be donated to charity.

There was no room for any more clothes to fit in that space. There was a shelf up above all the clothes hanging and what looked like every color sweaters where neatly folded and stalked up . Deciding to start with those I went in search of a stool. Luckily I was able to find one folded right behind the door. I seen pictures of her and she seemed shorter than me so it made perfect sense that she had one of these in there.

I was able to bring down each stalk of about four sweaters. I would unfold them and shake them up a little just in case there were any spiders or dust on them. They have been sitting there for almost a year. On the third stack I brought down it felt a bit heavier than the previous ones. When I started to extended the second sweater of that pile a book was in between it. It fell right to my feet. When I bent down to grab It was open and I notice that it wasn't a book but like a journal or note pad. I could see the handwriting being very neat. I closed it so I could look at the cover and in the corner of it there were initials M.A.C.

The journal was black with a pink ribbon that you tied it closed with. I reopened it to the first page and it _read_:

_To the woman that stole my heart. So, you can write your hopes and dreams and not forget them._

_j.W_

As I read that I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. i turned the page and there was picture of a good looking man. He looked to be in the same age group of Edward maybe even a couple of years older. Long blond hair he almost reminded me of a hippie but his clothes where of a gray suit. He almost _looked_ like a teacher or something.

I don't know why I decided to turn the picture around. It said a date of maybe five years back and it was the same handwriting as the one on the first page of the journal.

_You ask and you shall receive my _heart_. This is so you don't forget me or miss me when we can't see each other._

I knew that something not good, not good at all was hiding in this book. My head was telling me to put in the boxes like you never saw it. But my hands had other plans it turned the page to the first entry.

_I wish I could see you every day. I wish that we had met sooner. I wish that I belonged to you and you to me. I never thought that I could love so deeply. Now I know that what I've felt before is nothing compare to what I feel for you. I wish our love would be as free for the world to see. I hope its soon._

My eyes couldn't believe what they were reading it was small entries for many pages of gatherings and moments. Unspoken communication out in public, there was one of them bumping into each other at the store with each of their spouses and how it hurt to dismiss each other.

There was a page on how guilty she felt about how she was slowly separating herself from Edward.

_I can't help how I feel. I love him and even though I will break Edwards's heart I have to do what I have to do…._

_Today I blamed it on the search of my birth parents…._

_Today I was depressed, he tried to have sex and I had to push him away. I've been doing this for months but he still looks at me with love. …._

_My best friend will hate me when I tell him that I've been cheating…._

_I think Rose saw us today, I've been avoiding her but the glares she gives me when we are with Edward and Emmett is enough to know that I've been caught._

_He told me he was leaving her. I'm so happy I just have to do the same. We will be together at last…._

Page after page of the affair, I started to feel numb I couldn't handle it. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse it did.

_His wife just told him she's pregnant. He swore to me they no longer where having any relations. He lied he can't leave her he told me. That it broke his heart but he couldn't leave her that it was his wife and his unborn child._

_What about mine. What about our unborn child._

AJ wasn't his.

He could never see this he could never know. I wonder if Rosalie knows that AJ is not Edwards. This would explain the almost cold tone to her when she ever speaks of her.

I hate her.

I never knew her but how could she do this to him why would she do this to him?

The questions and confusion was more than I could handle I had to hide this back where it was. I needed it to disappear. I couldn't let him find it. I was still holding the book to my chest as my brain was processing everything I just read. I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear the footsteps coming up the stairs, I didn't hear the door open , until I felt him behind me and his voice asked

"What is that you have there?"

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><p><strong>AN: the chapter is not too long but next chapter will be. its epov so yeah that should be intresting. sorry for the update to be a month but rl and all that bull that i'm sure you could careless about.**

**thank you if your still reading this. i promise next update will be soon like a few days if possible.**

**review if you must. even if it is to tell me how much i suck at updating. promise no more waiting like that.**

**oh yeah if your also reading IC its with my beta and hopefully will update it this week.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Don't Own it. **

**all mistakes ate mine.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 8**

EPOV

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><p>I thought I had enough boxes but Alice has more clothes than I realized. I left Bella packing up something's as I went and bought some more. The truth I just needed to get away as well. Being in the same room as her is hard both physically and emotionally. But we were almost jammed into the closet it's pretty big but with all the things the space is minimal.<p>

I took my time going and getting back. My mind had to clear a bit, somehow today became emotionally challenging. I know that I'm doing the right thing getting all the things out. It's good for my sanity, it doesn't mean that I'm forgetting who she was its just I need to get my life to resemble normalcy for at least my son.

I wish I didn't let him go today I need him here to at least distract me with his never ending questions about soldiers and cars. I find it a little odd that he is intrigued with soldiers and war. I don't let him watch any cartoons or movies regarding those subjects but when I'm not looking his stuck watching the history channel, his too much sometimes.

Once I felt a little better and my heart wasn't racing anymore I headed back to the house. I had this feeling that I couldn't shake off. It was a bit unsettling. It was like the feeling I got right before I found out about my parents or Alice.

The first thing I do is call Em and Rose to see if everything is alright. The phone rings three times when finally Emmett answers. "What up bro, checking up on little man already?"

"I just wanted to see if he was behaving, put him on."

"His actually in the restroom with Rose, I could call you back once they're out."

"No, it's okay I'll be home and I'm clearing out my room I'll just talk to him once you guys get back."

"Oh, ok just a few more hours Edward did you want us to pick you up some dinner on our way back?"

"No, it's fine I have some stuff here I'll make something."

As I pulled up to my drive way I hung up with Emmett. i thought that making sure everything was alright with him would make me feel a little better but it didn't.

I made my way into the house it was extremely quiet. Not that I think that Bella should be stopping around up there but it was as if she wasn't there at all. Maybe she's taking a break; it is a lot of clothes that is up there. Why did I ever let her get out of hand with shit like that?

Deciding to leave the boxes I just purchased down stairs until I can bring down the other ones that are packed and ready to go. I make my way up the stairs; something about that walk was unexplainable. I was hoping that I didn't catch Bella stealing or something. The thought is laughable she would never do anything like that.

I can see her standing in the closet; she seems almost dazed and lost. She's facing the right side so her profile is to me. I notice something clutched in her hands and held up to her chest.

I move in closer until I'm standing almost too close to her. "What you got there?" I ask.

She jumps a little startled and pulling a book even tighter to her. "Oh, my god! You startled me" she exclaims closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

"I apologize, I thought you heard me coming up the stairs, I really didn't mean to scare you."

"No, no I was just lost in my own head and you caught me by surprise, I'm fine. Fine." She assures me.

But it's visibly obvious that something is most definitely not right.

"What's that in your hands?" I questioned again.

She looks down at it as if she had forgotten that she was holding something. "Oh, this…I mean..i didn't…it fell….don't think I read it…" she rambled on.

I grab her shoulders so she's facing me completely. "Bella" I say in a calm tone "Breathe, it's okay. What I gather is it fell and you didn't read it. I'm not sure but can I see it."

Before she hands it to me I can see all the blood drain out of her face. She mumbles and looks down and tells me that she didn't mean to read it.

"I skimmed through it. It had fallen…at my feet and it was open I wasn't sure, ..what it was …I thought It was a book." She tells me. The whole time with her eyes cast down she stretches her arm to hand me the book but she's shaking and I reassure her that I'm not upset.

Finally taking the book from her the first thing I notice is the initials engraved in the front cover, M.A.C. I don't ever remember seeing this. I can feel her looking at me now as I examine the outside of the book. As I open the cover she speaks up.

"I think I should take some of the boxes down stairs."

"Oh, no let me help you. There far too heavy." I tell her. But I want to see what this book is. "You know what would you go down stairs and see if you can make us some lunch."

"Yes, of course." With that she was walking out the room. Right before she turns to completely be out of sight she looks at me and sadness is pouring out of her.

What happened, I was only gone for about 30 minutes. The mood had changed dramatically in here, it felt heavy and dark. That feeling was growing inside of me the longer I held on to the book I went to sit down in my bed and opened to the first page.

There was something written in handwriting that didn't belong to my wife.

_To the woman that stole my heart. So, you can write your hopes and dreams and not forget them._

_ J.W_

Who the hell is J.W and when exactly was this given to her?

I turned the page to find Alice delicate writing in bedded in the page. The first date on there is about a few years back we must have been married for a couple of years at that point.

_What is this? _

Some type of journal. She never mentioned it I almost feel like I'm invading her privacy. But the dedication in the first page is eating away at me. With that feeling holding on strong I settle back on my bed to begin reading. A picture slips down on to my lap.

It's a man, tall and thin. We look to be around the same age. He looks familiar, like I've met him before. I turn the picture over to find the same writing from the journal in the back of it. My heart starts beating fast as I read the words in printed there.

This can't be what I think it might be.

There is no way, she…

To put my own thoughts at ease I start to read the first entry.

3/16/05

_I wish I could see you every day. I wish that we had met sooner. I wish that I belonged to you and you to me. I never thought that I could love so deeply. Now I know that what I've felt before is nothing compare to what I feel for you. I wish our love would be as free for the world to see. I hope it's soon._

_3/28/05_

_Edward is pushing the family issue. I've already started avoiding any type of intimacy with him. I know that he'll give me time if I tell him I'm to wrapped up in the search of my birth parents. I feel bad really bad that even that is a lie. I have no plans on looking for people who didn't want me._

I wanted to stop. I didn't want to keep reading how she cheated on me for months on end. I wanted to scream and throw this book out. But I didn't I sat there until I read every word written in there.

The many encounters in public places, the sex the infidelity not only physically but emotionally. It was almost laughable when she wrote about not wanting to hurt me.

What did she think that by saying in or writing it enough times it wouldn't happen or that it made her some good person?. I don't know why but I couldn't put the damn thing down.

The words, each of those words that expressed how much love she felt for him and how basically I was a dumb bastared for being so fucking devoted to her. How my love made me so blind I couldn't see the fucking obvious.

Was she that good or was I that fucking stupid and blind. The more I read the more it felt like another stab wound was bleeding the life out of me.

I read how much time it took them to make love or in my eyes have dirty fucking sex.

_That fucking bitch_

I fucking hate her. I still wish she was alive but now, now I wish she was alive so I can scream and tell her what a dirty fucking whore she is. What a fucking slut and how I fucking hater her.

Hate her.

It's amazing the anger that has built up in less than an hour. The double life she led, what a fucking moron I was. She must have laughed at me every time she went and sucked his dick and came home to her dumb devoted husband. The naïve one, that didn't realize that she was screwing over.

Ha, screwing that was the last thing she was doing when she was fucking that bastered.

I didn't even realize that I had been pacing at this point I can feel the anger building my hands were shaking I stopped at the side table that had our wedding picture, of us smiling looking in too each other's eyes.

"AAAAHHHH!" I screamed as I grabbed it and threw it against the wall.

It felt good.

It felt good to fucking destroy the lie. I looked over her vanity all her perfumes and her make up still sitting there mocking me. I grabbed the whole thing the whole vanity and flipped it.

"FUCK YOU. YOU STUPID BITCH. I HOPE YOUR BURNING IN HELL. I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING!" I was yelling at the room at the journal. "I GAVE YOU MY LOVE AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU FUCK SOME OTHER MOTHER FUCKER. FUCK YOU. I BEEN SITTING HERE FUCKEN MISSING YOU!"

My mind was frantic my words where loud I wanted her to hear me to feel the pain she so much didn't want to cause me.

Suddenly something hits me. If she loved that motherfucker so much why didn't she leave me? I pick up the journal and desperately try to find where I left off.

8/12/05

_I think Rose saw us today, I've been avoiding her but the glares she gives me when we are with Edward and Emmett is enough to know that I've been caught. _

_8/15/05_

_Rose confronted me and demanded for me to tell Edward. I told her it was a mistake and that I wasn't going to do it again. I don't think she believed me. She threatened to tell him if I didn't. She won't want to hurt him; she'll wait until I do it. It's going to be soon I'll just tell him that I don't feel the same and I need time for myself. He doesn't need to know the rest. After time passes he'll realized I've moved on. And that would be that he won't have to suffer too much. Well at least I hope._

Rose knew, she fucking knew and didn't tell me shit. I just look like the stupid chump that his wife cheated on. I feel like a complete idiot. I wonder if Emmett knew I wonder if this whole time not only Alice was making me look like a fool but rose and Em.

The only person I have in this whole world is A.J.

A.J for the first time he has crossed my mind and that feeling that was already pouring out of me got even worse as the thought entered my mind.

His he mine?

I rush back into reading the damn journal. The only reference to this assholes name is J that's it. She picked A.J middle name.

She wouldn't have?

And there it was the final entry.

11/11/05

_His wife just told him she's pregnant. He swore to me they no longer where having any relations. He lied he can't leave her he told me. That it broke his heart but he couldn't leave her that it was his wife and his unborn child._

_What about mine? What about our unborn child?_

Oh, god no.

She wouldn't, she fucking wouldn't do this to me.

To us

I want to remember I want think back on how she slept with me after the many months of her not being 'up to it'.

She just came in the room, I remember her looking sad and she just straddled me and started kissing me. Almost like wanting to forget something now I know it was someone and she was setting up the pregnancy.

I remember her taking the pregnancy test and hiding it. I remember how she didn't want anybody to know until she got it checked out by the doctor.

That fucking lying piece of shit.

But there still hope that his mine. I quickly pick up the picture that was hidden in the journal of the guy. I stare at it until I think my vision gets blurry and I can't deny it any longer. A.J is his. I don't need a DNA test to prove it. The same blue eyes the same nose.

Fuck I even bet that the J is for Jasper.

My world has just ended again.

But instead of crying it out of me I took it upon myself to destroy the room that was a lie.

Every picture every object that was ours I started throwing things breaking I couldn't stop. The room started to resemble a war zone. i finally slid down the wall brining my knees up to my chest. I closed my eyes and started crying.

It wasn't low and quiet shaking. It was loud and painful. The pain the despair felt for not only the loss of my marriage but most importantly the loss of my son.

He's not mine.

That hurt more than the joke of a marriage I was in.

I was crying so much and so loudly that I didn't hear the door open. I just felt a jolt touch my arm. I lifted my head up and was met with soft brown eyes filled with tears of their own. I wanted to reach to her and have her hold me, but I'm sure this is part of my imagination. She's even on my mind when all this shit is swimming around my head. Next thing I know were hugging, I'm holding on to her because she's real her warmth, her sent, and her embrace. All of it is real and her sincerity written all over her face is true. And I, I just hold on because right now if I don't I'll drown. I'll slip and never make it back up.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading review if you must.<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Didnt dream it. dont own it.**

**all mistakes are mine. sorry :(**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 9**

**BPOV**

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><p>Feeling like I was about to throw up I made it down stairs as I left him with the truth in his hands. I wanted to call Rose and tell her. I knew that the calmness he portrait now was not going to be there for much longer. I was afraid of how badly this would impact everybody.<p>

How is it going to feel from thinking you knew somebody to finding out that the whole thing was a lie. I'm hurting for everybody here. A.J will be the most affected besides Edward they are each other's world, and to find out that he's not his.

I make my way to the kitchen and start pulling out things to make sandwiches. After reading I'm sure the appetite will be lost I can see my hands still shaking, damn if I would have heard him coming up I could have hidden the damn thing.

I finished making the sandwiches when I found it odd that I could hear nothing coming from upstairs. I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad one. Soon as the thought crossed my mind I heard a loud bang and a yell.

He sounded angry, hurt.

I wanted to run up and hug him and tell him that it'll be fine that everything will work itself out. But this is more than a cheating wife; this is a child that isn't yours.

I decided to call Rose when I heard him yelling things at her, like she was there with him. I was able to make out every' Fuck' and' Bitch' he yelled out with all he had.

The phone rang and she picked up right away.

"Edward?" She asked, since I was calling from his landline.

"Actually, it's Bella." I corrected her.

"Hey Bella this is a surprise, oh is Edward checking up on A.J. again. God he could be such a pain some days. Tell him he's fine Emmett has him in the reptile exhibit. There is no way in hell I'm going in there."

"No, he doesn't know I've called you. I think you guys should come home soon. I found something today." The phone grew silent. I know that my voice sounded worried and scared.

"You're scaring me Bella. What exactly is going on?"

"I was cleaning out the closet in his room. You know the one with all his wife's things."

"Uh-huh"

"In between some sweaters there was a journal. That I was unable to hide from him"

"A journal? Of Alice?" she asked sounding a little bit on edge now.

"And the way you sound I take it that whatever is in there is not good."

"I tried hiding it, I really didn't mean to read it but –"she cut me off.

"Bella, its ok relaxes, I was afraid some shit like this would happen. Great I'm going to gather the boys up and head that way. I wish I could tell you that I'll be there in a few minutes but I can't guarantee it. I'll try to make it less than an hour."

"Oh, ok. It's just he's been up in the room for a while and it sounds like a lot of things are broken."

"Can't blame the guy, by any chance how much did you read?"

"I just kind of skimmed through but none of it was good." I replied. "Oh, and Rose"

"Yeah"

"There is a part that states that you knew"

"FUCK! " She said loudly. "Ok, I'm on my way. If anything happens before we arrive call me. And Bella"

"Yeah"

"Thanks for the heads up"

And with that she hung up.

Now it was a waiting game. Waiting, for him to come down or Rosalie and Emmett to arrive. I didn't know what to do if things got worse with just me here. Suddenly the silence became eerie after hearing things being thrown and broken. I walked up the stairs quietly and a little scared if I'm being honest with myself. I stood right outside the door and that's when I heard him. The most heart wrenching noise I could hear him sobbing. I can feel his pain and hurt. I can feel my heart breaking all over for him. I can feel the weight of everything he just read and found out settling in this house.

Without really thinking I slowly opened the door and saw the disaster the room was. It was unrecognizable. I couldn't tell where her things landed. The mattress was tossed from its base and sitting in the middle of the room with what it looks like all her things on top destroyed.

And just like the room I found him sitting on the floor with his knees up to his chest and his head hidden from the world and destroyed. The only thing that came out of there was the desperate cry. My body was doing things I would never do I kneeled in front of him and reach out to touch his arm. I wanted to let him know that I was there. I know I startled him and he looked up at me. I saw the raw emotion. The pain was sketched on his face as the tears stained his beautiful face. His green eyes shined because of the moister in them but even though they looked beautiful it was because he is suffering.

He's looking back at me as if I'm not really there. At that moment my arms go around him and he embraces me back. I can feel him squeezing me closer and tighter to him. It's as he's holding on to dear life.

I don't know how long we're like that. I don't know when Rose and Emmett arrive until I hear Emmett yell both our names. We pull away from each other and I look at him and automatically go to wipe away the tears that haven't stopped shedding since we embraced.

I tell him that I'll go down there and tell them to come back later but he gets up and rubs his face with his hand and asks me to take the kids to their house and tell Rose and Emmett that he will be down in ten minutes.

I do as I'm told and give him one last hug as we stand there. He thanks me and walks in to the bathroom. I hear the faucet turn on as I'm walking down. Emmett looks mad, I have never seen him upset but right now it almost scares me. He's completely standing in the other side of the room not looking at Rose. Rose seems worried and upset as well.

Not that I expected that they should be happy go lucky but the air is strained between them. Emmett walks up to me soon as I step off the last stair.

"Bella need you to take the boys to our house and keep them occupied. I've already told them that we have some important things to discuss with Edward and that A.J is sleeping over. Rose told me that he has some spear clothes over there so you don't need to take anything right now."

The whole time he kept on glancing up the stairs, like he was waiting for Edward to appear.

"Edward told me to inform you that he should be down in a few minutes. I'll just get the boys and head out." I told him as I walked to the kitchen where the boys waited. "Come on guys lets go who wants to watch a movie." I ask. All of them started jumping and screaming 'I do, I do'

Before I was completely out Rose came up to me "Bella, wait."

"Yeah"

"How bad is it?" She asked worriedly.

"If the state of the room is any indication it's pretty bad. And the fact that I saw a broken man lost and alone….I just don't know how his going to move on from this." I said and I could feel my eyes filling up with tears all over again. I rushed out to catch up with the boys that were already waiting for me by the gate that connects both back yards.

As I closed the gate once we were on the other side. I looked at the screen door and I could see Rose still standing in the kitchen looking uncertain. Whatever information she has will be vital to what happens next.

"Be-lla! Hurry up, come on" Tommy whines I look back at them and tell him I race them to the door. They all start running towards the sliding door. I get them in their room and settled watching a movie. Made them some popcorn, deciding that I was too nervous to just sit there and enjoy the movie I headed down stairs to make some food for them.

Lost in my thoughts again I didn't hear A.J come down until he was hugging my leg.

"A.J what's wrong buddy? You don't want to watch the movie?" I asked him as he is now sitting on the floor hugging my left leg.

"Robby and Tommy fell asleep."

"Do you want to take a nap as well?"

"NO, I want to go home."

"You can't right now sweetie. Hey, you hungry I'm making you some mac and cheese"

He just nods his head yes and I go to wash his hands and sit him down on the table. It looks like Tommy and Robby weren't that sleepy because they came down stairs ten minutes after A.J. I served them food and they were eating when I heard a car screeching down the street.

I rushed out and all I could see was the tail lights of Edwards's car turning. You could smell the rubber in the air and I look over to his house and there stood both Emmett and Rose looking even more worried than before.

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><p><strong>AN: the bella ch. right now are shorter because they pretty much set up the next ch. with the edward pov. there is a lot to tell but i rather be in his pov. it will eventually even out, plus for whatever reason its easier to write epov. what does that say about me?**

**i want to thank all of you that alerted and favore it, to those who reviewed i replied if i didnt that means your pm is off but i thank all of you for taking the time to read and drop a word or two. **

**so far i want to update twice a week t & th. i'm in the middle of writing ch 12 so i'm trying to be at least 3 ch a head so i need to get those done now. i hope that i can keep that til the end. **

**i think i made this long enough. thank you for reading and review if you must. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Didn't Dream it. Don't own it. I'm ok with that, but i do wish i owned Rob;)**

**Thank you to JMac3 for offering her pre-reader services. You have no idea how thankful I'am that you like my story enough to help me with it.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 10**

**EPOV**

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><p>Turning on the water so I can splash some on my face it feels good as the cold substance hits my skin. I grab on to the sink as I look at myself in the mirror. I feel like I'm looking at a stranger, I want to point at him and laugh, let him know that he's been nothing but a joke to the woman he loved for so long.<p>

I can see thirty years race into my features. In the last hour or so I've aged, I start blinking and realize that my whole life has been a mirage.

"What now?" I ask myself out loud.

I have so many questions, that won't be answered by the only person I need to hear it from. Grabbing the towel that's hanging I dry my face until there is no moisture left. I look how I feel.

Like shit.

I hear the kids in the back yard rushing to head next door. I gaze out the window that overlooks my back yard and there I see my nephews and A.J. rushing next door, oh to be young and clueless. I wish I was them. I wish I was a little boy and that my mother was here. She would tell me what to do, she would let me know that regardless of all this shit he will only be mine. My father would tell me that this is what makes a man. Hard circumstances and choices, but I've been plagued with hard choices ever since both my parents passed.

No, longer wanting to stay up in that room I decided to get some things answered. As I descend down the stairs I don't see Em or Rose but then I hear Emmett's voice in the kitchen. He sounds upset and angry.

"I can't believe you never told me Rosalie. This….this is not right. I don't blame him if he is angry with you. Shit right now I'm fucking fuming?"

"Em," she starts off but before she continues I cut her off.

"So, Emmett you didn't know?" I asked

"Hell no, I didn't know. Up until an hour ago I was under the impression that Alice was an angel."

I don't know why but knowing that Rosalie didn't tell him makes me feel a little better.

"Edward, I…." Rosalie started off looking down at her hands to intertwined fingers. "I swear that I confronted her on it. I told her to tell you. It even got to the point where it got physical with us. This…this is why we weren't close at all. We put on a facade in front of you two but …it came to a point that she made me sick." She explained herself.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked accusingly. "Why did you let me believe every bullshit story that came out of her. "

"What would you do?" she starts off holding back tears. "You're more than just a cousin to Emmett your like his little brother. You've become one to me as well. I didn't want to hurt you I didn't want the truth to come out of me. I demanded her to tell you. I threatened her, I slapped her, I did everything to force her into telling you. But at first she denied it. All of it even after I saw it with my two eyes." She continued as her voice was just above a whisper.

"And what, you believed her? Explain to me exactly when you saw her and what exactly happened?"

She pulls out the stool that's on the island and sits down. "Edward," she starts taking a deep breath. "Do you really want to know? Can't we just leave it at I saw something that looked wrong and that's it."

"Trust me what I read in that damn journal, I think I can handle whatever you have to say."

She takes a deep breath and starts telling me what she saw that fateful day.

"I was on my way to meet my friend Inez from high school, she told me to meet her in this mom and pop coffee house by the University. I was seated in a corner table where I had a good view of the front door entrance. It's a dark corner so, if you're coming in you don't really see who is back there. When I saw Alice enter I was going to stand up and call her over. I was surprised to see her there. I had called her and she told me she had to meet a new couple that wanted a small wedding. But when I was about to stand up and wave her over….that's when I saw the tall man with the long blond hair come in and wrap his arms around her from the back as she ordered coffee."

She gets up and grabs a cup and fills it up with water. I can feel Emmett paying attention just like me. She sits back down and takes a big drink. She sets the cup down and continues.

"I can't tell you how much it took for me to not jump up and demand explanations there. I sat back quietly and watched them. Like fate Inez text me letting me know that she was unable to make it because her daughter got sick and had she had to go pick her up at school. So, I sat there and watched them. He was very attentive to her, loving…" she looked up at me apologetically when she described what she saw.

"My blood was boiling when I saw them kiss. I couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't want to make a scene, so I waited until they were done with their…date. I saw him get up and give her one last kiss and walk out. She soon fallowed, but before she left I saw her make a phone call. I couldn't hear who she was speaking to, but I suspected it was you judging by the look of frustration on her face. I couldn't believe her, I was so angry that when I confronted her she had the nerve to deny all of it, but when I told her what I saw she couldn't do anything about it. I told her she had to tell you, I even gave her an ultimatum that if she didn't I would have to. She convinced me that she was going to ask for a divorce, that you didn't need to know about her slip and that it would be easier that way."

I know that really I shouldn't be mad at Rose. Because if it was Emmett in my shoes I would do anything for the hurt to be minimal but I can't help feeling like she should have told me. I want to scream and demand more from her but really it should be Alice that should be here and I feel bound to all my anger. The fact that I can't take it out on the proper person is maddening. She played me like a fuckin' fool. That's all I am now just some stupid fool.

"Rosalie I just have one more question and I want you to be completely honest with me." I told her while she played with her wedding ring.

"Did you know that he wasn't mine?" My voice broke a little as I uttered the words out loud.

"What are you talking about?" She looked at me confusingly. Her eye brows scrunched up together.

"Did you know that A.J wasn't mine?" I asked again this time I slowed my words down.

Her eyes flashed to mine and I can see the question forming.

"What? Where did you get that idea from?"

"It's not an idea Rosalie. Its fucking written in that god damn book, He's not fucking mine. That bitch not only cheated on me but had me fall in love with some other mans child."

"Ed-Edward," she stumbled over her words In complete shock. "When she told us she was pregnant, I asked her if the baby was yours. She convinced me that the affair had been over for several months and she was only 4 weeks pregnant at the time. She said the pregnancy was a sign that you two belonged together, that she hated herself for getting involved with another man. She realized just how much she loved you and she would never be so weak again."

"You know what's the funny part of the bull shit she fed you is? The reason they didn't go off into the fucking sunset together is because he got his wife pregnant. Yeah, he couldn't leave her with child. I don't even think she told him that she was as well."

"Edward, I….I don't know what to tell you. I questioned it but even I didn't think she would do something like this. When A.J came out blond I just thought since she's adopted it could be ….I don't know from her biological side? It might have just been wishful thinking from my part."

The whole time she's telling me what she knows Emmett has been extremely quiet. He finally walks up to the island and places his hands on it leaning in to meet Rose's eyes.

"Rosalie Hale, I swear that you better be telling the truth regarding not knowing the fact that A.J is not Edwards. Right now I don't know if I even believe you and that should tell you something. Regardless of how much you didn't want to hurt Edward you should have told him."

Rosalie tears started to fall even quicker. She looks up at me and asks if I'm sure. That maybe Alice got confused or simply didn't know who the father was. That he could still be mine. Without saying a word I ran upstairs and entered the chaos that was my room currently. I looked for the journal and once I found it, I rushed down stairs finding both of them with a bewildering look upon both their faces.

I throw the journal on the island, "look inside…read and look at the picture of that motherfucker." I ordered.

Rosalie slowly opened the journal and looked at the picture resting on the first page. "Now tell me who you think A.J. looks like, me or that guy?"

Emmett moves to stand behind Rose as they both examine the photograph. Emmett mutters "son-of-a-bitch" as he realized that A.J is in fact not mine. "I don't even need a DNA test to answer that question. He's the spitting image of that man."

"Edward I swear if I would have had concrete evidence that he wasn't yours I would have said something. I only saw the guy once and I couldn't remember details once A.J started getting bigger. If I would've known I would've told you this."

She's pleading with me to believe her. I don't know if I truly do, like Emmett I don't understand why she just didn't tell me.

"Rosalie, wouldn't you want to know if Em ever did that to you? Hell you almost ripped Kate's face off when you walked in on her trying to seduce him! Don't you think I deserved to know the truth? I'm beyond angry at this point; I'm so distraught my whole body aches. Do you realize, Rosalie, that I've been raising_ their_ child?"

I can feel my tears raising up into my eyes again and slowly spilling over. Suddenly I feel like I can't breathe. The walls of the house are getting smaller and smaller. The air is thick my heart beat is racing, and I realize I'm having a panic attack. I haven't had those in a while but it's a full blown one.

"I need to get the hell out of here." I tell them as I go searching for my keys.

Both Em and Rose follow me upstairs telling me I have to sit and relax, that I shouldn't do anything to hasty. I know they're going to be shocked by the state of the room but frankly at this time I don't give a fuck.

When I enter my room I search frantically through the piles of her things for the keys to my car. Clothes, shoes, photos and even furniture have been hastily thrown about my bedroom. I want nothing more than to torch everything that holds any memory of my life with her.

"Ed, man please calm down. I'll go with you," I hear Em offer.

I don't want any company. I want to be what I've been this whole time.

Alone.

I finally find my keys in the bathroom. I rush past them and hear Rosealie pleading with me to stay. To talk, but I can't, I cannot take it anymore. I really have to get out of this hell hole.

Emmett tries to stop me by grabbing my arm as I'm walking out of the house. I push him off me and expect to see hurt or anger for treating him like that, but when I look him in the eyes and I see understanding.

He won't hold it against me.

I jump in my car and put it in reverse. I peel out of there like something is chasing me. Something is, it's her lies. I just want to get as far away as possible. I just want to forget.

I just want to forget.

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><p><strong>AN: i wasnt able to reply to those who reviewed last chapter but i will get to it. in advance thank you for the words.**

**Thank you for the alerts and favorite's its been getting i'm truly taken back by it. See ya next Tuesday.**

**Thank you for reading and review if you must.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Did not dream it. Do not own it. **

**You can all thank JMac3 for making this much much better. she rocks as a pre-reader just sayin'**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 11**

**BPOV**

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><p>What happened? Where is he going?<p>

I was starting to feel quite nervous and had the urge to go after him; he shouldn't be alone. Yet, Rose and Emmett just stood there. After what seemed like forever Emmett is the first to start walking towards the house. He didn't even look at me as he passed to get in. Rosalie is not far behind and her eyes are puffy and swollen with make-up smudged under her eyes. It's evident that Edward was not the only one crying.

When she reaches me I ask her if she would like me to make her some tea. She nods and I follow her in. "I'm going to clean up a little. Are the boys in the kitchen?" She asked, her voice sounding hoarse and tired.

"Yeah, they should almost be done with their mac and cheese." I reply. She just nod's and heads upstairs.

I make my way to the kitchen and look for the tea bags while I have the water boiling. I hear a door close and another car take off. I didn't see him but I know it was Emmett. A few minutes later Rose is in the kitchen as the boys are getting up and heading to the playroom. Rose has changed into some sweats and a t-shirt. Her face is freshly washed but her eyes still look red and puffy.

I hand her the mug full of freshly brewed tea all ready for her.

She beckons me to join her in the living room. I don't think I've ever seen anyone from this house sit in here. The kitchen is usually where everyone gathers and socializes. She grabs the throw and covers her legs as she pulls them up.

She's cradling her mug like it's the most precious thing. Her eyes are fixated on her steaming mug of tea. Deep in thought she doesn't hear that Tommy and Robbie are arguing again about the same toy they always argue about. I get up to stop the fighting but she holds her hand up at me to stop and stay.

"if you two don't stop arguing about that toy I will toss it in the trash. Am I understood?" She said firmly.

The boys didn't respond but the bickering sure stopped.

Without looking up at me she starts talking. I can hear the sadness in her voice.

"You know I introduced them." She began. "He was smitten from the beginning with her. She was energetic and full of life." She chuckles humorlessly. "She was full of something alright." She mutters as she brings her cup up to take a sip.

I didn't dare say anything, I got the impression she just wanted to talk to somebody that wouldn't get upset with her.

She continued, "I never wanted him to get hurt. That's why I didn't say anything to him, but boy did I ever let her have it. I told her to come clean." She stopped and took another sip.

"I made a mistake, I should have just told him. Did you read the whole thing?" She suddenly asks me looking up.

"I skimmed, I ….I really didn't mean to..." She puts her hand up again to stop me from going on.

"It's, okay, did you see the part about A.J?" She asks me. She doesn't sound mad.

"Yes," I whispered looking down at the carpet.

When I look up again a fresh round of tears are invading her eyes. "I had my suspicions but she assured me that she had ended it with him before. I should have known better"

Rosalie goes on to say she did more harm than good by keeping it from Edward. It's true he should've known but no one could go back and change things. It is what it is and now there is a little boy not only without a mother but the only father he's ever known is broken.

"Do you know where he went?" I was brave enough to ask.

"No, but I suspect it's probably the same place he went right after she died."

That's all she gives me. I want to know where he is. I feel the need to go after Edward and tell him that I'm here, that I could listen if that's what he needs. I don't want him doing anything stupid; I don't want him to hurt himself or someone else.

"Emmett went after him." She states.

"He was just giving him time to be alone, but he would never let Edward fall to deep. He will be there to catch him. Emmett has always been there to catch him"

Knowing that Emmett is going after him eases my mind and nerves. I glance at the time and it's getting late. This day has been too much.

"Rose, It's getting late I'm going to go, unless you would like for me to stay a bit longer?"

"With all this going on I forgot to speak to you about your living situation. Although I don't know with all this going on how appealing my offer will be."

I have no clue what she's going on about, but I guess that's written all over my face. Her offer is far to gracious and I'm a bit overwhelmed with all that's been happening but to have Rose and Emmett offer me a room in their home without payment…I don't know what to say. She continues about my safety and that she has not been able to sleep at night knowing that I have to deal with harassment just to have a place to stay.

"I'll give you a check that will cover your portion of the rent for next month so you could move out now."

there wasnt much to think about, the offer was great. i just wanted to be somewhere that i could feel safe at. Really what better place than here, all of them are great and i would never be late, thats always a plus. but i could not let her cover the rent at the other place.

"Okay, I'll move in ... but I can't have you pay the rent. I have some money saved I can cover it."

I don't want her to push the issue and she doesn't. They have already done so much for me I refuse to let them them spend any more money because I'm uncomfortable with my living situation.

"I just cant thank you enough for opening your doors to me a virtual stranger I promise that you'll never know i'm here when i'm not on the clock." I assure her.

Rose get's up and shows me the room that is in the little hallway off the kitchen. It's bigger than anything I've ever had. We discuss me moving and doing it by tomorrow but despite all of this, I can't keep myself from thinking of Edward. I wonder what his doing or if Emmett was sure where to find him? Rosalie gives me a questioning look.

"Is there something wrong Bella you look lost in thought?"

"Sorry, I just can't help but worry about Edward. His state of mind was not well."

Nodding her head she agrees with me. Like a sign her phone rings and she goes and grabs it.

"Hello, yeah," Rosalie responds to someone. "Okay, sure if he needs to. That shouldn't be a problem. Tell him that he'll be fine. Just have him call to speak to him."

I take it that it's Emmett. "I know….I know….okay…bye." Taking a deep breath she clicks the phone off.

Rosalie gets up after the phone call and heads to the kids play room. I can hear her call A.J out to the hall.

"Hey sweetie your sleeping over for a while okay, your daddy had to take a trip for a few days. He'll call you tomorrow once he gets there okay."

I don't hear him respond to her, I just hear the kids go back to playing.

"When is he coming back?" I asked. It's none of my business but I need to know.

Turing to look at me she just gives me a sad smile and says "I don't know."

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><p><strong>AN: like i said last bpov her chapters right now just set up epov that will change as we move along. already i wont be able to update thur. because i decided to change the chapter i had already written i just didnt like the flow to it so had to start it from scratch...i wont lie could have done it yesterday but i was preoccupied with Robert in France. just saying he is my weakness so blame him.**

**too all the alerts and favorites...i'm speechless and thank you hope you enjoy:) to those that dropped a word or two thank you once again. i got back to the ones i could the other day. **

**thank you for the rec Insert Fangs Here if your not reading her stories go do it.**

**Thank you for reading and review if you must.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Did not dream it. Do not own it.**

**All i have to say is Rob and Europe promo=YUM**

**JMac3= the best pre-reader and my own personal super hero.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 12**

**EPOV**

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><p>Sitting down outside on the porch with an ice tea in hand I start rocking back and forth. The motion is relaxing so I close my eyes and rest my head. I can clearly hear the birds chirping above me and the smell of wet dirt from the impromptu drizzle that surprised us all this morning filled my lungs. It's not unusual to experience some form of precipitation here in the Pacific Northwest, especially here in Forks. It rains here more often than not.<p>

Two weeks ago I was angry and frustrated. I ended up at the bar near the shop where I had spent quite a few months lounging there after _she_ died.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to actually drink my problems away because Emmett decided to hunt me down and stop any stupidity I might have caused. I really wanted to get wasted to the point of vomiting.

Instead, I drank a total of three beers and had a very interesting conversation with the bartender about cheating wives. Let's just say he understood where I was coming from. I decided that I couldn't be at that house; I couldn't look at those pictures hanging all over the place, and most disturbing of it all, I couldn't look at A.J.

My fear had grown sitting on that bar stool of how I might not love him anymore. I started resenting him for looking so much like that prick. I started questioning myself… how could I come off as loving to him when in reality I don't know how I feel about him. I pushed those thoughts out of my head and decided that I should visit my mother's sister Esme and her husband Carlisle.

Emmett agreed with me that getting away for a few days was probably best. Since I didn't really drink and by the time I decided I was taking off I was good to make the three hour drive. I had Emmett call Rose and inform her about it just in case she had any objections on A.J staying there. I know she wouldn't have a problem but unlike like her I like to keep people informed on what the hell is going on.

Yep, I'm still pissed at her.

I didn't want to go back to my house I just wanted to get away and leaving for Forks directly from the bar was best, who knows if the house would still be standing if I'd gone back.

Finally arriving at my Aunt and Uncles home I realized it was past any decent hour visitors should be arriving at. I hesitantly knocked on the door, suspecting that Emmett would have called and informed them that I was heading up here.

Thankfully, my Aunt didn't question my sudden, late night visit. Instead she offered me a warm smile and led me to my mother's old room. Her scent lingered in the room and was more than welcomed.

Esme and Carlisle moved up here a few years ago. This house once belonged to my Grandparents and of course they left it to their only daughters Esme and Elizabeth. Since my mother is no longer with us, her half is actually mine but let's be honest I don't see myself moving to Forks anytime this century.

Although right now that thought of being in the middle of nowhere was very appealing.

Sleep came quick that night; it wasn't the most pleasant of slumbers, spending half the night having nightmares of cheating wives leaving you with nothing.

I woke up feeling stiff and groggy, wanting nothing more than to roll over and sleep the day away but the aroma of bacon and coffee was enough to drag me from the bed.

My heart ached and my head throbbed but I had to pull together. I wanted to get Esme's view on this. I desperately needed to confide in someone my greatest worry.

A.J?

After a quick shower I made my way downstairs to where both Esme and Carlisle sat drinking their coffee. My aunt must have sensed my presence because she looked up and gave me that warm genuine smile that is so much like the one my mother used to give me.

Seeing Esme's kind smile reminded me just how much I missed my mother.

Suddenly, I have the urge to wrap my arms around my aunt and hug her until all this pain goes away. So I do just that, it's an awkward hug since she is still sitting but I can't help but cling to her like a lost child.

"Honey, what's wrong?" She asked as she hugged me back. Somehow she was able to stand up and soothingly move her hand up and down my back.

"Do you want to talk about whatever it is that's going on?"I just nod my head but she insists that I should eat first.

After a balanced meal I sit and divulge the whole sorted tale of how my life is nothing but lie's, cheating and hurt. Both of them were able to keep any comment to themselves when it came to Alice but I could see the anger forming in my aunt's eyes as I told her how she deceived us all.

I stand to fix myself another cup of coffee and allow my aunt and uncle a moment to process the information I have given them and I'm not surprised to see that they both look genuinely shocked.

They loved Alice and took her in as part of the family. I'm starting to resent Alice even more because she made my family fall in love with her as well. Her actions didn't just hurt me, they hurt all of us.

Bitch.

Finally my aunt spoke up.

"Edward I understand that this is not ideal by any means but don't let this define who you are and who you've become in the last few months. I don't want you going to that dark place again because it's not worth it. I'm not telling you to let it go, you have every right to be mad and hurt. You want to scream at her and call her every name in the book, go ahead, but when all is said and done that child," She paused. "That innocent being you witnessed the birth of, that boy you stayed up with when his mother died, that child who looks at you like you're a Superhero. He loves you and regardless of what you think right now, you love him just as much and he is the one you need to be strong for.

"You're the only father he knows. _You,_ Edward, are his father regardless of the blood flowing through his veins. It's about the love that people share with each other. So, I know this is hard for you and I can see you are confused and hurt, I get it but regardless of the fact that he might look like someone else he will always look at you as his father."

I didn't even notice the tears running slowly down my cheeks until my aunt leaned forward and whipped them away. She was right, everything she said was right and I feel even worse that I had doubted my love for him but it's true. I had to look inside myself and ask if that love changed and it hadn't, A.J is my life and he doesn't deserve this, any of it.

Still feeling overwhelmed, I decided that I would stay for a few days. Every evening I call A.J and listen to him tell me about his day and each time before we get off the phone, he tells me he misses me.

Aunt Esme startles me when she steps out on to the porch and takes a seat on the chair next to me. She wants to talk. We haven't really spoken about the whole thing in detail since the first day. My uncle took me fishing and we just talked about sports. It was nice to be away and clear my mind. Maybe Forks did have potential of being a good place to live permanently.

"Sweetie, do you plan on finding this man?" Esme suddenly asks me.

I stop rocking on the chair and look at her blank face.

"To be honest I don't know."

"Are you going to tell A.J, even if you don't find this man?"

Why is she asking me this? I don't want to discuss any of it now I want to relax on my last day here but right now I want to storm inside and slam my bedroom door.

"I haven't thought that far ahead yet. But I know that I don't want him to ever resent me for keeping something like this a secret. As a proven fact secrets are always reveled."

I go back to rocking and close my eyes. Thinking about when I tell my son his not mine.

I love him and I never want him to feel like I kept this from him or lied to him. I won't be like Alice and try to cover it up. I don't want my son to hate me.

"I'm going to take it one day at a time. " I answer her and leave it at that. Esme doesn't ask any more questions and for that I'm thankful.

Later in the evening, I make my daily call to A.J. He's always eager to tell me what he did each day. . I'm glad he's having fun and being a kid, not aware of all the fuckery that goes on in this world. Talking to him makes me miss him more every time and I'm more than ready to see him and be the father I have always been. Having to decide what I'm going to do about his biological father is still up in the air

A.J goes on and on about the park and his friends. He talks about Bella and how she taught him to count to even watched the history channel together. The thought of Bella brings an unexpected smile to my face. My heart starts thumping a little bit faster and I feel like a fifteen year old with a crush.

The urge to be home is growing faster and faster as I realize that I miss her just as much. I want to thank her properly for being there that day and for giving me that hug. That is until A.J starts talking about some guy named Rick.

Who the hell is Rick?

I might have asked that out loud when he replies, "oh, that's Bella's boyfriend. He always buys us ice cream at the park."

Disappointment washes through me like a bucket of ice water thrown at me. Suddenly my desire to rush home doesn't seem so strong anymore.

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><p><strong>AN : Not sure i'll be able to update on Thursday but i will try. **

**Thank you to everybody that has read this and those of you who review thank you i got to some of you for those i haven't replied to sorry but i do read all of them :)**

**Thank you for reading and review if you must.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Dont own it.**

**I'm not going to lie Rob has been monopolizing my spare time. Can you blame me?**

**To JMac3 thank you for EVERYTHING you rock my socks. She makes this readable no joke.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 13**

**BPOV**

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><p>The past two weeks have past by slowly. Even the weeks prior to leaving my mother's house went by faster.<p>

Edward left.

He headed to Emmett's parents home in some small town called Sporks or Forks… don't quite remember. I try not to ask too many questions because I don't want Rosalie suspecting that I have more than just a concern for him.

As silly as it might sound I've missed him so much. The few minutes we would see each other every day became something I looked forward too but the last two weeks I've been sad, just like A.J, because he's not here.

The move into Emmett and Rosalie's house was relatively painless since well…I don't really have much. Seth and Emmett helped me move in record time. Lauren wasn't too happy but since I spotted her the next month's rent she didn't completely want to kick my butt. I was just glad to be out of there and away from Taylor's unwelcomed advances.

The room I have at the McCarthy house is actually behind the kitchen. There is a small hallway that is separated by a door and it has a room and a bathroom across from it, it's just perfect. I'm not up in their business when they're home and I don't feel like I'm invading their space.

I couldn't be more thankful for all the wonderful things Rose has done for me, she's still berating herself for the Edward situation and Emmett was giving her the silent treatment up until a few days ago. He was sleeping in the spare bedroom upstairs.

In front of the kids they smiled and acted like everything was fine but once they would leave the room silence settle. It was awkward at best when I became the middle person for their communication barrier. It wasn't so bad but I hoped that they would talk to each other and put this whole thing behind them.

Every day I wanted to ask Rosalie about Edward, I knew he would call A.J but he would always call Emmett's cell phone, therefore I didn't have the privilege to answer any of his calls just too at least hear his voice for two seconds.

Just the thought of him made my stomach turn but all I could do was wait and see when he would come back. The daily park outings where a must for the kids, they enjoyed meeting up with the new friends they had made, particularly a brother and sister that started going there at the beginning of the summer.

Brittney and Brian are at the park every afternoon with their Uncle Rick. He's been bringing them here since his sister's job changed her schedule. He and I sit and talk while the kids play. Rick goes to the University of Washington and is in his sophomore year and majoring in biology. He always engages me in conversation even when I really don't want to talk to him much.

Some day's he gets a little flirty but I think he's actually too shy to try anything, believe me I'm thankful for that. I don't want to give the wrong impression but sometimes guys just don't get the hint of back off. To be honest he hasn't been disrespectful or anything it's just I see the way he looks at me and I'm not dumb the guy is always here at the same time we are and only talks to me when they are clearly other young women here as well.

It doesn't help when Rosalie pointed the obvious out the first time she picked us up from the park.

"So, this Rick guy, he seems nice. What's his deal?" She asked curiously only glancing at me as she drove home.

"What do you mean, 'his deal'?"

"Oh, Bella you're telling me he hasn't put the moves on you? I could just tell by the way he looked at you with his puppy dog eyes."

I take a deep breath and look out the window as the houses flew passed me. "Well, he's definitely barking up the wrong tree. I think he's nice enough but I just see him as a friend." I almost sounded board as I explained this to her.

"That's too bad he's cute."

"Yeah, but he's no Edward." I mumbled unconsciously.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

Realizing I actually said that out loud I sat up a little straighter and was thankful that the kid's were having a discussion on which power ranger is better.

"Nothing, never mind," I said.

Rose didn't say anything else about my slip so I can't be sure if she heard it or not.

The next couple of days I tried going a little bit earlier to the park so I don't have to deal with Rick, like I said his nice enough but I didn't want him to ask me out. I didn't want things to get weird; I just wondered how long he would be bringing his niece and nephew for.

It's like he possessed psychic powers when he showed up half an hour earlier than usual just like we did. That's just the kind of luck I have.

"Bella it's like fate that we both arrived early today." He said with a big smile on his face. His blue eyes looked me up and down. He then goes to buy all the kids and myself some ice cream. It was sweet but with that gesture Robby, Tommy, and A.J started referring to him as my 'boyfriend'.

When Emmett came to pick us up from the park they just kept talking about my 'boyfriend' and I would have to constantly correct them that he was definitely _not_ my boyfriend. It got to the point that I just didn't bother with them. I mean it's just little kids being silly but I felt that I needed to clarify that he was definitely not my boyfriend. Of course it fell in deaf ears and they just kept on calling him that. I decided to not let it get to me there just kids anyway nobody would actually take them serious.

Rosalie finally informed me that Edward would be arriving in three days. She hired a cleaning crew to actually take everything out of his room.

"I'll just wait until he's here so we can discuss the remodel of it. I'm almost positive that he's going to be making a lot of changes when it comes down to the house." She said.

I wanted to ask her what time he was getting here; I wanted to be the first one, well besides A.J, to welcome him home. I was happy, for the first time in two weeks I had a genuine smile on my face. Rosalie noticed how chipper I was the day before he finally arrived.

"Well someone woke up on the right side of the bed. I haven't seen a smile like that on you…well ever really."

I think my whole face burned because I was blushing so much. "Oh, I …I don't know I guess it just feels like a good day." I somehow stammered out.

"Uh huh" was all she replied.

She stayed quiet for a few minutes before she continued. "Edward is going to be here tomorrow, I think even though I still haven't spoken to him we should have a family dinner. I think he'll need it and to be perfectly honest so do we I just don't want things to be weird between us." She let out a sigh.

"I just hope we can work it out. It's not fair that she's the one that fucked up and I'm paying the price." She said angrily and walked away.

As the day went by we did the usual which included a trip to the park where Rick bought us some ice cream. That just gives the kids fuel to keep referring to him as my boyfriend, I love them but it gets really old fast.

When we got home it was around the time Edward called A.J so I sat next to him as Emmett handed him the phone. A.J tells him about his day and how we've been working on his numbers.

Next thing I know he's telling Edward I have a boyfriend I don't know what led up to that since I was distracted counting the hours until he would be here.

I didn't let the comment get to me, because I'm sure Edward could care less if I have a boyfriend or not but for some reason I had the urge to clarify this as soon as he stepped in the house.

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><p><strong>AN i know this was short but next one wont be. i'm actually done with it i just need to have Jmac3 get her hands in there and make it better. so crossing fingers getting an update later on the week.**

**thank you to all of you who reviewed last chapter i have read all just falling behind in replying sorry.**

**thank you for reading and review if you must.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Didn't Dream it. Don't own it.**

**How can I express how incredible JMac3 is?...I still haven't found the right words that convey how brilliant she is. She took this chapter that i was feeling a little more than iffy about and just made me love it.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 14**

**EPOV**

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><p>I need to stop being such a pussy. Why do I give a fuck if she has a boyfriend or not? When the hell did that become my business?<p>

It's not.

Moving along to more important things like how to deal with A.J and finding that douche bag that fucked _my_ wife. Deciding that the decent thing to do was to actually find this man and tell him he has a son. The decision didn't come easily. I tossed and turned all night and came to the conclusion that I didn't want this to blow up in my face when A.J gets older.

The drive back to Seattle is taking a bit longer than expected Uncle C and Aunt Esme decided they would like to spend some quality time with the grandkids. I'm currently driving behind Carlisle, who doesn't believe in going over the speed limit. So a trip that should take me three hours to complete, will now be closer to four. Maybe it's a good thing that the drive will take longer than usual. I need this time to myself; I need to clear my head before I walk through my front door.

Emmett informed me that Rose was actually helpful and got my room cleared out. He also let me know that Rosalie is willing to help, or should I say, 'take over' remodeling the house if I choose to. That actually sounds like a good idea and I might just take her up on that. I guess this is her way of trying to make things good between us.

Rosalie will be happy to know that I don't want to hold a grudge or be all pissy with her. I just want my life to go back to being somewhat normal. Okay, that won't happen but I want things to be less miserable. There is no way I'm going to let myself sink that low again.

I'm actually very anxious to see my son and nephews. I've missed the boys. I've missed my work at the shop and even Emmett's annoying ass. Hell I even missed Rosalie and that alone is proof that I just wanted to be back.

And even though I didn't want to admit it, I missed Bella.

Yeah… have to stop myself from going there.

I have missed her though, more than I expected. I guess the horny pervert is alive and well.

_What is wrong with me?_

_She's the nanny__!_

_She's not even in her twenties__…_

_She apparently has a boyfriend__._

I shouldn't care.

The reality is I just want to see who this fucktard is and if he's better looking than me.

Doubtful.

I'm not conceited by any means but shit I have a mirror and I'm not blind. Plus the fact that before I got married, getting ass was not difficult for me at all.

I don't think its normal being fixated on my child's nannies personal life.

I might just be deflecting my real problems at the moment.

Yes, that's what it is. I just need to get myself together that's all I want to do. I need to stop thinking about women, this includes the dead ones.

Just focus on A.J, that's all I have to do now.

It's around the time that Bella brings the children to the park so I decide to stop there first. I call my Uncle and let him know he can stop by the shop and pick up the house keys and I will meet them there as soon as I pick the kids up from the park.

Turning the opposite direction of my home, I head towards the park. I feel my heart beating faster and I lize that I'm nervous to see him. I've missed him and although I know I will always love him I still haven't seen him with my own eyes since the day I found out he wasn't mine.

The day is warm and the park is full of people. I exit the car and start walking towards the swings. I have a general idea on where they usually are because of the conversations with A.J every day. I keep my eyes open, searching for his familiar face but there are so many kids running and jumping about, so I decide that I should focus on finding Bella.

Who would have known that the park would hold a lot of women at this time of day? I guess all the kids are here so their caretakers are as well. Scanning the place I finally find her. She's standing by the swings. I see A.J on one of them while Robby and Tommy are sliding on the rocket that's right next to it.

No longer feeling alien in my own skin I want to run to him and hug him. Let him know that I missed him and that we'll have a day with just the two of us. I stand where I am, which is only a few meters away and watch as they enjoy there outing.

I can see that A.J wants to get off the swings and motions for Bella's assistance. She offers him a warm smile and helps him off. A.J is quick to join his cousins on the slide and it looks as if Bella is chastising them for being a little too rough with a smaller boy. I start walking slowly towards them; I can feel my smile growing as I get nearer and that is when I notice a guy come up behind Bella holding some ice cream.

_This must be the boyfriend._

I stop moving and stand there so I can watch this moment unfold. He nudges her as he takes his spot next to her, offering an ice cream bar. The kids all line up in front of him as he gives them their own. There are two other kids that get the ice cream as well.

I'm here for A.J damnit and I don't care what or _who_ is here. I quickly make my way over to them.

I want to call for A.J but before I'm able to he spots me first. His eyes go wide and a huge smile lights up his angelic face.

"DADDY," he shouts and starts rushing towards me.

I kneel down and he runs right into my arms. I hug him nice and tight to the point that I think I cracked his back. It feels so good to hold him and for a moment, everything else goes away.

All I can focus on are the small arms wrapped around my neck. His light, happy chuckle and the jumbled words he speaks in my ear much too fast for me to comprehend.

Minutes later we finally pull apart and I take a moment to appraise him. He looks happy, jubilant even and it breaks my heart that I spent so much time away from him.

My son.

"Daddy, I missed you. I'm so happy you are back with us. I don't think you should leave again." He says with a stern look to his face.

Before I have a chance to respond, Robby and Tommy ran up and start tugging on me. I look down and see them jumping up and down, talking about playing football with me. I put A.J down and explain that Grandpa and Grandma McCarthy are waiting for us back at home.

I nearly forget that Bella even existed, what with the boys so exited.

That is, until she spoke.

I looked over at Bella who had a huge smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

"Hi, umm I didn't realize you were going to be the one picking us up from the park." She said as she kept her eyes downcast towards the ground.

"I didn't know you got picked up, I thought you walked home. I just came here knowing it's the usual time you come here. I just couldn't wait to see A.J." I explain to her.

Bella and I stare at each other for a few moments after we stop speaking. I tilt my head slightly and appraise her. She looks the same, yet different from when I first met her. Gone, are the dark circles under her eyes. She even looks like she put on a few, much needed pounds. Overall, she looks radiant, happy and the twinkle in her eyes can't go unnoticed.

Her eyes.

Those big beautiful brown eyes lock with mine and the emotions that swirl around cause my breath to hitch. I can't decipher what I'm seeing in those expressive eyes, but I can feel it. It's strong and strange and captivating. It's unlike anything I've ever felt in my life.

After a moment I look down and try to make sense of what just happened. Clearly I'm in need of a drink or…three. The past few weeks have drained me. My mind isn't working correctly. How else could I describe what just happened with my sons Nanny?

Without another look back to Bella and her…_boyfriend_, I tell the kids that we have to go. I quickly realize that her boyfriend is standing just a few feet away from us and looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Well" I started, "if you want to stay here with your boyfriend no worries I'll take the boys you don't have to come with us."

The smile that was on her face slowly disappeared and her eyebrows scrunched together.

"What boy-"she started saying when Rick walked up to us.

"Umm…Bella, I don't mean to interrupt but I have to get going so….what do you say about going to the movies?" He asked looking very unsure about himself.

Before she could answer him I told her again she was welcomed to stay longer, but she insisted that she was ready to leave. I walked ahead of her giving her space and time to properly say good bye to the guy. She's not mine, the fact that he was there and asking to take her somewhere did not make me want to smack him.

No, not at all.

I had an easy go of getting the boys settled into their booster seats so I was surprised to see Bella already waiting right behind me.

"Really Bella you're welcome to stay," I say casually. I really don't want to show any type of emotion towards her. She'd probably just put me in the same category as Newton.

I shudder at the thought.

It seems like she wants to say something but words aren't coming out of her mouth. She keeps stopping herself and just gets in the car.

Walking around to my side, I quickly settle in. I start the car and glance over at her for a second. I notice a frown on her beautiful face. Maybe something happened with the boyfriend? He probably got mad because she chose to leave, but I gave her the out. I told her to stay.

Travelling by car the house is only a few minutes away, so before we are able to speak about A.J or what happened back at home during my absence, I'm already pulling into my driveway.

The dread that washes over me is too much but for the sake of not having yet another fucking break down I think it's best to wait for the rest of the family at Em's house. The kids rush in and Bella tells them to go and take a quick shower so they could be nice and clean for the grandparents. All three boys fuss about it but I tell them in my stern-don't-make-me-tell-you-twice voice that they need to go and do as they're told.

Forty minutes later and everyone has arrived. Rosalie keeps her distance from me without being rude. I'm sure she's just giving me space in case I decided to go off on her.

it's kind of funny seeing her unsure about me.

Dinner is ready before I know it and everyone takes their seats. I avoid the quiet conversation around the table while we all dig in to our meal.

That is until my Aunt brings up the fact that A.J's birthday is fast approaching.

_Geez, what is up with me and not being able to remember birthdays this year?_

"Edward I was wondering if we could take A.J along with the boys to Disneyland next week. I think it will be the perfect opportunity to give you a little bit more time to get the situation ironed out." My aunt says.

I stop chewing and stare at my Aunt.

_What is her deal with pushing this right now?_

I know what I have to do and I will do it but I don't need to be told how and when to handle my problems like I'm some child.

"Or, not," she continues. "It's up to you. We would like to take him with us and it would be our birthday present to him this year."

I don't have time to think about it and get back to them because A.J has been paying attention as soon as Disneyland was mentioned. He was already celebrating and jumping all over the place with Robby and Tommy about their trip. How could I say no and break his heart?

I don't argue I just give the generic response of "fine" and walk out to the back yard. I stroll over to the gate that separates the houses and go straight to my grill where I keep a fresh pack of smokes. Hiding them there became a habit when Alice was around. I go sit down on my side of the yard and light up the cigarette.

I take my time outside and enjoy my cigarette. I can hear the laughter and planning going on. Knowing Emmett, he's probably more excited than the kids about this trip. I know he's already thought about all the sex he and Rose can have.

I doubt I'll be spending much time with them while the kids are away.

Lost in thought I don't hear footsteps until I see someone standing by the open gate. The sun has set already and all I'm able to make out is a small slender figure.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were out here. I saw the gate open and I was going to close it." I recognize the voice immediately as Bella's. Soft and sweet just like her.

_What?_

"It's okay, I just needed a break." I said while lifting my hand up and showing her my more than finished cigarette butt. "Do you smoke? "

I don't want to be rude… shit, at least she's of age for _that_.

"No thank you, I don't smoke."

It's one of those nights where the sky is clear enough to make out a few stars so I scan the sky for the Big Dipper. Bella takes slow steps towards me and sits in the Adirondack chair to my left. Out of sheer politeness I switch the lit cigarette into my right hand and quickly extinguish it. After dropping the remnants, I turn to look at Bella.

She's sitting on the edge of the seat looking nervous about something. She has her eyes down, staring at her clasped hands and her right leg is bouncing frantically. I can see her chest rise as she takes a deep breath to steady herself for what she's about to say.

Finally she looks up into my eyes and says…

"He's not my boyfriend."

_Okay._

That calls for another cigarette.

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><p><strong>AN: JMac3 thank you again for your words that made this chapter just 100x better.**

**Again i have failed at replying. i promise i will this time its just Robert keeps having late night talk shows, early talk shows and how is a girl to keep up with all that and write and read and respond. okay i'm done. but for all of you who did drop a word Thank you i do read all and some of you bring real insight to it, some of you make me smile because your just in the ride with me. i'm feeling a little proud of this story right now i love it and i never expected it. **

**for those reading my other little gem i'm just waiting for my beta to give it back and i will post that soon as possible. one more chapter to go on that one and its done.**

**i think this has been the longest A/N ever.**

**thank you for reading review if you must.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Didn't Dream it. Don't own it.**

**JMac3 is the BEST. Thank you.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 15**

**BPOV**

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><p>Edward pulled out another cigarette and lit it up.<p>

I was fixated on his face, the way his jaw line was sharp and defined. His lips plump and the stubble shadowing his face was a sight.

Really I don't know how I'm supposed to not fall for him. Not only is he beautiful on the outside but the inside is just the same. He brings me back to the present when he takes a puff and releases the smoke and he just says "huh".

What does that mean?

_Huh, who cares__, __or huh that's interesting news? I'm hoping it's the latter._

"So, he's not your boyfriend….but he wants to be." He says.

I just raise my shoulders in a shrug.

"Do _you_ want him to be?" I'm not sure what to make of his tone. He sounds very interested in my answer.

His green eyes are gazing at me and for a moment I forget that he's actually waiting for words to come out.

"Oh, no…not at all…I just see him as a friend." I stumble out. "He's not really my type."

Edward doesn't look away, his stare is a bit intimidating and even though it's already night time the temperature feels like it has risen quite a bit.

He slowly smirks at me and leans in a little closer and softly asks me, "Who is?"

I have to stop myself from actually blurting out 'It's you'!

"Definitely not him, he's nice and all but he's too young to know what he wants."

_Wow where did that come from. Geez you practically told him you like them older._

"Ah you like them older then."

_The man is a mind reader!_

"I like them to know who they are already. I'd prefer them to not be in the process of self-discovery. My mother would always tell me I was older than my actual age. I guess my taste in men is similar."

I honestly cannot believe the words that are coming out of my mouth. It's as if I lack a verbal filter.

"Huh" is all he says…again.

He's almost through with his cigarette when I realize I've never seen him smoke before. I sincerely hope it's not a regular habit as I'd prefer him healthy.

"Are you interested in anyone I know?"

Shoot, do I say yes? I mean there is no way he'll assume it's him, right? Even if he did the fact that we will never happen is obvious.

"I think you answered without even speaking a word. So, who is he?" He asks sounding a bit serious now. "Oh, god please don't tell me it's Newton."

My eyes go wide. How could he think that?

Suddenly he lets out a chuckle, "you should've seen your face when I said that. So, it's safe to say it's not Newton?"

"Correct it's definitely not him." I say with a smile because seeing him laugh in any capacity is wonderful.

"Ah ha but there is someone….I hope it's not Emmett, Rose would kill you. I take it they told you about the last nanny right?" He says jokingly.

I start to laugh a little my nervousness actually shining through. "Yeah, I'm not that desperate, plus he's more like a brother than anything else. He seriously is like a man child sometimes."

"Yeah, you're telling me. I've had to deal with him on a daily basis for about ten years, but my life would be boring if it weren't for him."

Edward is really good at making me feel at ease. He doesn't probe on the 'mystery guy' as he started calling him. I want to ask him how he's holding up but I've been paying attention and when something regarding the situation is implied he gets a little aggravated. So, I chose not to ask about it.

We continue with some small talk about what the boys have been up to the last two weeks. He's actually really funny I've never been around him long enough to notice the lightness in him. I have always thought or saw this brooding man, but he really has a sense of humor which is just adding to his charm.

In the middle of his story about how Emmett dressed in drag one year, Rosalie came looking for us.

"There you two are, I've been wondering where you disappeared to." She said as she walked towards us but before she completely got to where we were Emmett appeared as well.

"Ed, man I've been looking everywhere for you I thought you bounced." Emmett says.

And just like that our alone time was gone. The three of them started talking and Edward informed Emmett that he was just in the middle of the drag story.

"Really, Edward I don't need Bella picturing me like that, the respect will go out the window." He says amusingly.

"Don't worry Emmett I was just letting her know that you in a red dress, with red pumps was hot."

We all started laughing because to picture this big muscular man dressed as a woman was too much. Rosalie assured me that she still had a picture in safe keeping because all the other ones Emmett destroyed, but she will show me one of these days.

"Who knew I'd have a hot bitch as a husband." Rosalie told me as she sat beside me.

The laughter died down and Emmett started telling Edward of things in the shop that need to be done. How there is a new car that needs a specialize paintjob and he was just going to hand it off to Seth but since Edward was back he could get started on it and stop "being a lazy bum."

Edward flipped him the finger.

"Hey Edward," Emmett starts. "Guess who's going to be in town next week?" He asks Edward who just answers him with "do I care?"

"You will." He says chuckling like he's in on an inside joke." It's the president of your fan club."

What? Who? What fan club? I dont think I'm going to like this.

Edward groans and makes a face at what Emmett just told him. "God, why the fuck is she going to be here? Please tell me you are not providing her with a place to stay?" He asks while looking between Emmett and Rosalie.

"Edward, how do you expect me to tell my cousin she can't stay with me? I don't need her running to my parents and complaining about it. Plus I already had the talk with her about not coming on to you." Rosalie says.

Edward is visibly annoyed at the situation. "The problem with Jane is she doesn't get it. So you think that by you telling her to leave me alone she will? For crying out loud Rose the chick is completely crazy and last time, mind you, was right after Alice's death and she was basically begging me to fuck her."

"The difference is you were all heartbroken then. Now, just let the chick please you and maybe she'll be good for you." Emmett interjects.

I feel really uncomfortable sitting here in the middle of this talk. I want to go in my room and forget that some good looking woman is going to be here trying to get with him. I could only assume that she is beautiful because Rosalie is and for what I've seen of her family pictures those genes did not skip any generations.

Really they look they came out of a catalog.

"Yeah, I don't think so. Maybe I can pass Bella as my girlfriend." He says seriously. "What do you say Bella are you willing to put up with me as a fake boyfriend so this chick doesn't get too touchy?" He asks me but I don't know if he's being serious or not.

All eyes are on me and nobody is saying anything else. I feel really really uncomfortable now.

Edward gives me a smile "I was just kidding, the look of mortification in your eyes is a little wounding to my ego but I get it." He says a little dejectedly but he tries to hide it with a chuckle.

After that exchange I couldn't speak. Rosalie quickly reassured him that he has nothing to worry about and that if her cousin says or does anything to piss him off she's out. A few minutes later Mrs. McCarthy walks out and tells Edward that A.J already fell asleep in the boy's room.

Edward gets up and walks inside as we follow him. He goes upstairs to get A.J and comes back down the stairs carrying him in his strong arms. After a quick goodbye, letting us know that he'll see us tomorrow, he gives me one quick glance and a sad smile he walks to his house.

Feeling rather overwhelmed, I excuse myself for the night. After I wash my face and brush my teeth I snuggle into my blankets and gladly welcome a good night's sleep.

The next morning I'm up before everyone else and decide to cook them a good breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, and some eggs are cooking when Mrs. McCarthy startles me in the kitchen.

"Oh, Isabella you beat me to it I was going to surprise them with some breakfast but it seems you are one step ahead of me." She says with a warm smile.

I let her know that the coffee is ready and we both sit down to drink our respective cups.

"The boys seem very fond of you dear. " She tells me in between taking a drink of her coffee. "A.J has formed quite an attachment to you, it's good to see him happy. "

"Thank you the boys are great. A.J is wonderful but I think that has to do with how much his father loves him."

She nods in agreement before getting up to make herself a plate. "Oh, Esme you should've told me I would have done it for you."

"Oh Isabella, you made a delicious breakfast for us all, we should be the ones serving you."

Moments later her husband was hugging her from behind as she finished serving their breakfast. They are so sweet together. I can only wish that one day I could have what they have. Feeling a little in the way I excuse myself and head upstairs to see if the boys are up. I find Rosalie and Emmett already dressed and telling me to go and have a day off like I'm supposed to.

"Bella its Saturday go sleep in. "

"I'm good, just wanted to check on the boys I made breakfast so-, " I was cut of by Emmett asking me what I made. You could tell his hunger was awakened as he rushed down stairs.

Rosalie just shakes her head and mutters something about being a child.

"Bella, I know you heard me speaking of my cousin yesterday but I want you to know she's only supposed to be here for a few days. She tends to think that anyone working for me is working for her but that's not so. Heads up she'll ask you to do things for her but please don't listen to her. I've already had this conversation with her but she tends to dismiss everything that people tell her.

"She's my Uncle's only child so not only is she pushy but she's very spoiled as well. If I don't let her stay with me my family will make a big issue of it. I just want you to know that you shouldn't feel like you need to do what she says if by any chance she tries it let me know."

Great, not only is this chick trying to get in Edward's pants but she's going to be snobby too.

Not wanting to spoil the rest of the weekend for myself, I tried not to think much of Rosalie's cousin.

Sometime in the middle of the day Edward called and asked Emmett if he would go with him and A.J to the cemetery to visit his wife's grave. Emmett got his keys and rushed out to accompany him.

I helped Rose and Mrs. McCarthy get Robby and Tommy's things ready for the trip. We were in the boy's room while Mr. McCarthy horsed around with them in the back yard. When we heard Emmett's car pull up fast and park Rosalie looked out the window and gasped as she quickly ran down the stairs.

Mrs. McCarthy and I shared a look before following Rose down the stairs. The front door flew open as Emmett rushed into the house carrying A.J who was clearly upset judging by the tears and sniffling.

I stood back and listened while everyone bombarded Emmett with questions. Before he had a chance to answer Edward walked in with a busted lip. It was obvious that he was in some kind of altercation.

Mrs. McCarthy practically ran to Edward and took his face in between her hands and pleaded with him to tell her what happened.

"Did Emmett do this to you?" She asked, giving her son a disapproving glare.

Edward doesn't speak instead he just moves his head from side to side to let her know that in fact this was not done by Emmett. I take in his appearance; he still looks angry, furious even. His hands are balled up I can see his knuckles are bloody as well.

I must have said "your hands" out loud because Esme takes them in her own and examines them. "What happened Edward, please?" She begs him for answers.

Rosalie comes over to me and tells me to take the kids upstairs. I take A.J from Emmett. He clings to me and is still crying. The twins are already up the stairs as I make my way up and all I hear before I'm out of ear shot is Edward saying, "that mother fucker was there."

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><p><strong>AN: Not sure I'll have the next chapter up this week. yesterday instead of rewriting because i decided to change a few things i was all up on the BD premiere. my fail, sorry.**

**thank you for reading and review if you must.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Didn't Dream it. Don't Own it.**

**JMac3=CoAuthor at this point. No Joke she makes this thing work and for that i'm thankful and sometimes thanks just does not seem enough but thank you once again. i dont think i could say it enough to her.(the citrus is all her)**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 16**

**EPOV**

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><p>I woke up in the morning with a stiff neck. Maybe sleeping in A.J's bed was a bad idea. I just didn't want to sleep in the spare room again. I grew tired of it after being in there for months on end, and my room still has no furniture. So here I lay, in my son's twin bed. I stretch out and make as little movement as possible. I succeed and get up without disturbing his slumber.<p>

For that I'm thankful.

After another round of stretching I make my way to the bathroom for a much needed shower. I click the showerhead nozzle to 'massage' and turn the temperature as hot as I can tolerate. I stand under the steaming hot spray and allow the vigorous flow of heat to pound my skin. The steady stream not only kneads my muscles but the sound of running water soothes my mind as well.

I tip my head back into the hot water to rinse the shampoo from my hair and close my eyes and the first thing I envision is Bella.

We had such easy conversation last night until Rose and Emmett decided to join us.

For such a young woman she has a very old soul to her. Her face was beautiful under the night sky and her innocence is very intriguing. I found myself flirting with her. Those are the times I'm grateful she's just too naïve to actually catch on to the advances of an old perv.

Although the conversation yesterday was brief, she did admit to liking older men. I found that tid-bit of information interesting to say the least and when she cleared up that Rick wasn't her boyfriend, relief spread through my body.

Not that it matters much since I couldn't go there with her.

The more I thought of the enchanting young woman, the more I realized just how much her presence affected me….down there.

It's not as if I can actually control where my body decides to direct blood flow. All I wanted was a shower and now here I stand, with an erection that's impossible to ignore.

Maybe if I wasn't so hard I could just continue on with my regular showering routine, but I am a man after all and I have needs!

I grasp the base of my erection and let out a hiss. It's been too long since I've found any release. I have no doubts that this'll be quick.

I make slow, firm passes along the length of my cock taking time to rub my thumb across the tip of my penis over every pass.

I close my eyes and all I see is soft brown curls framing a beautiful brown eyed face; creamy skin with a rosy hue and lips that could bring any grown man to his knees.

Oh those lips.

I can't help the shutter that runs through my body and I lean against the shower wall for support.

Those lips, those full ruby red lips being coated by the wetness of her tongue that sneaks out before perfect white teeth bite down and nibble.

Nibble.

Nibble on the tip of my cock before that tongue peeks out again and licks the precome leaking out.

I can't help myself but her name is spilling out of my mouth with a pant as I keep on squeezing harder and tugging faster to get to my release. My eyes are shut tight.

Tight.

Those lips are wrapped tight, tight around my erection. Slowly sucking and licking along the length of my cock. Small gentle hands cup my balls.

I can't help the moan that escapes my lips as I focus on the sensations. I pump harder, faster begging for relief. I can hear myself chanting the name of the only woman who constantly invades my thoughts as of late; the only woman able to bring me to my knees.

And on my knees is where I wind up as I watch my come hit the wall of the shower is thick long spurts. Except when I close my eyes again it's not the wall my come hits, its soft perky breasts with rosy peeks that gladly accept my release. Little fingers reach up and gather the milky fluid before slowly rubbing it around small pink nipples.

I sigh when I open my lids again happy for the release, but depressed that the fantasy can't be a reality. I slowly stand on wobbly legs and finish what's left of my shower.

Once I was dressed and ready I decided to wake up A.J. I had to remind him we were going to visit his mom and he got up quickly and no argument ensued when I told him to go take a shower.

Fifteen minutes later he's telling me what he wants to wear.

He really is like a little adult at times. He stands in front of his closet and takes his time picking out the perfect shoes that go with his outfit.

That he got from his mother.

Anger and bitterness are conjured up with in me when I remember all her lies. Pushing that aside for the sake of A.J I help him with the shoes he settles with and make our way down stairs.

A.J decides on French toast for breakfast and between bites of his breakfast and sips of his milk, he manages to get out that he's really hoping for a picture with Woody and Buzz.

"Daddy it's going to be cool." He told me as his big blue eyes filled with impatience, wanting desperately to just be there with his favorite characters already. He stops for a moment and looks at me and this sad expression crosses his features and then he tells me, "don't worry daddy I'll be back. It's only for a little bit of days ….okay?"

"Of course A.J I know you'll be back soon. I can't wait to hear all about your trip." I reply.

I decided to ask Emmett if he would accompany A.J and I to the cemetery this morning. Well, more like I need him to drive because although the hot shower helped my neck it still hurts to turn.

On our way there we stopped by the florist and got a bouquet of the white roses.

If A.J wasn't with me I would have taken her a pile of shit but ….whatever.

It really is a beautiful day, the sun is shining and there's a breeze that makes the heat somewhat bearable.

"Hey, Edward," Emmett says after he puts the car in park. "I can stay in the car if you and A.J would like some time alone with her."

"Thanks, but this trip is more for A.J. You're more than welcome to join us."

He nods and we follow A.J. It's funny how he's only been here a hand full of times but he always remembers where it's at.

As we make our way to her plot I find myself feeling a little anxious. I believe it might be because I want to tell her 'good riddance ' or 'I hope you're in hell', but just as the words cross my mind I feel guilty because at the end of the day she is A.J's mother and that alone should earn her some respect.

I notice a figure walking towards the same direction as we are but quite a few meters ahead. He's tall, wearing jeans and a baseball cap.

I don't know why he originally caught my attention but as soon as I spot his hand holding a bouquet of white roses I just know.

In that moment I have a feeling.

That adrenaline kicks in and I falter my step just waiting to see where he goes. The problem with that idea is that I've let A.J run ahead of us. I think I hear Emmett ask me something but when I realize that man is walking right to the direction of her grave, I stop.

I want to call out to A.J and tell him to stop but I decided to catch up with him instead.

"Edward wait up, what's the rush?" Emmett shouts from behind me.

I want to tell Emmett that I think that's _him_ walking straight to her head stone, but the words aren't coming out.

I just want to get _my_ son.

I knew eventually I'd have to find him. I hadn't put much thought into it as I was still trying to come to terms with everything. I wanted to take my time, prepare myself, so that when the time did come when I had to stare that bastard in the eyes and ask him why he fucked my wife, I'd be able to keep my anger in check. But this, completely out of the blue interaction made me see red.

I need to get my son, and get out of there.

I quicken my pace and catch up to A.J easily. I grab hold of his arm in an effort to pull him back to me and he shouts, "Daddy let me go!" He is loud enough that the man in the cap turns and I see his blue eyes looking at me. The registration of identification on his part is quick and I see the realization hit him. He is now looking between me and my son.

I feel Emmett tense up next to me and mutter, "oh, shit."

Oh shit is right.

I cannot believe this asshole. Coming to _my_ wife's headstone and placing flowers down. It's as if the affair is still going on.

"A.J, I need you to go with Uncle Emmett, I need to speak with Mommy alone for just a moment."

"Why, we're almost there daddy, look she's just right there." He says as he turns around and points to the direction of her grave.

"Hey Daddy look there somebody already there with mommy." A.J shouts.

"Emmett, please take A.J back to the car."

"Eddward…..I don't think it's a good idea to-"

"Em, just do it."

I

I start walking towards him yet he doesn't make a move to walk away. He straightens up a little taller and tries to appear confident or brave, I can't really tell.

As I stand there looking, really looking at him, I see my son in his features. My heart is breaking all over again and before I know it I surge towards him and when we make contact, we stumble to the ground.

I get the first punch in and blood sprays from his nose but that doesn't stop me from swinging my fist again. I can hear Emmett running towards us shouting, not that I'm listening.

Emmett big arms pull me off the fucker and as soon as I'm lifted, he takes the opportunity to sucker punch me on my mouth as I'm being pulled back.

With that, Emmett lets me go and I punch him in the stomach. He bends over in pain and loss of air. Emmett gets in front of me and tells me to calm down.

I hear A.J crying in the background but I can't focus on anyone but this asshole in front of me still trying to recover from that last punch. The blood is all over his white-t and I can't help but feel a little satisfaction.

"What the fuck is your problem? Are you crazy?" He asks me as he stands up straighter and coughs a bit.

"Are you serious you fuck? What would you do if you were in my shoes, huh? Shake my hand and offer your sympathy's?" I spit out at him.

His eyes widen and understanding settles in his eyes and he takes a step back. At this point he looks dazed but confused he is not.

"You…you know?" He asks

"Look motherfucker, I don't plan to sit here and chit chat about the many times my wife fucked you, but yeah I know exactly who you are. The question is does your wife know who Alice was?"

Bingo.

Fear crossed his face that only tells me that his secret is still his.

I start laughing sarcastically and to be honest I'm being a little theatrical because I want him to squirm.

"Isn't that interesting, your wife doesn't know of the indiscretion you had five years ago? Maybe she would like to find out or even better I'm sure she will find it rather romantic that you come and visit your dead lover's grave."

The blood from his face drains and I don't feel bad.

"My wife has nothing to do with this. I understand your position, hell I even understand the attack let's just leave it at that." He tells me as he wipes his face with the end of his shirt.

Emmett is now holding A.J and I feel a lot better now that I've hit this asshole. It doesn't make anything go away but I definitely feel better.

No words are said for a few seconds so I take a chance and look up to his face and that's when I notice he's staring at A.J.

"Is th…that Alice's s-son?" He stutters out.

"That's my son" I say harshly.

He doesn't acknowledge what I say. He's too preoccupied studying my son as he clings to Emmett but his face is resting on his Uncle's shoulder facing outward.

The asshole takes a few steps forward towards them.

"Don't you fucking get near him…" I seethe.

Emmett looks at me and I know that look, it's the 'step up and be a man' look.

Fuck.

"Look asshole as much as this is killing me inside I actually need to talk to you. Not here, not now but there are certain things we have pending between us."

His gaze finally rips away from A.J and he looks at me curiously. He's not a stupid man I can see him working out the resemblance as we stand there and I walk over to Emmett and take A.J. I tell Emmett to get his information because if I definitely can't get near him again.

A.J is very upset and keeps crying. I feel defeated. I almost can't control the anger and as we get in the car and start driving back the whole scenario keeps playing in my head. A.J is still upset and he keeps crying, asking why I got in a fight with the man.

As we pull up to the house, Emmett takes A.J and tells me to calm down before I step inside the house.

"You look like shit. Give me five minutes before you go in so I can tell them what happened." He says.

But I couldn't sit there, I needed to get water.

As soon as I walk in, my Aunt is holding me. Begging me to explain what happened.

Rosalie asks Bella to take the kids upstairs and I'm thankful that I won't be scaring A.J again.

My aunt brings me an ice pack so I can press it to my lip and a wet cloth to clean my knuckles with while Emmett tells the details of the story.

"I can't believe you did that Edward." My aunt chastised me. "There's a time and a place, Edward and it's definitely not in front of that boy upstairs!"

"Well, I apologize if I let my emotions get the best of me but how do you think I felt when I saw him there standing there mourning the loss of his fuck buddy a.k.a my dead wife! I'm not going to extend my hand and say nice to meet you."

I know they all mean well and they might think they have an idea of how this feels but they don't.

"Edward." Carlisle says while he rests his hand on my shoulder and squeeze's it. "This is where you have to step up. I know that you wanted to do this on your own terms and at your own pace but life has other plans. So, as much as this pains us all you have to meet with him as soon as possible and discuss the situation."

"I know."

I know what I have to do but it's hard. There are just so many unknowns.

"Look, I'm done talking about this shit okay. I just…I-"

I have nothing more to say.

I head upstairs to get A.J without another word to my family. I owe him an apology for ruining his day. I can hear Tommy and Robby playing the WII as I get to the second floor. I look in the room and sure enough the twins are concentrating on whatever game it is they have on. I look to the corner of the room and find Bella sitting against the wall with a sleeping A.J in her lap.

Bella looks up at me and gives me that soft smile of hers that always makes the bad go away. I start walking towards them and bend down and pick him up. He stirs a little but the emotional drain he's had all day has him exhausted.

"He was still crying in his sleep." Bella whispers to me as she gets off the floor.

"I ….I didn't mean to upset him today."

"Of course you didn't Edward. Don't beat yourself up for it." The look on her face as it dawns on her the words she just used is too funny not to laugh.

So I do.

Bella's sweet blush is immediate as she giggles quietly through the hand she's covered her mouth with and I just find her completely adorable.

"Thank you Bella I know what you meant. So, don't go beating yourself about it." I say with a chuckle.

Bella seems to relax a little bit more because I didn't get upset I guess.

"Are you okay? A.J just told me you and some other man started fighting and it scared him." She explains while examining my busted lip.

"Yes, I'm fine Bella. Don't worry about me." I say.

In my periphery, I see her small hand moving slowly towards my face. I can't help but notice the genuine look of concern that crosses her face.

Ever so gently, she runs the tip of her fingers right below my busted lip. I can feel the slight tremor in her touch but the feel of her touching my skin so innocently is more than I can take. Immediately I feel a calm wash over me and I close my eyes slowly letting out a gust of air.

It's been so long since I've been touched. So long since I've felt the warmth of a woman's caress. It's completely innocent contact, but it does so much to ease my weary mind.

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry for the no show last week but you know how the holidays get and all that plus seriously JMac3 had her work cut out with this chapter. but as i stated above she is one of a kind and lets just say i was thankful for her on thursaday. i hope you all had a great thanksgiving if your from the states and if your not i hope you had a great week.**

**Also i want to thank all of you who reviewed i wasnt able to get to you but i promise that this week should be a little better than the last couple. but again thank you.**

**i dont think i'll have the next chapter ready by the end of the week and for that i apologize but you might get it on moday once again if i get it to were i'm happy with it. okay i'm done.**

**THANK YOU FOR READING. REVIEW IF YOU MUST.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Didn't Dream it. Don't own it.**

**JMac3 searching for the right words to explain to all how amazing you are just does not cut it and i want all of them to know how i think you could read minds like Edward.**

**Robert your the best all haters can suck it. (feeling overly protective of him)**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 17**

**BPOV**

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><p>Awkward doesn't begin to describe how I feel at this moment. Not only the feeling but how I look, in my ratty t-shirt with my faded sweats. To be fair I was still sleeping when we got an unexpected visitor.<p>

The boys and their grandparents left yesterday for Los Angeles. The boys were so excited that they forgot to say goodbye to me as they drove off to the airport with their parents.

Rosalie and Emmett took their own mini vacation for the week, before her cousin arrived. Edward insisted that they take some time off since he was out for two weeks. It didn't take much convincing and they knew he could handle the shop without them.

Rosalie's cousin wasn't supposed to arrive until the end of the week when Rose and Emmett returned but she had other plans apparently.

I had this idea that maybe with just the two of us around we would have time to get to know each other better. Not that I expected him to hang out but I think I'm good company and he is always willing to talk.

Well, since he's been back anyway.

My mind keeps going back to the other day when his lip was bruised and I reached out and touched it. I felt myself get lost in those green eyes but there was something in the way he looked at me.

_Yeah the fact that I was acting like a weirdo._

For a moment when we just looked at each other I had a fleeting thought that maybe he could see me. See me as more than just the nanny.

But I don't live in a fantasy land and as quickly as the thought entered my brain the escape was even faster.

Especially now that I have this 5'9 platinum blond with red stilettos and legs longer than me traipsing around, her white shorts (more like a napkin) are barely covering her butt cheeks. The fabric is so thin I can actually see her thong or lack thereof. The red spaghetti strap low cut top does nothing to hide her fake breasts but does everything to show them off.

Her hair is in a ponytail and her lips are covered with the reddest lipstick I've ever seen.

_I thought only hookers wore that__?_

Hookers and apparently Rosalie's cousin, Jane. How lovely.

She tilts her head back as she laughs and gently places her manicured hands with tacky red acrylic nails on Edwards's bicep.

I don't know what to make of these feelings inside of me, well besides inadequacy. My hair is just brown and up in a messy bun and my hands have never seen a nail shop. I've also never ventured towards the make-up section at the store in my life.

The only thing that's making the scene bearable is the fact that Edward looks as uncomfortable as I feel.

"So, Jane we were all under the impression that your arrival was in a few days?" Edward asks as he slowly backs away from her advances.

_Jane_ has made her interest in Edward _very _obvious since the moment she arrived. I personally think she's laying it on a bit thick, but what do I know, right?

"I wanted to surprise everyone, plus it gives me a little bit more time to hang out instead of just work." She answers as she advances towards him.

_Talk about not having boundaries._

It looks like she doesn't understand the meaning of personal space and me standing here doesn't affect her efforts at all.

Edward quickly glances at me with desperation, _please_ _help _is written all over his face.

I don't know what comes over me but I really don't want her anywhere near him. So, I just start talking.

"Umm…Edward" I say, sounding like a little girl afraid to speak up "It's almost time to go, I just need to change and we should really get going or we're going to be late."

He looks at me curiously and relief washes over his features.

"Right." he says as he looks at his watch, reassuring me that time is ticking. "Yeah, we should really be getting a move on it. I'll wait for you in the car. Jane, I'm sure you know where everything is we'll see you later."

"But Edwaaaard, I just got here. Can't I come?" She whined.

Ugh.

"NO!" We both said at the same time.

It took a lot to not start laughing at the outburst.

"It's a personal matter of Bella's." Is all he told her but she wasn't satisfied with it.

"I'm sure Bella can find another ride or just lend her your car, we could start having some fun." She purred at him.

I stood there waiting to see what he was going to do. I couldn't come up with something more believable.

"Bella doesn't know how to drive, plus I had promised her to take her last week when she asked. So….like I said, you know Rose's house and I'm sure she would want you to feel at home. Bella, I'll be in the car." And with that he was walking out the front door.

I excused myself as well.

It was in record time that I dressed and threw my hair up in a ponytail and as I was walking out the house Jane was still standing in the same spot she'd been in before looking a little dumbfounded.

All I heard as I closed the door was, "Now, who the hell is going to bring my suitcases up to my room?"

Soon as I closed the car door, Edward looked at me and started laughing.

I couldn't help but join him because this was too ridiculous to make up.

"Bella seriously," he said as he backed up out of the driveway. "I can't thank you enough for helping me out back there that was genius."

"It was the first thing that came out." I explain to him.

He keeps chuckling but hits a stop light and looks over at me. "Note to self: always use the front door." He tells me as the light turns green and he keeps going.

The fact that he kept driving didn't even faze me I didn't even care where he took me to be honest.

"Anyway," he says interrupting my thoughts. "The reason I went over was to ask if you needed anything before I took off for the shop."

"No, not really I guess you could just drop me off at the house I don't think shell notice if I go through the back and sneak into my room." I tell him.

I might or might not sound a little disappointment on my own idea, but the fact is I wouldn't mind going to the shop with him. I doubt that he wants me around and the only reason I'm even here with him is because being groped by Rose's cousin wasn't in his agenda for the day.

"I'm hungry," he suddenly tells me as he makes a turn into a diner. "Let's get some breakfast."

"Sure," I answered but I don't think it mattered if I would have said yes or no he was already in the parking spot and out the door by the time I even finished agreeing.

We took a seat in a booth towards the back of the diner. His green eyes focused on the menu and my brown ones focused on him.

Edward senses that I'm looking at him because he pops up from the menu and gives me a curious smile "So, do you know what you want?" He asks me.

The waitress is now standing there waiting for our orders and Edward decides to get the biggest breakfast they have; eggs, bacon, and a side of pancakes while I just order French toast and some orange juice.

Edward is slowly and carefully sipping on his black coffee when he stops mid drink and appraises me with curiosity. He even does the head tilt thing.

I want to look away but I'm a little intrigued to see if he will actually ask something. It's kind of written all over his face that he wants to speak.

"I'm wondering about you." Edward says thoughtfully, "what's your story? I know that you lived with your mom and you're from Arizona but there's obviously more to you than just those facts."

Edward places the cup down in front of him and continues on. "Tell me about you." He requests.

"What do you want to know?"

"Do you keep in touch with any friends or ex-boyfriends?" He asks

A burst of laughter escapes me and I can't help but think that he'll soon find out how pathetically alone I've been my whole life.

"No, I don't keep in contact with anybody just because I never really had anyone to begin with. There were school mates but no one I would hang around with after school and share personal stuff with. I've also…"

I pause and look down to the table. I can't help being slightly embarrassed about the fact that I've never dated a boy before. I try so hard to hide the blush that I'm sure is covering my face and chest before I continue on.

"Umm...I've also never really had a boyfriend before so…"

_Ugh. Embarrassing! _

I glance up to see that Edward is staring intently at my face. He looks as though he has something to say, so I wait.

"You've got to be kidding me." Is all Edward says.

"Nope, serious as a heart attack."

"How can someone as beautiful and kind as you not have an ex-boyfriend out there? I just don't see how that's possible, Bella."

_He thinks I'm beautiful?_

"Well maybe you need to take a trip to the Optometrist. " I say with a chuckle. "I don't think anyone has ever referred to me as "beautiful and kind" before, Edward and while I must say I'm flattered you'd refer to me as such I think we both know that's not the truth."

He leans back in the booth with a look of utter and complete shock on his face.

"Bella," he whispers breathlessly.

I can feel my heartbeat pick up and my breath starts coming quicker. No one has ever looked at me the way he's looking at me right now. Sadness, disbelief and confusion flash over his features before he remembers himself. He leans forward towards me and grips my hands on top of the table before he says.

"You don't see yourself clearly at all do you, Bella."

At the feel of his hands on mine I allow myself to relax and I close my eyes, inhaling deeply.

"I suppose Edward that is because there isn't much to see."

Before we get any further into it the waitress was back with our meals. I watched as she set two big plates with his full breakfast in front of him. I couldn't help but smile and observe how he was already eating everything by just looking at it. He licked his lips oh so slowly as he poured the maple syrup on top of his stack of pancakes.

How I wish I was the stack of pancakes!

Yeah that was definitely a weird statement even to me but the thought of being in his mouth.

_Too much._

Forgetting that I had my own food waiting because I was too busy looking at the way his long fingers curled around the fork and knife as he carefully cut through his stack, slowly bringing the small pile to his mouth and how the syrup slowly dripped to his chin.

I wanted to lick him clean.

"Bella?"

Edward said waving his hand in front of my face bringing me back to reality. He was whipping his mouth clean and gave me his crocked smile. "Are you going to eat?"

I picked up my fork and started to dig in. It was good, really good in fact and I think that this may be the best breakfast I have ever had.

As we ate we eased back into our conversation, which was strictly about me. He wanted me to continue the reason I had left and so I did.

"In all honesty the Blacks are the only people I speak to from back home. They keep me well informed about my mother and I simple love them so it's good to talk to them once a week."

"Why don't you call your mom? I know you mentioned before that she raised you but what made you leave. Not that we aren't all thankful to be graced by your presence here but what made you walk away from your only home?"

I decided to be honest and explained to him the life I had with my mother and her never ending questionable boyfriends. He sat there and listened but I could tell he grew uncomfortable about my tale of Phil. I started off from the beginning with the weird hugs and the accidental walk-ins into my room.

Once I hit the part about how Phil basically forced himself upon me but I was able to hold him back from actually getting what he wanted, he put the utensils down and looked upset.

"You know Bella….we could be in Arizona by tomorrow if we take off today. I could make that piece of shit regret ever laying a hand on you."

Edward was serious and as flattered as I was that he would defend me, Phil was not worth any type of energy.

"It's okay I just hope my mom realizes that he's not the one for her. She is in love with the idea of being in love so these losers promise her the moon and stars and she buys it. They fight and make up and that's almost every other day so I hope I could go visit her at one point. Not that I think it makes a difference to her but….she is my mom and I love her. I think she just needs to find herself."

Edward stayed quiet for what seemed like forever. I could tell he was hesitating to speak but he just stayed quiet.

"Is there anything you else I could get for you?" The waitressed asked us.

"Just the check please, oh and if I could get an apple pie to go as well" he tells her. "You have to try this thing it's so fucking good it'll have to wait for dessert tonight."

The distinct ringing of Edwards's cell phone breaks us out of our dessert talk and after a brief look of curiosity he answers. I can tell by the look on his face, the way his eyebrows nit together, that he's less than pleased to hear who is on the other side of the call.

I see him close his eyes and taking a deep breath. Through clenched teeth he speaks into the phone. "I didn't realize that Emmett gave you my direct number. I'm not happy but this has to be done sooner rather than later. Yes, tomorrow will be fine. But this conversation cannot be at a restaurant or some public place you'll have to come over my house or I could go over yours which I doubt you would like."

Edward rolls his eyes and looks at me, "we won't be alone, a friend will be there."

I could only assume he is referring to me. I can kind of guess who he is speaking with and my stomach starts tying in knots. This meeting will be hard for him to deal with and I watched as his hand balled up into a fist. Without really thinking about it I reach across the table as he gives his address and I place my small hand upon his. I can feel the tension release as he loosens up his hand enough for me to hold it.

Edward is done with the conversation and is looking at me with a mixture of sadness and anger behind his usually bright green eyes. I'm still holding on to him and I promise myself at that very moment as I stare into those sad eyes, that I won't let go.

I start rubbing my thumb over his knuckle, silently thinking that he and I have much more in common than we should.

"Thank you, Bella."

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><p><strong>AN: just wanted you to know that the 'romance' part of this story is starting (i know took long enough) but first Edward has to deal with A.J' bio dad. :/**

**to everybody who dropped a word last week, Thank you this week has been ...long and yeah writing two diffrent chapters for two diffrent stories.**

**if you are reading IC last chapter is finished being beta'd hopefully up this weekend.**

**Thank YOu for Reading and Review if you must.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Didn't Dream it. Don't Own it.**

**I believe my xmas present came in the form of JMac3 in making this story much MUCH better. **

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 18**

**EPOV**

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><p>Standing in my bare room with the bare walls and seeing the symbolism of this moment. In less than an hour I'd be having a conversation that I <em>should<em> not be having.

No man that had his vows respected should be having.

But in reality, my wife didn't respect any aspect of our marriage. She also didn't respect her own son by lying to everybody.

"Aahhhhhhhhh!" I yelled out into the empty room.

The aggression is building but I promised Emmett and Rose last night that I wouldn't do anything stupid. That I would behave, that I would be the perfect example of holding my shit together.

I was so grateful to Bella for agreeing to stay with me during this meeting. As much as I'd like to say that I can keep my cool, I'm not sure I can control myself when I hear details of their sexual relationship.

Rosalie and Emmett offered to come back early not only for the meeting but to occupy Jane as well.

Jane.

Thankfully I'm able to avoid her… most of the time.

After dropping Bella off after our breakfast I drove to the shop and got to work on two different cars. Each took up much of my time and I arrived home later than usual.

Before the unfortunate phone call during our breakfast, I was having a great time with Bella. I liked finding out about her past, even if the things I was hearing made me want to strangle Phil for ever trying to lay a hand on Bella. I was equally disgusted with Bella's mother for her lack of parenting.

The sound of the doorbell breaks me out of my reverie and I pray its Bella arriving before the meeting. I know her presence will calm me so I'd prefer she'd arrive before that son of a bitch.

Making my to the door and not even bothering to look out the peephole, I swing the front door open only to be greeted with the last person I want to see on the other side.

Jane.

_Note to self always look through the peep hole._

"Edward," Jane purrs out.

Sometimes I wonder if she could just say my name without sounding like she's about to climax.

"Jane, what are you doing here?" I ask sounding a bit aggravated. I can't help myself.

"Good morning to you too handsome. Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"I would but I actually have someone coming over regarding a personal matter. I don't mean to sound rude but I just don't have time for this little game you're trying to play."

"Come on Edward," she whines as she reached to drag her fake nails down my shirt covered chest like a cat with a post. I grab her hand half way down my chest and remove it.

"Jane seriously I don't have time for your shit today." I say rather bluntly.

"I get it Edward, you're stressed, but maybe I can help you out with that?" Jane said seductively, well for her anyways.

I will say one thing about Jane, she's definitely persistent. I don't sugarcoat my responses to the woman and I always sound, look, and express that _I'm not interested_. Either she doesn't process my constant refusals or she simply ignores the fact that I don't want anything to do with her.

I'm practically pushing her out the door when I see Bella make her way over.

_Oh, thank god._

Bella instantly notices the dilemma I'm in with Jane and takes no time to act.

"Excuse me, Jane?"

Jane doesn't even look back at Bella. "What?" She replies rather clipped.

"Umm, someone has been calling your phone for the past five minutes it just kept ringing."

"Shit!" She mumbles to herself. "We'll pick this up later, Edward." Jane coos as she makes her way back to the house.

Bella and I share a smile and I know that she and I are thinking the same thing, "good riddance".

Still smiling shyly at me Bella informs me that she didn't lie to Jane, her phone was ringing.

"Lie or not Bella, thank you for running interference." I chuckle.

Bella and I set up some coffee and snacks. I find it pointless but she thinks it's a good idea because offering coffee and snacks to my wife's lover is supposed to make things seem less awkward.

Were still in the kitchen when the doorbell chimes again and I can't help but feel like I'm going to throw up. Bella offers to answer the door and get him settled in the living room so I can get my shit together and act like I won't hurt this motherfucker.

Taking in large gulps of air and slowly releasing it my anxiety is starting to show in the form of pacing back and forth in my kitchen. I can hear Bella greet the fucker and offer him some coffee. He thanks her but declines so she excuses herself and tells him she was going to get me.

Once she walks in the kitchen she grabs my hand and tells me, "It's time".

I can't help but wrap my fingers around her small hand. I can feel myself releasing some tension and give her a slight tug so she won't walk away just yet. We make eye contact and I feel like she and I are having a silent conversation. Her beautiful brown eyes are so expressive, like she's silently offering a pep talk and encouraging me to keep hold of myself, if not for me, then for my son.

After a deep breath, I slowly make my way to the living room and when he enters my sight standing in front of the fire place looking at all the pictures I have of A.J and myself, I clear my throat and he swiftly turns around. He looks pale and is visibly shaken up.

"Why don't you have a seat?" I say to him.

He slowly makes his way to the couch across from the one I'm sitting on. The coffee table is in between us with the coffee and snacks growing colder as we sit there examining each other. Bella slips her hand on mine again and brings me back to the present and ultimately why we are here.

"How did you and my wife meet?" I asked.

He blinked a few times and looked a little confused about my question. I don't know why buy I wanted to know. I wanted to know how it all started.

He clears his throat. "Initially, we met when my best friend Peter was planning his wedding. "

Of course she was planning a wedding and found it convenient to fuck the best man.

"How long did it take you two to start messing around?"

"Does it matter? Why do you want to know how it happened? I don't want to make this into another fist fight. Can we just get down to the real reason I'm here?" He answers me defensively.

I'm starting to get pissed and I think I might of squeezed Bella's hand a bit too hard when I was about to lose it because she placed her other hand on top of our joint ones and started caressing my mine slowly.

A few minutes pass by in silence until I gathered myself enough to say. "He's yours."

The tension was palpable but surprise was not written all over him. I'm sure he had figured it out once he saw him and even more with the pictures that I have on display at my home.

Jasper takes a deep breath and makes eye contact with me.

"She never said anything." He says to himself, "Why?"

I don't know if he's asking me or himself but I answer.

"Because you told her about your wife, so she thought it best to lie to me and make believe he was mine rather than go and ruin your perfect life, she decided to destroy mine." I chuckle disbelievingly.

"She loved you so much she didn't want to disturb your life."

He doesn't say anything for a few moments but I can tell he's a little hesitant about whatever it is that he's actually trying to say.

"The day at the cemetery I knew he was mine. He…he looks just like me and when you said we had things to talk about I knew that it was more than the relationship I had with Alice."

"For the record I love him I don't care _if_ you are the biological father _I'm_ the one that has raised him _I'm_ the only one he knows."

I want to let him know that he is mine and if he wants nothing to do with him its fine because so far A.J has been a happy child.

"I understand that but the reality is I didn't know I have rights. I've already talked to a lawyer and he suggested getting a DNA test so we could proceed from there."

_Proceed from there? _

"What do you mean "proceed from there"? What do you think you're doing? You're just going to show up at your house with a child that your wife knows nothing about?"

I can feel my heart beat speed up as the panic starts to set in. Bella is whispering for me to calm down, but how could this asshole come into my home and spout about his rights to a child I've raised since day one?

"Look." Jasper says after he takes a deep shaky breath. "I don't mean to upset you anymore than you already are but the truth is that if he is mine he should be with me. Regardless of whatever transpired at the end with Alice I loved her and if I would have known about him-"

He doesn't get a chance to finish before I cut him off.

"I've raised A.J as my own since the day he was born and you think you can come along years later and try to take him away from me? I don't think so!" I shout.

Visitation right I can agree to but to think he can take A.J away…I don't think so.

_Stupid_.

I should have known better, I should have known that this wouldn't be easy.

"What? You would have left your wife for your lover? Your wife was pregnant as well. "

He takes a deep breath and stands up.

"I'm going to talk with my wife today I'm going to explain the situation. Maria is very understanding and if there is a child involved she will do the right thing." He sounds convinced that his wife is just going to embrace A.J with no questions asked. He's a fool to think it will be that easy.

"if you think I'm just going to hand over my son you are a bigger dick than I assumed. I love him; I don't care if he shares the same crappy DNA as you. I've always been there for him and if we have to go through the court then so be it."

"We could make this easy or difficult Mr. Cullen. I am that child's biological father and if I want him I'll get him."

Shock is overpowering me and I'm unable to respond. I can hear Bella telling that jackass that it'd be better if he left and that douchebag yelling something from the foyer about his lawyer being in contact before the front door slams shut.

_Panic_

My stomach feels fuzzy. It's like my world is collapsing and at this very moment, I hate Alice more than ever.

I hate myself for trying to do the right thing.

Edward, do you want some water or a soda?" Bella kindly asks.

I shake my head no because I'm honestly not thirsty but I could sure go for something that I have over in the liquor cabinet.

I grab the tequila bottle from the bottom shelf, that I know hasn't been touched in quite a while and take gulps straight from the bottle, the burn is welcomed.

I make my way over to the couch with the bottle in hand. I keep drinking; waiting for the numbness to quickly making its way all over my body.

"Edward, I think you should stop drinking." Bella interrupts my thoughts about leaving the country with my son, where nobody could find us. "This isn't the best way to deal with the situation. Do you want me to call Emmett?"

"Bella, just go."

"I'll be quiet but I think you need com-"

I grab the bridge of my nose and try to sound normal. I don't want to scare her but I just want to yell and tell her to get out. That she is too pure to see this, to see me fall apart again.

"Please just go Bella I need to be alone. I don't want you seeing this again. Seeing how I fall apart…please just let me be…." I can't help the tears that start to run down my cheeks. After everything that has happened lately, after everything I've lost…I just can't imagine losing my son too.

"Just leave Bella, please…just leave me alone."

I take another drink, close my eyes and rest my head back just waiting for the alcohol to take place of the pain.

I need something to help release me from this nightmare called my life.

I can hear Bella picking things up from the coffee table but I tell her to just leave everything and go.

"Edward, if you need someone to talk to please call me, okay?"

"Thank you, Bella."

I don't know how long I've been sitting here just slowly taking drink after drink. I want to get up and do something but my body has relaxed to the point of feeling like lead.

My eyes are still closed when I hear the door slowly open. I can hear the distinct sound of high-heeled footsteps coming towards me.

"Bella I told you I want to be alone" I slur.

She doesn't answer but I feel her standing right in front of me.

_What is she doing?_

Feeling her straddle my legs takes me by surprise and I immediately try to open my eyes but I can't seem to focus on the person before me.

Until my nose is assaulted with the overly pungent perfume that Jane wears. I'd recognize that scent anywhere, it always has the same effect on me.

Gagging.

"Jane what are you doing?" I ask lazily.

Jane's overdone face is inches away from mine.

"I take it your meeting didn't go so well? I found Bella crying in the kitchen so; I thought I should come over and check on you."

My body and brain don't seem to be working together because no matter how hard I try to push this vapid woman off my lap she keeps wiggling closer to my dick mumbling about making it all better while she kisses down my neck.

"Eddie, come on I can make it all better."

A groan escapes my lips but it's not one of pleasure, it's of annoyance but it seems to spur her on and she takes my earlobe in between her lips.

Jane continues to kiss and suck on my skin and I can't help but think about how long it's been since I've been touched by a woman. So I rest my head back against the couch.

I can feel her slowly pecking my lips and after three small pecks she slowly starts sucking on my bottom lip. I don't respond, I don't act upon it but she doesn't give up and for just a moment I relish the thought of being wanted by someone, anyone.

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><p><strong>AN: Being this time of the year time is very limited but i would like to thank everybody who reviewed last chapter i read all you rock. Sorry for no update last week but it was one of those weeks. Next chapter is already with JMac so i hope to update on tuesday. **

**if you celebrate Happy holidays. i hope everybody has a safe one.**

**THANK YOU FOR READING. REVIEW IF YOU MUST.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Didn't Dream it. Don't Own it.**

**JMac3 i keep everything you add because it makes this story better, thank you for being so great :)**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 19**

**BPOV**

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><p>I get far as the kitchen when I break down. It's not because he told me to leave although it that stung, I understand his wanting to be alone.<p>

I hear Jane close the front door a few minutes later and I hope she's not trying to corner Edward again.

_I'll give her this, she is persistent, maybe she would be best suited for Mr. Newton across the street._

Debating whether or not to call Rose and Emmett I decided that it would be best to let them know what happened at the meeting.

I'm unsure how to handle Edward. To be honest, I expected him to be furious with rage, not silent and calm. I expected the Edward I witnessed after he read her journal, or when he saw Jasper at her grave. His lack of reaction after the meeting was over has me concerned. The desolate look in his eyes was heartbreaking and the only movement he made was to pull the bottle to his lips and take a drink.

This worried me much more.

I called Rosalie and Emmett when I settled myself again. I apologized for calling them on their second day of vacation but from the sounds of things they were having a great time. I wasn't sure how to broach the subject of Edward but luckily I didn't have to.

"How did the meeting go with Edward and Jasper?" Rose questioned. "Please tell me he didn't land himself in jail for attacking him again?"

"No…no jail time thankfully, although it was hard for him to keep his cool especially after what Jasper told him. Apparently he has a lawyer and wants full custody."

I felt guilty telling them, really it's none of my business but they needed to know where everything stands as of right now.

Rosalie doesn't say anything but I can hear Emmett taking the phone away from her and asking me to explain what happened. I more or less let them know what was said.

"So how did Edward react after that asshole left?" Emmett questioned sounding very frustrated.

"He told me to leave him alone….he started drinking and I tried to stay longer but he insisted that I leave, so, I did. I didn't want to push since he was already in bad shape." I explained to Emmett.

"Don't feel bad Bella, let me call him and don't take it personal he probably just wanted a moment for himself to process everything and find a way to deal with all this bullshit. I hope he hasn't drank himself into a stupor like he usually does. I'll call you right back okay?"

"Okay."

"And Bella?" He said before hanging up. "Thank you for being there with him."

I make my way to the bathroom and take a peek into the mirror. My eyes look red and puffy from all the crying I just did so I splash my face with some cool water and brush my teeth.

I change into some sleep shorts and a tank top, looking forward to crawling into bed and sleeping the rest of the afternoon away. Now that the house is empty, well except for Jane, I'm free to relax.

The phone rings a few minutes later and its Emmett.

"Bella I know he told you to leave him alone but could you just go and see that he's alright and not choking on his own vomit?" Emmett sounded serious. "I called both his landline and cell and nothing. I don't want to scare you but he tends to get sloppy drunk. You know where the extra key is at right?"

"Yes, ummm do you think there might be something wrong?" I ask as I go to the drawer that holds Edward's house keys.

"I didn't mean to scare you but I just want to make sure he's okay. Call once your there okay."

After hanging up I make my way to Edwards as fast as I can. Once I reach the front door I slip in the key but before I'm able to turn it Jane opens the door with a huff.

She is standing before me with flushed cheeks and her eyebrows knitted together looking a bit confused. She abruptly stops before slamming into me.

"You again." She says, her tone dripping with disgust. She purses her lips, narrows her eyes, and slightly shakes her head before mumbling "What the hell is wrong with him…I'm me..she's her!"

I look back to see her walking towards the house and she's still talking about "me" and "her" and "he's crazy to pass this up."

…_Wrong with him, oh my god!_

Running inside I find myself in the dimly lit living room staring down at a passed out Edward. His hair is in disarray. His button down shirt is completely unbuttoned, framing his sculpted torso. I can see lipstick smudged all over him and I can't help but notice the smell of tequila that has overpowered the room. I spot the bottle on the floor leaking out and staining the carpeting.

"Edward ….are you awake?" I asked nervously.

"Jane I told you to get the fuck out! " He slurred as he sat up a little bit. He slowly opened one of his eyes. "Shit…." Edward whispered, "Bella, this is not what it looks like." He sat up even more and started rubbing his face with his hands as if he was trying to wake up.

"I…I didn't say-. I trailed off mesmerized by the way his abs would flex and clench in his efforts to be upright. "I just wanted to see if you were okay. Emmett tried calling you, he wanted me to make sure you where okay….but I can leave if you want me to I know you wanted to be alone"

_But somehow Jane was here with him._

"No! Please stay…I want to apologize for kicking you out….especially if I knew Jane's crazy ass would have…forget it. Just know that I really am sorry."

It's more than obvious that he is completely drunk and I want so badly to ask him about Jane. It's none of my business but I'm not going to lie, it hurts.

He tilts his head to the side and eyes me from head to toe. I immediately blush under his gaze. No one has ever looked at me the way he's looking at me right now and I can't help but feel a bit exposed. I follow his eyes as they trail slowly up my torso and when his eyes stop and stare, his Adams apple bobs as he swallows, I take a moment to look down at what I'm wearing.

My feelings of exposure make sense now as a stand before Edward in my sleep clothes. My breasts aren't large and voluptuous but you can definitely tell I am sans bra at the moment. Embarrassment heats my face and all I curse myself for wanting a damn nap. Then I remember Edwards state of inebriation and hope he doesn't remember any of this tomorrow.

I hear Edward clear his throat and I look up. He pats the couch next to him, I guess he wants me to join him. I walk over slowly unsure of what to do but he leans back again and tells me to sit.

It's quiet and he doesn't offer any words after telling me to sit down. Suddenly the phone rings and I jump a little. Edward doesn't seem fazed by the unexpected noise.

"It's probably Em" he offers as I answer the call. "Just tell him I'm wasted. EM, IM WASTED!" He laughs. "OH, AND GUESS WHAT?" He continues yelling so Emmett could hear him.

Emmett just tells me to put him on speaker, so I do.

"What?" Emmett questions him.

"Your wife's slutty cousin tried to get some. She…" he breaks into full on laughter "She thought that …." He keeps breaking into fits of laughter as he tries to explain what happened. "Because I was drunk it was finally her chance…" Edward is holding on to his stomach "I told her that if I ever hit it I would quit it and act like I never did it. "

I can hear Emmett's chuckle through the phone. I can admit that a drunk Edward is a funny Edward.

Wanting to distract myself from that particular conversation I pick up the bottle of liquor on the floor and decide that it may be best if I make him some coffee.

I go into the kitchen while Emmett is trying to get more information from Edward regarding Jane. I quickly throw together a pot of fresh coffee. When it's completed I place the mug with black coffee on the table and take my seat next to Edward who is still going on about Jane and her seductive ways.

"Really Em, you should have Rosalie talk to her it's just not normal for someone to act that way."

"Yeah, I'll have her give her a call and explain slowly that your just not there yet."

"HA! Not there yet? Oh…I'm there alright but not for her."

When he says that I turn my head to look at him and I'm surprised to see his eyes intently focused on me.

"I actually have my eyes on a beautiful young woman who you could say I have a crush on. I feel like a teenage and shit. "He chuckles.

"Wow, you haven't mentioned anything before."

Edward shrugs his shoulders as if Emmett could see him. Keeping his eyes on me he tells Emmett that he wants to sleep and just hangs up on him.

"Here." I pick up the coffee that I've made him. "You should drink some." I offer.

Still looking at me he slowly reaches out and cups my cheek with his hand.

"You…are perfect." Those green eyes have never looked so intense.

I would be flattered if he wasn't so wasted.

"Don't think I'm just telling you this because I've been drinking ….I always admire your beauty even when I'm sober."

I want to believe him, I really do but…

"Maybe, you should take a shower?" I offer.

I'm sure he doesn't want to wake up smelling like stale booze with Jane's lipstick marks all over him.

"That sounds like a great idea, Bella." He slurs as he nearly face plants on the carpet. It's actually quite comical watching him weave and fumble. I quickly place the mug of coffee down on the table and rush to his side to stop him from bouncing off the wall and into the glass front hutch.

I grab hold of him around his waist and he drapes his long arm around my shoulder. His hand slides around my ribs and I feel his long fingers wrap around me directly under my breasts.

With my one arm snugly around his waist, I place my other hand, palm flat, against his abdomen. His shirt is still open and I can't help but wiggle my fingers around the fine trail of hair that disappears below his jeans.

I've never touched a man this way before. Hell, I've never even seen a man up close without a shirt if you don't count the fat beer bellied pigs my mother brought home. Edward is firm and long and lean and…_sexy_.

_So sexy_.

Making our way towards the stairs, I feel all his weight leaning against me. He starts counting the stairs as we climb each one. I can't help but giggle at how silly Edward is. I much prefer silly Edward than angry Edward.

I know that he's been using the same bathroom as A.J so we stumble our way there. I urge him to sit down on the toilet so I can start the shower and give it time to heat. I quickly turn around when I feel a set of eyes on me again.

"Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks." He tells me but just when I think that's all he has to say Edward surprises me.

"Some days, all I can think about is crashing my lips onto yours. You should have seen Jane's face when I told her I wanted you….." He pauses.

I want to look up at his face but I can't find it in me to place my eyes on the beautifully broken man that was sitting in front of me.

"Priceless." He says with a chuckle. "I don't think she _or you_ realize how naturally beautiful you are."

I'm scared. Scared that he doesn't mean it or maybe scared that he does.

I want to question everything he is saying. I want to tell him how wrong he is but then I remember how much alcohol he's ingested today and quickly forget about his words; focusing again on the water temperature of the shower.

When he started throwing his clothes off I decided it was time to get out of the bathroom. Soon as I closed the door I heard him vomit. It didn't last long and after I heard the toilet flush I could hear him signing in his shower all the way from down stairs. I didn't recognize any of the songs but at least they sounded upbeat.

I called Emmett back while Edward showered to keep him updated and he made me promise to stay with Edward until he goes to sleep. I also promised to make sure all the doors were locked so Jane couldn't sneak in again.

Turning on the TV, I settled down on the couch and waited for Edward to finish his shower tryouts for American Idol. With a heavy sigh I rested my head on the back of the couch. I couldn't help but find some hope in Edward's words. Could he really feel for me the way I feel for him? Does he really see me as more than just the young nanny with a crush?

I didn't even realize that the signing had stopped until I could hear Edward coming down the stairs. He was looking fresh and I could smell the improvement from across the room.

"You have no idea how good that shower felt." Edward said as he swayed just a little back on to the couch where I was at. "I was glad you had walked out of the bathroom when you did, I started throwing up but it made me feel better." He sounded a little more sober.

The lightness of the energy around us started to change when I noticed him looking up at the mantel where the family photos were. I saw the moment when it all rushed back.

"I was hoping that I could forget, and I did but…reality is a bitch."

Sitting back with a large sigh, Edward reaches out for my hand and I quickly grab his.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Bella, can you stay here with me? I really don't feel like being alone anymore?" The sadness in his voice echoed on each one of those words.

Settling myself right next to him, hands joined, my head slowly found his shoulder and his cheek came to rest on the top of my head.

"I'll stay as long as you want me to, Edward."

"I want you here forever, Bella." he mumbles sleepily.

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Edward."

And I mean it.

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><p><strong>AN: Edward did not let Jane get her filty paws too deep, do you think i would let my Edward go there? Never. but i would like to thank all of you who did drop a word or two on the last chapter because it was xmas i didnt have time to reply but know that i did read all and i was shocked on how some of you reacted but it just made me realize that you do care about my characters just as much as i do. Some of you even said that this might be the worst Jasper they have ever read and alice, i think i've read worse but hey i'll take it.**

**Have a Happy New year and i will see you next tuesday. (i'll see if i can post sooner)**

**THANK YOU FOR READING. REVIEW IF YOU MUST.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Didn't Dream it. Don't Own it.**

**As per-usual JMac3 fixed what needed to be fixed and makes it all better. I heart you.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 20**

**EPOv**

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><p>It's too bright and I don't want to open my eyes. My head is pounding, my mouth is dry and tastes like shit…but I've had worse.<p>

_Never_. _Drinking_. _Again_.

Not sure how long that statement will actually hold but at this moment, tequila is the devil.

My right side feels heavy and warmer than the rest of my body. Ever so slowly, I turn my head to the side and crack open my eyes. My vision is blurry and the light filtering in though the window makes them start to water immediately.

I instinctively try to raise my right arm up to rub my eyes but it's weighed down. It's then that I hear the sound of deep, heavy breathing.

It's then that the memories of yesterday creep in.

_Jane straddling me and smudging her red lipstick all over my chest._

_PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE HER!_

I slowly open up my right eye and peek again.

Just in case it is _her_ and I can't handle the sight.

Relief consumes me when I see brown hair instead of blonde.

After a deep breath, I relax back into my spot with the brown eyed beauty at my side and go over the events of yesterday. It always takes me a few minutes in the mornings after a night of heavy drinking to remember everything.

No, I'm not one of those people who claim they don't remember "_what_ _happened_." It might take me a few minutes but it always comes flooding back.

Remembering that in fact I told Jane that _she_ was not the one I wanted makes me chuckle.

I stifle my laugh when It starts to jostle my cozy sleeping beauty. I can't help but stare at her as she sleeps on me. I want to tilt her head back so I can see her beautiful face. If I could only wake up to this sight everyday my life would be...my heart would be…

_Peaceful? Beautiful? Happy?_

My bladder feels like it wants to burst but I don't want to wake her. I like her here with me and I hope she believed my drunken word vomit because I need her to know. The feelings I have just keep growing. Even after I kicked her out yesterday she came back and was her amazing self. Not too many people would do that- sit around and indulge a drunken fool for most of the night.

I want to keep thinking about Bella and the many ways she is perfect but it's just a distraction to the real issues I have plaguing me.

No more pity party for me, I need today to be productive and progressive. I guess I should contact my lawyer and see what my rights are? I should have known better than to be a decent human being it just comes back and bites you in the ass.

I should've just kept him mine; I could've just not told _him_ anything but I don't think anything would have changed seeing as we bumped into that fuck accidently.

Feeling Bella stir beside me, I'm reminded of her presence. I can't help the small smile that appears on my face at the sight of her. She looks so precious, so lovely curled up into my side. Her perfect heart shaped face smushed against the nook of my armpit.

Lucky for her I showered before I passed out.

I don't remember ever feeling like this with Alice and it's honestly a little unsettling.

I try again to reach my right hand up to rub over my face but now I realize we are still holding hands. I look down at our entwined fingers and her small hand looks perfect in my big one. Bella looks perfect anywhere near me but this…this here feels right.

Very right.

If it wasn't for all the other bullshit happening in my life, I would tell her exactly how I feel even if she ran for the hills. Although, I'd like to think that maybe she might feel the same for me.

Not just anyone would do for me what she has, especially after yesterday's events. I want so badly to be able to protect her from the world. Protect her from her past but she's the one that's been protecting me.

I desperately want things out there between Bella and I. I want so badly to sit her down and address the things that were said yesterday.

I just need to pull my head out of my ass and do it!

Bella stirs again, except this time she yawns and squeaks a bit before snuggling even tighter to my body. Well, more like wiggling her soft breasts against my side before she throws her leg over my thigh and snuggles her hot core against my hip.

_Oh dear Lord in Heaven._

I can't help the groan that escapes my mouth. She's so warm in all the right places, places I'd like to see, or touch or…

My cell phone starts going off. _Thank God._ It's just on the coffee table and in my reach, so I'm able to grasp it without moving too much. Bella stirs once more, the ringing surely startling her from her slumber.

It's my Aunt's number and I quickly answer it to hear a crying A.J.

"Daddy I wanna go with you." He sniffles.

"A.J, aren't you having fun? You're going to hurt Grandma and Grandpa's feelings for crying." I tell him.

"I'm having fun I just miss you."

I shouldn't smile at his sadness but I can't help how reassuring this is to me.

"It's only a couple more days, okay Buddy?"

"Little bit?"

"Yes, and hey? Don't you get to see Woody and Buzz today?"

"Yeah." He answers a bit more cheerfully.

"So, tell me what have you been doing?"

A.J goes on and on about playing in a pool that was shaped like Mickey and pancakes with smiley faces. He tells me every detail from the Mickey toilet paper to the blue water fountain he threw pennies in and I can't help but laugh at his enthusiasm. Of all the things to see and do that's what he chooses to share with me? Toilet paper?

Our hand holding in tact Bella, sits up a little and stretches as best she can with only one hand. I can't help but get lost in the way she arched her back and how her hair was slowly falling down as she removed the hair band thingy. The smell of whatever shampoo she uses invades my senses and I think I almost lose it.

"Dad? Did you hear what I said?" A.J shouts in the phone.

Yeah, I know, I'm on the phone with my son but at this point he could be telling me he's taking up crack and I wouldn't know.

_Great_ _father_.

Refocusing on A.J I let him finish his stories and let him know that if he feels like he misses me to have Grandma call me, it doesn't matter what time. I think after the conversation he feels better and I take a few minutes to talk to Esme. I know she wants to ask me things but she holds back and assures me that even though A.J had a little melt down the boys have been really good, surprisingly good. I'm glad that they are having a good time. We say our goodbyes and I remind her to call if A.J feels a little homesick again.

When I hang up I can feel both of us staring at our hands and I don't feel embarrassed or the need to let go.

I start slowly caressing her hand with my thumb. There is so much I want to say but I honestly don't know where to begin.

"I can make you some breakfast if you want?" Bella asks breaking the silence.

"We could do that while we discuss yesterday." I reply coolly, like I have everything under control.

We both get up, still attached and I inform her that if I have to keep tasting my hangover breath I might just pass out. She giggles a little and tells me she should go wash up as well.

She still not back by the time I get down stairs and into the kitchen. I remember the apple pie is still sitting there waiting to be eaten, so instead of wasting time on actually cooking something I put the pie in the oven and let it heat up as I set up two plates on the island. Taking out two glasses and filling them up with some milk I remind myself to call Jenks after Bella and I have breakfast.

Nerves start to overtake me, how does one bring up the fact that they have more than just an employer/friend feelings towards someone?

I don't want to scare her and it seems that every older guy she has had to deal with has made a pass at her but I can't help but think that she looks at me a certain way. All that could just be wishful thinking from my part. I don't want to be lumped up with the Newton's and Phil's she's had to deal with. And I definitely don't want to end up in the same category as that kid Rick.

_Ugh_.

I should just concentrate in getting my shit with A.J ironed out.

Bella is taking longer than expected but its welcomed it gives me time to get my thoughts in order.

The sliding door startled me a bit when I heard it open. Looking over my shoulder I see Bella looking a bit nervous.

"Hey I decided to heat up the pie" I announce taking the pie out of the oven as she avoids eye contact with me. "Bella is…is everything alright?" I ask concern laced in my voice.

She just stood there not moving and still avoiding my gaze. Moving towards her I gesture for her to sit. Without any spoken words she sits down. "I know that it's not a typical breakfast but it was fast and well to be honest I couldn't resist the craving."

Bella just gave me a small smile and mumbled an _okay._ We just sat there slowly eating our own piece of the pie.

"The best right?" I asked her to see if she would at least try to look at me regarding the pie.

"Yeah, really good." She answered as she continued to look just at her plate.

Finishing first I sat there absorbing how she took each bite. I could tell she was taking her time, I'm sure she was stalling.

"I want to discuss yesterday with you." I started saying before she even finished her last bite.

Grabbing her glass of milk and drinking all of it without stopping.

"Don't…don't worry about it. You were a little out of it." She said a little sadly.

"Bella, I just want to clear a few things that were said yesterday."

Disbelieve was etched on her features. "You don't need to feel guilty or the need to justify yourself. I understand that you were under the influence and that …."

"Bella!" I cut her off and take a deep breath. This is it.

"Listen to me, please. When I told you what I thought about you, how I told Jane that I wish it was you instead of her I meant every single word."

I get up and start pacing because I want to say so much but already I sound like a creep. Taking a deep breath I walk over to her close enough so I can have her full attention and not totally invade her personal space.

"I don't know when it happened but some time in between taking care of my son and just being there for me in the moments I needed somebody, I started to feel…feel something that I haven't felt in a very long time. And I know …I know that I'm coming off as just another asshole that is trying to hit on you but I'm not… I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, and I don't want you to feel weird or anything but I just felt that I needed to tell you because I'm not good at keeping things in."

I needed to stop talking. I don't think that I made any type of sense but I felt that this thing building inside of me has lifted and I can breathe properly again.

"I'm sorry Bella I just couldn't hold it in any more." I continue.

"I don't want anything from you. Hell, if you want we can act like this confession never happened. I'm not going to hold it against you if you don't want to be around me. I don't want my feelings to be a reason for you to feel weird I-"

Bella finally held her hand up as to tell me to stop, which I did.

I can't help but try to read her, try to see if I'm able to tell what she might be thinking.

The only thing I get from her is this shocked expression on her face, maybe a little dumbfounded on my confession.

Finally after what felt like forever she started to speak.

"You….you like me more …than a…friend?"

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><p><strong>AN: I want to Thank all of you who reviewed last chapter, know that holidays are all over I will be going back to actually responding. But i do read all and love hearing your thoughts on it.**

**I hope you all have a Great New Year : )**

**Thank You for Reading. Review if you must.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Didn't Dream it. Don't Own it.**

**JMac3 thank you for cleaning it up and being the best. **

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 21**

**BPOV**

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><p>My body has lost its ability to function.<p>

I hear every word spilling out of his mouth, but somehow all of it feels like a dream.

Edward Cullen, is more or less professing his feelings for me. I don't even know where to begin!

I mean …how could this be real? This could only happen in my dreams. I must still be snuggled up into his side on the couch because things like this don't happen to people like me.

The urge to pinch myself crosses my mind the whole time he is pacing.

_Edward Cullen is nervous._

This whole situation is completely surreal and I'm just sitting here like an idiot barely breathing until his emerald eyes focus on me.

I start blinking more than necessary because I feel like I'm in a daze and need to come back to reality. I motion him to stop because the more he speaks the more unsure I am on how to respond.

"You….you like me more …than a…friend?" I stammer.

I know he just said as much but I just don't believe it. I'm honestly waiting for him to start laughing and tell me this was just a joke or maybe this is his nice way of telling me that he has noticed my infatuation with him.

_Oh god I know I've been obvious._

Before indulging me with an answer he sits back down on the stool.

"Bella, I definitely like you more than just that." he says completely serious, no trace of humor whatsoever.

The silence takes over again because I want to process everything that is happening to me internally. Edward takes a deep breath and slouches in defeat. His face looks sad and it hits me that my lack of reaction has made him assume that I don't feel the same.

I slowly get off my stool and take the few steps to place myself in front of him. His head is hung low and it seems like he is focusing on his bouncing right leg. I'm not sure if he realizes that I've moved this close but I can't have him to thinking all the wrong things.

I want to tell him how my whole life I've been shut down in the dark just going through the motions of my so called life. But since I've been here with not only him but his whole family, I realize there is so much more to life than what I've experienced.

I want to let him know that his words have turned on this fire within me that I never knew existed. With each word he spoke, my heart feels like it just finally started beating.

This man has no idea the effect he has on me.

"Edward," I say softly as my hand automatically goes to grab his. The expression when he looks at me is of confusion. Holding our hands together is different this time. It's so much intense and the energy is buzzing through me, through us.

With the emotions strong within me I speak from my heart.

"The other day when we went for breakfast remember how you told me that I don't see myself clearly?" I ask him.

Without letting him actually answer I continue. "Well, the same sentiment goes for you as well. You don't know….you have no idea how amazing you are, Edward. Not only are you a beautiful person physically but your beautiful in here as well." I say, poking his chest with my finger.

"Bella you don't have to..."

"Don't have to what? Tell you how others see you? How I see you? "

Edward's stare is intense, like his trying to see if I'm lying and if I wasn't experiencing the high that I am, I know I wouldn't be able to hold his stare. I feel brave, lighter even knowing that maybe the feelings I have for him have a chance to be reciprocated. Without letting go of our hands I take my left hand and with my fingertips I slowly trace his jaw line. He closes his eyes and his breathing picks up.

_I know the feeling._

Next thing I know our foreheads are touching leaning against each other. His eyes are still closed but slowly open as I start to speak again.

"I know that you're scared but I can honestly tell you I feel the same ….or even more for you. I know there is some rule about what I'm about to say but I have to let it out."

_This is it no turning back__._

"What is it?" He whispers.

"I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you." Now it's my turn to close my eyes.

He spoke of _like_ I'm changing the conversation dramatically admitting to being in _love_ with him.

I expect him to pull away and question my sanity. But when he doesn't I feel safe to re-open my eyes and I'm met with the most dazzling green eyes, I can't help but look down and notice the smile gracing his face.

"Bella, as much as I would like to believe that you think that you love me. You are young and you've never…" I pull away as the words reach my ears.

_He doesn't believe me._

"Experienced a relationship. I don't want to put my heart in a place where I know it'll get broken. Because your young and at your age-"

I have to cut him off because he's getting me upset.

"I knew that my age would be a factor. Yes, I'm young and yes, I've never had a boyfriend but you know what I think? I think I know what I feel for you, Edward and I understand your apprehension towards the whole thing but… I. love .you."

Wrapping my arms around his neck I hold him tight as I repeat my admission.

"I love you Edward you're it for me. I don't expect you to feel the same I know you said you liked me but maybe that will grow into love and you will see that I will never have a change of heart."

There's a long pause and I bury my face in his neck, hoping to hide the embarrassment of his coming rejection when I hear him whisper.

"Alice did."

"I'm not her Edward, I know what I want" I say understandingly.

"She thought the same when we got married but look at where I am now…" he says sadly.

"Edward, I know that you are the one. I know this is much more than you expected but since you had the guts to tell me the truth I figured I should do the same. "

Finally I feel both his arms wrap around my waist and hold me even closer to him. Our bodies are flushed against each other and I feel like I'm home.

He is warmth, he makes everything better.

"Rose is going to kill me," he states softly.

"Why?" I question.

"Because I'm about to change everything…"

I'm not quite sure what he's going on about until he places his lips on mine.

_Frozen._

He gives me a small peck that makes my lips hum and my body tingle from the very top of my head all the way down to my toes. It was chaste but as he pulled back his eyes bore into mine and I couldn't help but return it.

My body was on instinct and it knew it wanted him. Placing my lips upon him this time was different, it wasn't quick. He took my bottom lip and sucked on it slowly and deliciously. Still having no idea what I'm doing I let him lead.

Wanting to keep my eyes open to make sure this was truly happening to me but decided on not freaking him out, I closed them. Which made the feeling, the sensation that much more intense.

This moment right here I never want to leave. I want to bask in it forever.

I don't know how much time passed but we stayed in that kitchen in the same position; him sitting on the stool and me standing in between his opened legs with our arms wrapped around each other just kissing. Nothing with tongue but it was soft and perfect.

_Just right._

Time has no existence in our little bubble until the phone goes off. Pulling away reluctantly from me Edward reaches to his back pocket and grabs his phone. Taking a step back to give him space as he answers the phone I keep my arms locked around his neck.

_I don't seem to want to let him go._

Looking down at his phone he seems pensive. He holds his finger up as to tell me _one_ _moment._

"Hello"

I could hear a man's voice coming through on the other end.

"This is Edward Cullen may I ask who's speaking…?"

Edward releases me and starts to stand up his eyebrows are knitted together. The stool scrapes a bit as he pushes it back and my arms fall as he fully stands up.

"I rather not have this conversation with you I will have my attorney contact you. I don't care what Mr. Whitlock wants, listen …."

He starts motioning me to get him a pen and paper. I quickly go make my way to the living room where he has a small side table that has what he's asking for. He is still on the phone and sounding a little more than frustrated.

'…listen I really am not going to have this discussion or agree to anything until my lawyer contacts you..."

I place the pad of paper and the pen in front of him on the island and he is asking this person for their name and number. Edward informs the person that he will be hearing from his lawyer as soon as possible.

I don't think he even let the man finish when he abruptly hangs up on him.

"FUCK!"

Without any other words he starts to dial a number. Edward is back to pacing but this time is not because he is telling me how he feels about me, this time it's about keeping his son.

"Jenks, this is Edward Cullen I have a problem..."

Not wanting to invade his space as he deals with this situation I make myself scarce and go sit in the living room as he continues in the kitchen speaking to his lawyer. He's had to retell the sorted details of everything that's been happening for the past few weeks.

Once he is done he comes in the living room and looking more exhausted than when he woke up. I don't think the hangover is helping much but I could see a sad small smile form as he looks at me sitting here, waiting patiently.

"Sorry about that Bella…I just needed to get the ball rolling with this. That asshole already has his lawyer calling me and demanding to work a deal out…like my son is some property? What the fuck is wrong with him? I should just beat the shit out of him again. At least that will make me feel better."

I stretch out my hand to him and he grabs it as he sits down right next to me.

"I don't know what I'm doing here? I don't know what to do about us, about A.J, about my life?" Leaning back on the couch much like yesterday he closes his eyes and I can see he's trying to calm himself down.

Not knowing what exactly comes over me I decide to straddle his lap. I want to be close to him and I want to show him that I'm all in. That he does not need to think about _our_ situation because I'm here for him; to be here and listen to him and hold his hands and kiss away the pain.

As I settle on top of him he opens his eyes and chuckles before he asks me "what are you doing?"

"I'm not Jane don't worry I'm not trying to go _there_…I just want to be close to you. Don't push me away Edward." I say to him practically pleading.

"Bella there is no way in hell I would ever compare you to _her_. And to be honest you are more than welcomed to do this or anything you want to me." A genuine smile graces his face.

"I want _us_ Bella I really do but I'm going to be a complete mess of a person as all this shit goes down. I don't want to hurt you on my days that everything will be too much for me. I don't want to put you through the rollercoaster that I'm about to be riding while this whole mess cleans itself out."

I grab his face with both my hands as I speak to him. "I'm here for you Edward and I don't care your allowed to have those days. I just want to be here." I say to him as I place my hand on his chest on top of his heart.

"You already are."

With those words I meet his lips once again but this time passion takes over, no more sweet and shy kisses these are needy and as he slips me his tongue I think I go into shock for the second time in one day. My body has never experienced anything like it but it takes on a mind of its own and starts responding to his movements.

I feel his arms go under my shirt and caress my back, I want to rip whatever he has on and I feel like a hussy to be honest but its Edward so could anybody really blame me? In between our heated exchange he's panting about how much we want this to work.

"We.,." kiss "have to" kiss "tell" kiss "Rose" kiss

I stop and look at him.

"I don't want her to kill me because if this," he motions between us "if _this_ doesn't work out, it won't be good if you decide to leave."

"Don't worry about it. _This,_" I mimic his motion "will work out because I'm in it forever."

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading. Review if you must<strong>


	22. Chapter 22

**Didn't Dream**** it. Don't own it.**

**JMac3 I'm glad this was smooth(ish) for you. As always your the best.**

**A/N: I've been trying to upload this since yesterday but ff was hating me..sorry again for the delay RL drama (bla, bla) okay on with the show.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 22**

**EPOV**

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><p>"…happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Bella, happy birthday to you."<p>

We all sang to Bella as she blushed furiously and gave the shyest smile. She wasn't expecting the impromptu surprise party. She never mentioned anything about her birthday coming up and the only reason we knew is because while Rosalie was organizing some paperwork she found Bella's application from when she applied at the shop.

The kids where as surprised as or even more so than Bella. They started jumping up and down when she walked in with the three little boys and everybody yelled "SURPRISE"! For a second Robby, Tommy and A.J's eyes went wide on the sight of the big cake sitting in the middle of the table.

Before they rushed the cake Rosalie explained to them that it was Bella's birthday and that this was her surprise party.

Seeing as Bella isn't too social it was just us, some people from the shop that she's met and somehow Rosalie got the Blacks here on short notice. They didn't hesitate to be here for her and it makes me appreciate them even more than I already had for always being there for her. Bella is completely speechless and seeing the look on her face when she realized the Blacks were here is indescribable.

Bella throws me a look as to ask me, 'you knew all about this', so I send her a cheeky smile and a wink to confirm that, in fact, I was In on it and didn't give her a heads up.

It's been two weeks since we've been 'together'. After much deliberation Bella agreed with me that we should tell Rose once some time had passed. Not that I want to hide her, that's not it at all, I just want to be solid. I don't want anybody questioning us, we already know that people are going to have their own opinion on the situation, but we're wiling to stick it out.

More like she's assured me that it will 'all work out'. Bella has a positive outlook when it comes to us.

I stay away as everybody takes turns congratulation her. The doorbell rings and Rosalie beams at Bella informing her that it must be some more guests.

_More guest__? E__verybody Bella knows is here?_

Seth even brought his girlfriend that's only met Bella twice. Two familiar looking kids run across the living room and right behind them is that guy Rick.

Great, this is going to be interesting.

Emmett walks over to me and leans against the wall as well.

"I told her not to push this." He says right before he takes a drink out of his bottle of Corona.

Taking a gulp out of my own I just side eye him and ask, "not push what exactly?" trying to sound as natural as possible. My eyes dart back to that guy Rick who is giving Bella a gift nicely wrapped with a fucking bow.

_Pussy_.

"That." He says as he tilts his head towards Bella and the _guy_.

My eyes refocus back on them and I see Bella looking uncomfortable as hell as he hugs her.

I'm old enough to not be some raging jealous prick. Shit, if I was ten years younger that mother fucker would be getting pushed against the wall and possibly punched.

_A lot of help that did for me in my marriage._

"Earth to Edward, yo bro where'd you go?" Emmett's fingers snapping in front of me brought me back to the conversation we were having.

Shanking my head slightly to get back in to the present, "what?" I asked.

"I was telling you how Rosalie thinks Bella needs to give that chump a chance; I've already told her to stay out of it."

"Huh."

"And speaking of giving people a chance, are you ever going to spill on who you're crushing on?" He asks me as he shoves me a little like where in grade school.

_Fuck!_

The whole Jane situation hasn't even been brought up with us. She left the next day and hasn't responded to Rosalie's calls. That works for me I don't want her repeating anything that I told her that night, and I'm sure she is just preserving her self-respect.

_Whatever_

"I was drunk."

"Yeah, you were but I know you." He says as he fully faces me and points at me.

"There is somebody since we came back don't think I haven't noticed that fucking smile on your face. The whole A.J thing gets you frustrated and I see you down but that only last for a second because whoever she is ….is making you take things a little easier."

"Whatever Emmett, there is no one."

"Edward you act like I don't know _that_ look in your eye, last time you had that you married the woman."

"She is nothing like Alice." I mistakenly state.

"I knew it!" Emmett basically yelled. All eyes were on us after his exclamation.

"Shut the fuck up asshole." I whispered to him.

"Nothing to see here back to your business." Emmett says to the room full of people.

For fuck sakes even the kids stopped what they were doing.

"Fuck, Emmett could you be more annoying right know?"

"Yeah, but that's not the point, so don't try to back track. Now, tell me who it is?"

Taking another gulp of beer I let the words linger. I should just say yes there is someone but we are taking our time, but knowing Emmett that won't suffice.

"Look," I say. "There might be something I'm trying out. With that said don't push me on it we are….taking our time and … just waiting to see if it works out."

Emmett goes back to leaning against the wall and just turning his head to look at me.

"Okay, I won't push but my question is when the fuck did this exactly happen? I mean you go from work to home, except that trip you took to Forks…oh! Did you meet her up there?"

"Em, seriously I don't want to talk about it just yet when the time is right I'll tell you okay." I say with my that-is-that tone of voice.

Putting his hands up in surrender we go back to just watching the evening unfold.

Bella keeps glancing at me as she speaks to the Blacks and the guy Rick who apparently decided to be glued to her like a piece of gum that gets stuck on your shoe.

In the two weeks we've been sneaking around we've already have this unspoken communication going. Once everybody is off to sleep we meet up in the back yard. That's our time to be together and learn about each other. I love kissing her and discovering cute little things about her.

Like when I nibble on her ear lobe it makes her giggle. She always ends up pushing me away because it's too much for her. But my favorite thing to do is slowly drag my lips on the soft skin on her neck.

Her natural scent is intoxicating and more than once I've left our little midnight sessions in need of a very cold shower.

Last weekend she came over to '_clean' _and by total coincidence Rose and Emmett decided to take the boys miniature golfing. I was invited but I had a meeting with Jenks in the afternoon, what they didn't know is that it was over the phone.

Bella came over as soon as they departed for the day. As she stepped into the house I practically attacked her by gently pushing her against the door and slowly welcoming her with a nice heated lingering kiss that left both of us breathless.

Making our way to the living room she settled right where she belongs on my lap. Funny how comfortable and almost confident she is when it's just us. I see it in her eyes, and although my wife lied, cheated and fell in love with someone else I can see myself believing everything Bella confesses to me.

Not sure when I'll have the opportunity to sneak away from everybody and give her a good birthday kiss today. It's difficult to act like she doesn't affect me when I'm in her presence. Bella is the fresh air I need every day.

The boys distract Emmett for a few minutes and I take the time to give Bella the _look. _I tilt my head to the side letting her know that I'm stepping to the back yard.

"Em, I'm going to step outside for a few." I tell him as I down the last of the beer. "I'll be back."

"You need to stop smoking, it used to be every once in a while but don't think I don't hear you out there every day now in the middle of the night."

"Wh..What?"

"Yeah, I usually get up to take a leak and when I look out the widow I see you stepping out to the back yard. Just saying man, I know your old enough but I've never seen you smoke as much as you do know."

"I'm not smoking, Emmett don't worry about it. I just need a little fresh air…Like now."

"Okay whatever I'm just letting you know."

For a second there I thought he was going to say that he has seen both Bella and I going at it like a couple of teenagers.

_Well….half of that might be true._

Sliding the door and stepping into the backyard has become my favorite part of the day. More like my second the first will always be the time when A.J comes and cuddles with me on the couch and falls asleep.

If it weren't for Bella I would be constantly going over all the legal talk and meetings I've had with my lawyer for the past couple of weeks.

Jenks was my father's best friend, after the initial phone call where I briefly explained the situation he assured me that he would do everything within his power to help me.

Even though he isn't in family practice he didn't want to refer me to anyone else.

"_Edward your family, I couldn't trust anyone else to handle the situation like I would. Don't worry I will do everything that is possible to keep your family as is."_

The reassurance that he will do everything to see this thing not affect my family was all I really needed to hear from him. Since then he's already spoken to Whitlock's joke of a lawyer. That the only thing he knows what to do is throw deals.

Jenks has kept me well informed on the conversations they both have had but assures me that right now nothing can be done until we see a judge.

The court date is already set for three weeks, just the thought of it gets me anxious and I can feel the panic attack sneaking up on me.

I start breathing hard and I want to keep it together because I know that as soon as Bella is able to sneak away she'll come to me. I don't want her to see me like this on her birthday, or ever really.

I move myself to the side of the house and as soon as I hear the sliding door I'll get myself together to greet her properly. But right now I feel my hands shaking and I slide down to the floor, close my eyes and take deep breaths.

Concentrating completely on my breathing I miss the sliding door being open because when I feel the warmth on my hand without even opening my eyes I know who it is.

Bella's voice is soft and full of concern when she speaks. "Edward are you feeling well?"

I don't know how she does it but she's able to calm me with just her presence.

_Fuck when did I become a pussy?_

I open my eyes and watch her crouch down in front of me. She's looking at me with those big brown eyes and a smile slowly forms on my face. All I want to do is grab and kiss her.

Bella sits next to me and mimics my position, grabs my hand and brings it up to place a kiss on it.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart."

"Thank you…I was really surprised to see everyone. This meant so much to me and I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"It was a surprise, plus I was a little upset with you for not telling me it was your birthday."

"I never really celebrated it so I didn't see the point of telling anyone really. But wow, you guys got the Blacks to come. You don't even know how much I've missed them."

Turning slightly to face her I cup her cheek and pull her in for her birthday kiss.

Every kiss with Bella is like the first one. The feelings that she invokes I can't even begin to understand myself. I might be off base but I never felt like this before. I thought that Alice was everything but Bella's existence in my life is ten times more than what Alice was. I don't know if it's because her memory is tainted now because of all the shit she did to me

The moment when our lips touch each other the current of desire and unexplained energy that travels between us is very addictive.

She's addictive.

Before we get carried away I have to reluctantly pull away and give us some space. Panting slightly we both know we should go inside before anybody notices our mutual absence.

Letting her go ahead of me I take my time to get myself together and walk into the house. Stepping in, I make my way back to the living room and the first thing I notice is the front door open and that guy Rick holding it. Emmett and Rose are dealing with the twins who apparently got into a fight and it seems that A.J and the other kids are in the front lawn playing.

"Bella's out there with them." I hear Emmett tell me as he takes Tommy in to the kitchen.

I had this feeling growing in the pit of my stomach. I don't know why I rushed passed that guy and stepped out to the front yard.

Standing there at the edge of the driveway with a fucking smile was Whitlock.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading. Review if you must.<strong>


	23. Chapter 23

**Didn't Dream it. Don't Own it.**

**JMac3 while being sick took her time to make this better. This would be one of those chapters that she is co-author of just saying...seriously. all the good stuff at the bottom is ALL her ;) THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING...loved everything you added. you are much better with the words when it cum's to that lol ;)**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 23**

**BPOV**

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><p>Everything happened so fast. One minute I was chasing the kids out in the front yard and next thing I know, Mr. Whitlock is standing at the edge of the driveway. There was no car so I can only assume he walked.<p>

I haven't told Edward that I think I've seen him at the park with a little girl. He keeps his distance and when I try to get closer he disappears. I'm sure that's his daughter with him. I can tell she has long dark hair but I can't see her face since they are never close enough.

I don't feel right keeping this from Edward but I'm not positive that it is him. I don't want him worrying more especially if I'm not one hundred percent certain. I did however, mention it to Rosalie and she told me to just keep the kids with me at all times.

"There is no reason to freak out. Mr. Whitlock hasn't approached him and he's is staying at a distance for a reason. Let's just keep everything normal, school is starting and they won't be at the park anymore."

So, once school started, we haven't gone back; we take walks around the block instead so they can have a little distraction before starting their homework. It's after one of these walks that I find a note on the fridge when we arrive home telling me to bring the kids over to Edwards.

I wasn't expecting anything for my birthday but I was pleasantly surprised with the little party Rose, Emmett and my Edward put together.

_Yes. I said MY Edward._

Seeing that the Blacks could make it to my party was completely overwhelming, I've missed them so much. Although I speak to them once a week, seeing them in the flesh was something I needed.

The latest news from back home was how my mom finally got rid of Phil and has been sober for the past few days and she started asking about me.

"Bella, we know she's your mother but we won't give her any information about your whereabouts unless you want her to know. You could call her, she has told us in the past week that she's worried and would like to talk to you." Mr. Black told me.

With everything going on here I haven't had time to really worry about my mom and her issues but I suppose this gives me something to think about.

As soon as I stepped back in the house after my private birthday kiss with Edward in the backyard, the kids wanted to play in the front yard. I was happy to take them out as I was trying my hardest to avoid Rick. I can't understand why Rosalie decided to invite him, but then again she doesn't know that Edward and I are involved.

My heart was beating frantically when I realized that Mr. Whitlock was standing on the sidewalk outside the house. I immediately scanned the yard looking for A.J but there is only one person that catches my eyes at that moment.

Edward.

Rick is holding the door open as Edward rushed passed him.

I didn't pay much attention to what he was saying as I ran to A.J and picked him up.

"Hey A.J lets go inside and play one of those video games you like."

"Bella, let me go." He tells me as he tries to wiggle himself out of my arms.

"A.J" Rosalie calls to him. "Stop disobeying Bella and get inside with your cousins."

As I try to make my way to the front door I hear Edward telling Mr. Whitlock to, "get the hell out of here!"

"He is mine; can't you see he needs to know who his real father is?" Mr. Whitlock sounds like he might be drunk.

"A.J I'M YOUR DAD, I'M YOUR REAL DAD!" Mr. Whitlock screams towards the house.

With my foot I push the door to closed. When the door slams shut it helps drown out the yelling match that is occurring outside.

"Bella?" A.J says, barely about a whisper.

"Yes, honey?"

"What was that man talking about?"

"Nothing important, how about you go upstairs to your room, Tommy and Robby go and play with A.J upstairs, okay?"

"Can we play the dancing game?" Tommy asks excitedly.

"Yeah, that sounds good; you can even blast up the volume, hurry up and go."

I watch as all three boys run upstairs both Mr. and Mrs. Black come up to me.

"Bella, we don't know what is going on but Mr. Cullen is about to start pounding on that other man."

_Oh_, _no!_

I can't let him lose it; I'll bet Mr. Whitlock will use it against him.

Without any more explanations I head outside. When I open the door all I hear is two men yelling and causing a scene outside. Mr. Newton and the Webbers are standing on the side walk hearing and watching everything unfold between these men.

Emmett is in between both of them, but the one that is trying to get passed him is Edward.

"You, mother fucker what else do you want? " Edward yells over Emmett's shoulder. You already fucked my wife, she's fucking dead and the rest is up to the courts. So, unless you don't want to die today I suggest you get your ass out of here!"

"You don't get to tell me what to do. He has every right to know that I'M HIS REAL FATHER!" He yells out.

"This mother fucker." Edward says as he tries to get around Emmett.

Poor Emmett, I can't hear him but I see him whispering things to Edward that obviously are being ignored.

Rose goes up to Mr. Whitlock, her posture is demanding attention and her stance is demanding respect.

"Listen here you tool bag, the fact that you think that showing up out of the blue and yelling a private matter to the whole damn world just shows what a douche bag you truly are. " He tries to interrupt her but she just hold up her hand. "NO! You don't get to interrupt me, this is my home, this is my family and you have already damaged enough of it. Most importantly what the fuck do you think you're doing telling a five year old…do you hear me a five year old that you're his father. What is wrong with you? Don't answer that, it's rhetorical because it's more than obvious that this is not about that little boy because if it was you would act differently."

During Rosalie's speech Edward was able to stay still and stop fighting but the tension is still there.

"So, before I call the police you better get your ass out of here, NOW!"

Rosalie doesn't move she stands right in front of him like a protective mama bear and doesn't let him infiltrate her domain.

I slowly walk up to Edward and reach out to touch him, he gets startled a little but soon as he turns to see me he gathers me in a hug.

My arms wrap around him and I just tell him to "calm down". His hold on me tightens and in that moment it's just us.

"Where is he?" Edward whispers to me.

"Don't worry; he's in the room with the boys."

We stay like that until I hear Emmett's car turn on and realize that he is taking Whitlock with him. "Let's get inside Edward."

As we slowly pull away from each other I realize that we have an audience. Not only are the Webbers and Mr. Newton still standing around on the other side of the street looking at us, Rosalie and the Blacks are as well.

I want to act as natural and un-affected by being in his arms but I don't know if I pull it off.

All of us walk inside but I fall back as Rosalie walks inside with Edward. I can feel both the Blacks looking between us.

Once inside I hurry to the kitchen and make some tea I think we all need it.

The Blacks excuse themselves and inform me that they are staying a few more days at Seth's parents' house. I promise to have lunch with them tomorrow and they both give me the 'we need to talk look'.

Emmett comes back relatively quickly and looks annoyed, don't blame him, he had to deal with Mr. Whitlock.

The rest of the afternoon I stayed clear and went upstairs to be with the boys. I didn't want to stay and listen to private family matters although Edward will always keep me informed of everything.

After some time had passed Rosalie and Emmett called out to the boys and that was the cue to leave.

As we descended down the stairs Edward sat on his couch looking like the weight of the world was all on him.

He looks up at me and gives me a sad smile. "Bella I would like to apologize for ruining your birthday…it truly was not my intention to-"

"No, please, no apology is necessary. I know that the situation was out of your hands."

I wanted to hug him and kiss him. I want to give him peace but Rosalie and Emmett and all the kids are looking at our more than awkward exchange.

"Well, we could try to make it up to you Bella." Emmett started, "if you want."

"Oh, no it's fine I was surprised that you even bothered before his arrival I must say this was the best birthday I have ever had."

"It's getting late, let's go kids." Rosalie orders. "Edward you need to talk with A.J."

We all look at the little person that curled next to Edward and was already fast asleep.

"Yeah, I know I guess that's what I'll be doing tomorrow."

With a wave good bye the McCarthy's walked out of the house first.

As I followed behind them I can feel when Edwards hand grabs my arm.

"Hey, come by later…use the front door."

I nod and walk faster to catch up with the rest of the family.

Thankful that they all sounded and looked exhausted I said my goodnights and went to take a shower. He has never asked me to actually come over. It's always been just meeting up in the backyard but I saw the look and it scared me and exited me all at the same time.

Trying not to think about it too much I quickly took a shower and decided to wear what Rosalie got me. A cute pj set. Some really short shorts with Hello Kitty and the matching tank top. It was cute and I don't know why I just wanted to look good for him.

Maybe I thought I could distract him from all the things he's had to deal with.

Once I arrive to his house I quietly slide the back door open and enter the dimly lit kitchen. The house is quiet and there is no sign of Edward anywhere in the living room.

I don't know why I find my stomach full of butterflies and anticipation is growing within me. I slowly step on to the first stair as if my foot might let off an alarm.

Each step I take as I get closer and closer to the top feels heavy and I don't know why my nerves are heightened.

Maybe it's because it's the first time we are here in his house at night?

Not alone, A.J is here fast asleep in his room.

Maybe Edward doesn't want me up here?

Maybe he wants me to wait downstairs?

The realization of the latter being what he probably wants doesn't come fast enough as I reach the top of the stairs.

I turn to my right in the direction of his room and the door is ajar and I can see the light filtering slightly to the dark hallway. On my left is A.J's room that also has the door ajar with the nightlight on.

With every step being carefully placed one foot in front of the other I reach his door. I want to knock but for some reason I don't. I enter without making any noise and I find him sitting on the edge of the bed with his elbows resting on his knees and his head hung.

I walk to stand right in front of him, my hand automatically reaching for his hair.

He startles a bit but soon relaxes as I start to run my fingers through his mane.

Edward brings his hands up to grip my hips and leans into my stomach. I can feel his hot breath escape his beautiful mouth through the thin material of my tank top.

"I'm so sorry I ruined your-"he starts to mumble but I cut him off.

"I already told you don't be." I say breathlessly.

His hands start to slide up and down my hips and they slowly make their way under the thin material of my tank top.

My fingers continue to tangle through his hair as my shirt rides up. I can feel him skimming his nose along the skin right below my belly button. I can't help the goosebumps that immediately arise; the sensation is incredible and only gets more intense when I feel him placing gently wet kisses to the same spot.

I inhale a deep breath and look up towards the ceiling before I look back down to see those beautiful green eyes staring back at me.

"Bella," he whispers so softly, his lips barely move. I slowly give him a gentle nod of my head, silently giving him permission, or at least letting him know that can comfortable with him, with where this is going.

He continues to stare deep into my eyes as his gentle warm fingers work their way up my sides, under my shirt. When he gets to just underneath my breasts, his ascent stops briefly before grabbing the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head.

I can feel the flush start to cover not only my face but my exposed skin.

"So beautiful," he tells me as he continues where he left off. His nose is inhaling as he makes his way up my now bare stomach.

As he trails higher he manages to grasp my sides and change of positions. His long lean body now hovers over my prone body that lay across his bed.

My hands never leave his hair but I'm no longer running my hands through it. I'm grasping tighter with every new kiss he lays upon my skin.

Once he reaches my heart he presses his ear against it.

"Relax." He tells me as he places another kiss right above it. I know he's right.

I get this intense urge to kiss him so I let go of his hair, place my hands on either side of his face and make him look up at me again. As soon as his eyes meet mine, I lift my head up until our lips finally meet.

I lead this kiss. It's intense and passionate and when I slip my tongue past his lips its warm and wet and I'm falling. Falling into Edward, content to stay in this man's arms where I feel safe and protected and cared for.

Something that I've yearned for but have never been able to grasp. I have that now, the security, the courage, the utter relief, and I have that because of him.

My body now has a mind of its own because somehow I manage to straddle him and do the exact opposite of what he did to me. I grab his t-shirt and in one swoop remove it off his body.

The single movement had me, one again, my back with him hovering over me.

I felt as my bra straps where pulled down from my shoulders and how in two seconds it was just me and him bare chest to bare chest.

My fingers wanted to touch every uncovered surface on him. His muscles flexed as he held himself up and reached behind my back while still managing to place those desirable kisses along the throat and jaw. His fingers gently traced along the edge of my bra straps before hooking a finger around them and slowly pulling my lacy purple bra away from my chest.

I wasn't scared or nervous as this point, I was on fire. The flames of desire licking up my body, the heat permeating from my skin mixed with Edwards as he lowered himself down and pressed his chest to mine.

My fingers were immediately wrapped around his neck again. Pulling and tugging him closer to my lips. I needed the contact, needed to feel his hot breath fan across my skin.

My nipples were brushing against his chest hair which immediately caused them to harden, it was a sensation I was desperate to feel over and over again and the urge to have him touch me there was overwhelming.

Edward slowly made a trail from my red, swollen lips down my neck and across my collarbone. When the cooler air of the room hit the moisture left over by those kisses I would shudder.

I could feel myself tensing up under Edward the closer he came to my exposed breasts. I wasn't sure what to expect or how I would react but when his lips finally wrapped around my stiff peaks there was no way to stifle the moan that left my parted lips.

Soft licks and slurps, tiny nips and long sucks were driving me to a peak I've never been to before as he switched breasts again and again. His actions only increased in speed and intensity and I wasn't sure how much more I could take but I knew I needed something else. Something that would push me over the edge to relieve me of this…pressure, the intensity that kept building up inside my stomach was nearly unbearable.

As if he could read my mind, Edward lowered his bottom half. The contact caused my legs to spread and Edward to groan.

I wrapped my legs around thighs around Edwards waist and he nestled in deeper. I could feel the hardness between his legs pressing against me and I couldn't believe that I, Isabella Swan, was able to make a man like Edward Cullen this aroused.

"Oh Bella, what you do to me." Edward whispered before switching breasts again.

"Edward…please." I begged not really knowing what exactly I was pleading for.

Suddenly Edward paused in his ministrations and pushed himself up on one arm.

Panting and looking deep into my eyes he said, "Bella, are you sure? We can stop, I don't want to push you any furth-"

I cut him off immediately know, no, needing him to continue touching me.

"Don't you dare Edward, don't say it. If I wanted you to stop I'd have pushed you away."

His eyes moved down my still panting and flushed form.

"God, Bella do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

And with those words I knew.

I wanted him.

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><p><strong>AN: Once again all the lemony goodness is thanks to JMac3 i set it up and she made it flow. ( more sexy times in the next chapter) **

**I'm unclear at this point on how many more chapters but i'm not one to drag something out so it wont be too long...we will see. posting schedule is obviously out the window RL all over the place lately so for that i'm sorry.**

**i believe i've responded to everyone that dropped a word unless you have your pm's off.**

**I have a twitter account (not sure how to go about it just yet but ..if anybody wants here it is robseve) **

**THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEW IF YOU MUST**


	24. Chapter 24

**Didn't Dream it. Don't Own it.**

**JMac3 is wonderful for getting this back to me hours after i sent it to her. you rock hard lady.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 24**

**EPOV**

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><p><em>The way you're looking at me with those big brown eyes and that soft flush covering your soft milky skin. <em>

_I'm scared, scared that I'll give you everything like I did to her __only to lose__ it again._

_The way you begged me ,"please"!_

_You have become so much in such a short amount of time._

_What __am__ I to do, when you whisper those words to me?_

_I wish…I wish I could return the sentiment, I wish I could look at you the way you look at me and be sure._

_Not only are you baring your body to me but also your soul._

_I took my time with you slowly easing into you and your tight, slick entrance. _

_I slowly thrust in and deep. Deeper than I have ever been with anybody because this between us is more than just sex and although you've told me more than once how you feel I keep myself from going there with you._

_You deserve it; I see that you mean it now._

_But as I've come to realize things end._

_Feelings change_

_But I like to remember how I slowly slip in and out of you._

_The moans that __escape__ your mouth, the reassuring caresses you gave me, the way your nails dig __into__ my back when I start thrusting faster._

_The way you told me "it's okay, I love you" when I was ready to freak out because I hurt you._

"_Edward I want this, stay with me in this moment, this right here right now is what I want forever."_

_You tell me the most beautiful words; you are doing what I should be doing because I'm the one with the experience._

_I'm the one acting like the virgin as you guide me to comfort._

_I'm lost in you, in the way your body is reacting to my every touch and every time I fill you. The way we stare into each other as your leg hitches a little __higher__ for more._

_Deeper I go as my mouth starts assaulting yours. Your __scent __is everywhere in this room, in my body in my heart._

_I want to tell you, explain how you've taken every broken piece of my heart and slowly placed each __piece __delicately back where it belongs._

_There is a point where all I want to do is slam myself hard and fast __into__ you. I just want to take you and claim you like no one has ever._

_Will never._

_I want you to know how much I'm actually holding back._

_I move my hand slowly down between us and start rubbing you slowly__.__ I can see the __buildup __in your eyes and in how your breathing hitched. How you sta__r__ted getting needier as we picked up our rhythm._

_Your body is new to this but I wouldn't know it the way we move together; the way our bodies know how to be in sync with each other._

_Your hands reach my hair once more as I'm working your body over and over to reach the most relaxing place._

_You pull me to you and kiss me._

_Your tongue is almost matching how slow my hand is working you._

_I get the urge to kiss you more… everywhere. _

_And I feel your chest __grazing__ mine with your harden__ed__ peaks as my fingers go faster and faster._

_I do this because there is no more time. I'm getting that feeling in the pit of my stomach, growing as I continue to thrust faster in and out of you._

_I look at you and I see you biting your bottom lip as we are reaching the point we have been working for._

_Your nails are back, digging and letting me know that your almost there just as I am._

_When you arch your back slightly__ it__ almost sets me off._

_The buildup is about to erupt and we both grunt and your still biting that lip and your eyes are closed, shut tight. _

_I'm mesmerized with you, the way you trust me to be here like this and you're t__o__o inexperience__d__ to fake it and I know I've done a good job as I __watch and feel__ you climax right before I do._

_Now you're sleeping your hand placed above my chest __as__ I intertwine our fingers. Your hand is much smaller than mine but we fit._

_You're __mumbling something in your sleep which makes you even more endearing._

_Knowing that I have to wake you up so you can go back to Em and Rose's house, I just want to lay like this a few more minutes longer. Bask in the moment we've just created. _

_My eyes are getting heavier and I see no problem in resting them just a little bit._

_I deserve this moment to last just a little bit longer as I close them and think about how beautiful this was._

"Daddy?"

"mmm"

"Daddy wake up."

"mmm"

"Daddy I'm hungry."

I can feel A.J poking my chest as he keeps repeating he's hungry.

I start to move when I realize that under the sheet I'm naked.

_Why the hell am I naked?_

The memory of last night comes flooding back into my mind.

_Oh shit Bella__!_

I sit up quickly and my eyes open up automatically as I rush through the excuses I can tell my son as to why the nanny is in bed with me.

When my eyes finally focus I see A.J standing on the side of the bed rubbing his eyes and impatiently telling me to get up and give him some food.

Without any questions I look over to find that I'm the only one in the bed.

I don't know if I'm grateful or disappointed in the fact that she is no longer here with me.

Oh, the way she looked and how her body moved. I remember how incredible it felt having her.

I tell A.J to go brush his teeth and meet me in the kitchen while I put on some clothes.

As I'm washing my face I can't help but look in the mirror and see how a smile slowly forms on just the thought of my girlfriend.

I need to call her, make sure she's okay. I know she kept reassuring me last night but I can't help but feel like she might be uncomfortable.

I rush to get A.J the cereal he's requested, and as he sits and eats I locate my phone and call her.

She doesn't pick up which is odd since she always gets it before the third ring.

Maybe she had plans today; she should have woken me up when she slipped out. I can't believe that I miss her already.

How pathetic do I sound?

The thought of her below me last night is intruding my mind and giving my other head a wakeup call.

Pushing all the good things aside at the moment I need to have a very difficult and adult conversation with my five year old son.

I go and sit next to him as he keeps eating his cereal.

I can't help but smile at how innocent he looks and here I am…about to turn his world upside down.

"Done!" A.J says as he places the bowl down after drinking the milk and wiping the milk mustache off his face with his arm.

Kids.

"A.J we need to talk about something important okay?" I ask him.

"Kay."

I take a deep breath and move in closer to him.

"Do you remember the man that was here yesterday? The one that –"

"You hit last time." He cuts me off.

"Yes, that man."

"Yeah."

"Okay, well he used to be good friends with your mommy."

"Is that why you hit him?"

This is more difficult that I imagined it to be.

"Daddy was wrong for hitting him A.J because he was your mommy's friend so I should have been nicer."

He just looks at me with those blue eyes that make me feel even shittier than I already do.

"Anyway, you know sometimes some kids have more than one daddy or more than one mommy?"

I don't know if this is going to make any sense to him. I need help; maybe I should have Rose help me explain this.

Now he's looking at me like I'm crazy.

"Why?" He asks

"Because they just do."

This is definitely not going as planned, I need help. I tell A.J that he should go and change while I get Aunt Rosalie here so we can continue our talk.

I'm doing this all wrong but how do you explain this adult situation to a child?

Before I make the call to Rose I try Bella one more time but the call goes directly to voice mail.

Maybe she regrets what happened?

I send her a text to let her know to call me.

No response either.

Giving up, I dial Rosalie's number.

I rush to tell her about my failed attempt to tell A.J and that I needed her help to explain it to him in a way that he will actually understand.

She seems a little distant but agrees to come over and help me with the talk but before we hang up she tells me rather cryptically, "Edward after the conversation with A.J …. I think you and I need to have one of our own."

She says nothing after that, leaving my confused, yet I think I might know what the conversation is about.

An hour later both she and Emmett arrive while A.J and I color in the living room. I'm curious, is he here for the talk with A.J or the talk with me?

When I looked up at them from the floor I saw disapproval written all over their face.

Fuck …. they know.

"Hey A.J!" They both greet my son.

The lack of acknowledgement is clear.

Great this weekend keeps getting better and better.

"Hey buddy come sit right here okay?" Rosalie motions him to the couch so he could sit right next to her.

Maybe it's the mother instinct or maybe it's because she is just smarter than I am, she starts off with how much everybody loves him. How everybody wants him to be happy and that he is a very lucky boy because not only does he have me as his daddy he's got another one that loves him just as much and wants to see him.

He has questions; I mean he is a five year old went don't they but Rosalie is quick with answers and reassures him that not only do we love him but he gets a sister out of the whole deal.

The distorted face he makes when she mentions a sister is funny but quickly he asks if maybe he could change her to a brother.

Rosalie chuckles and assures him that having a sister is good and that he should play with her and be nice when they meet.

"Now, A.J so do you think you want to meet your other daddy?" Rose asks him.

A.J nods his head.

"Wow two daddy's do I get another mommy?"

Rosalie didn't skip a beat "honey" she started out giving him a warm smile, "one day you will, when your dad starts looking for the right one."

"Daddy," A.J turns to me. "Can I choose Bella to be my next mommy?"

"Umm…" I was left a little dumbfounded by his request.

"Hey A.J, do you want to go play with Tommy and Robby over at my house? Grandma and Grandpa got here early this morning." Emmett asks him as Rosalie stands and tells him that they brought some things for him.

I wasn't even aware that my Aunt and Uncle were coming down this week.

_Shit_.

Rosalie takes A.J by the hand and starts walking through the kitchen so he could go through the back yard.

Emmett is eerily silent.

That is never good.

I finally get up from the floor and take a seat on the couch. Once Rosalie is back inside they both sit on the couch opposite me.

The look on Rosalie's face says it all.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"What are you talking about?" I reply.

"Don't pull the 'I don't know what the fuck you're talking about Rosalie' card because you know damn well what I'm talking about."

Glancing at Emmett he mirrors his wife's disapproval.

I thought we would be able to keep things under wrap for at least a few months not just two fucking weeks.

"What do you want me to tell you?"

Rosalie stands up and starts pacing

"Seriously Edward she is nineteen ….nineteen years old Edward, don't you think that's a bit young for you?"

"Are you telling me that because there is an obvious age gap we can't have feelings for each other, really?'

"That's not what I'm saying, but you do realize that she is in love with you right? I mean you can't be completely oblivious to it? It's obvious that she loves you. I mean I didn't see it and yesterday after the whole Whitlock situation I couldn't help but notice the way she looked at you and the way you two hugged. But after I caught her doing the walk of shame this morning it all made sense. You're going to break her heart."

Now she got me pissed.

"Ed, when I suggested you start dating I really didn't mean the closest female that is around you." Emmett tells me. "She's the one right? The one you've been hiding? Edward this isn't good she…she is so fragile."

"Do you think I planned this? That I seduced her …no I didn't it just happened! Our feelings for each other happened and I don't know how to describe them to you but if anybody is going to get hurt here it's me, not her. She is young as you pointed out and has her whole future ahead of her, I'm aware that she probably doesn't want to me tied down to an old man and his child. And yes to answer your question I'm well aware that she loves me but as we all know _that_ is not guaranteed to last. What about my broken heart? When she decides like Alice that I'm just not worth loving anymore?"

The room grew silent and I can feel my heart racing and the reality of my words crashing down on me.

"Oh, my god," Rosalie slowly mutters. "You're in love with her." she states.

Emmett looks shocked.

"Yes, I don't know when or how it happened but I do I love her. So, as much as I see your point being angry with me do you not see that the one that will end up hurt and losing will be me?"

"Why do you say that?" They both ask me.

"Because she is young and at that age when you fall in love you think that's it there will never be anybody else but as time passes you grow and you realize that you don't love them like you once thought you did. And in my case the age difference is significant. I've done my twenties but now it's her turn. I'll only hold her back from living her life. Don't you think I know that I'm setting myself up for heartbreak? The only difference this time is I know how things are going to end up."

"Don't think that." Rosalie tells me. "Emmett has been my one and only it does happen Edward."

"Does it? You two grew together. Bella deserves to better herself and to live her life since she didn't before, I'll only hold her back. I love her and it took me this morning to realize that I do. I think I even love her more than I loved Alice. I don't know how to explain it but it just is."

"I never thought that you would feel the same as she does."

I look at Rosalie and understanding is now set in her eyes.

"Neither did I, to be honest with you. I haven't even told her."

"Well this changes everything." Emmett comes over and drapes his big ass arm over my shoulders. "I thought you might just be using her for… you know….but seeing as you have good intentions I don't have to beat the shit out of you. Thank god 'cause I love you Edward and the last thing I wanted is to beat the shit out of my favorite cousin."

It's a good thing I won't be getting my ass beat because although I can hold my own, Emmett is one big mother fucker and he has always been able to put me in my place.

"Is this why she hasn't answered my phone calls?" I ask them.

"That might be it," Rosalie replies. "The blacks came to take her to brunch and so you know, they were asking a lot of questions when they were waiting for her."

"What kind of questions?"

"The ones that make me believe I wasn't the only one that saw the weird exchange yesterday with you two and the little PDA display."

This is going to be interesting.

"Look Edward I know your both adults but this is a very sensitive time and situation so I think it's a good idea that we all sit there and have an honest discussion regarding you two."

Not having much of a choice I agree and as soon as Bella is back we can have this 'conversation'. I feel like we both are teenagers being scolded by our parents.

They take off and I let myself fall onto the couch and relax from what's been a very exhausting morning.

Closing my eyes, I feel sleep taking over but right before I slip under and surrender to my exhaustion I hear my door bell chime.

With not much energy, I get up and walk over to the front door and look out the peep hole to see my beautiful Bella standing there with Mr. and Mrs. Black.

Great this day is just never going to end.

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry for the wait on this one life got a little crazy there but i'm trying to get back to scheduling some writing time in between the craziness.**

**Thank you for reading and review if you must.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Didn't Dream it Don't Own It.**

**JMac3 thank you, thank you, thank you. (word's fail me you just rock for helping me out.)**

**A/N : JMac brought something to my attention the lack of mention of "protection" from E/B. Let's just assume that Edward had condoms around because Emmett gave them to him ….just in case he ever decided to get a booty call.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 25**

**BPOV**

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><p>Eighteen years.<p>

I spent eighteen years of my life isolated, caring for myself since Renee wasn't much of a parent. Looking back on my life, I can only think of a handful of times, up until I met the Blacks of course, that anyone would notice anything I did or said. Until the Blacks moved next door to my mother and no one really seemed to care about me or what I did.

I appreciate how the people who have come into my life worry and want what's best for me. I'm thankful that I was able to find that outside my "family". But this is becoming ridiculous! All of them, from Rosalie and Emmett to Mr. and Mrs. Black are making me feel like a child.

They don't realize that by questioning my decision of being with Edward they are questioning my intelligence.

"Bella we just want what's best for you. This _thing_ you have going on with _this_ man is not what I would call appropriate." Mrs. Black told me concernedly as she patted my hand that was resting on top of the table. "it's just that he is so much older than you, I don't want to tell you what you can and cannot do but have you thought that he is not as invested as you clearly are?"

I've never gotten mad or even annoyed with the Blacks before but this is trying my patience with them.

I knew that the exchange we had yesterday was witnessed by many and I had a slight suspicion that it was more than obvious that something was going on. So, when the Blacks gave me the pointed look yesterday when they were leaving, I knew that there was going to be questions.

"Bella, look we know we are not your parents but after so many years we feel like we need to protect you and look over you because let's face it, besides your mother we are all you have. And I know you've been expressing yourself on how wonderful the McCarthy's have been but I don't know if I feel the same appreciation for Mr. Cullen." Mr. Black told me sternly as I sat quietly taking in all the scolding for the second time this morning.

_Waking up in his arms was the best feeling. _

_Although my body ached in a good way and I was more than comfortable staying there with him I knew I had to get up and leave. I slowly got up and sat down grabbing the sheets to cover my exposed body._

_I looked back to see Edwards bare chest lifting and falling as he slept. All I wanted to do was kiss him everywhere and thank him for making me the happiest I had ever been._

_It took me a few __moments __to locate my pajamas and underwear, __my bra… who knows__ where it was, probably underneath him. __I didn't want to wake him because I knew if I did, I wouldn't care that I was still sore , I'd definitely allow him to take me again. _

_I grabbed my slippers and__ made my way downstairs to see the morning light seeping through the windows. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was seven a.m._

_Well, thank goodness it's__ Sunday and that no one gets up before nine on the weekend._

_Once I stepped foot outside I noticed a car in the McCarthy's drive way._

_Oh no._

_It was of Emmett's parents._

_I don't remember them mentioning anything._

_I wonder what time they arrived…this is not good._

_Not good at all._

_Deciding to go through the back yard just in case, I figured if anyone was in the kitchen I could just tell them I heard something or needed air._

_I'm not the best liar so…I don't think that is going to be believable much._

_As quietly as I could manage, I slipped in the sliding door and gently closed it. I was just about to turn the knob of my door off the kitchen when I heard someone clear their throat. I immediately slumped my shoulders. Busted! _

_Taking a deep breath, I spun around to meet the eyes of none other than Rosalie. _

_Well…crap!_

"_Bella, come over here and join me won't you?" _

_I take a quick moment to process the situation. In a way, I'm oddly relieved it's Rose that greeted me and not Mrs. Cullen, Emmett's mother. _

_As I slowly make my way towards the kitchen table and pull a chair out. I cringe at the scraping sound it makes against the floor and feel __ even guiltier for disrespecting her home._

"_So, guess what happened today?" She asked calmly, no sign of anger in her voice. "My in laws decided to surprise us this morning at six with their arrival. My surprise even more so than Esme and Carlisle arriving today was when I came to ask you where the __spare __key to the guest bedroom was because somehow the door was locked and when I came down here to look for them I didn't locate them in the usual place they are at."_

_My hands couldn't stop fidgeting and my leg started __bouncing__ as she __continued__ with her story._

"_Not wanting to disturb you but needing to get them in the room because they wanted to freshen up I went and knocked at your door. Here comes the second surprise of the day…you weren't in there! Now, that's fine I just assumed you got up early and went somewhere after all it is your day off and you have a life as well. But what I wasn't expecting was you walking out of Edward's house."_

_I could feel my face burning up and my eyes watering._

_Rosalie kept her voice soft and calm but I knew better, when I looked up and met her gaze sadness was what I saw._

_But why?_

"_Bella, I need you to be completely honest with me okay?"_

"_Okay." I replied with a shaky voice._

"_I've known for a while that you might have a crush on Edward. I mean women know these things, but I have to say I really thought Edward was oblivious to it until yesterday when you two had that weird exchange that no employer/employee should have out in the front yard."_

"_I can explain." I offered._

"_I'm sure you can." She reached across the table and placed her hand on top of my fidgeting ones. "Calm down, you're not in trouble, if anything he is the one that's going to hear it."_

_What? Edward and I are in this together, I don't want them thinking that this is all him because it's not._

"_Rosalie, I'm sorry….but this isn't his fault. I'm the one that-"_

_I couldn't finish because at that moment Esme walked in._

_In barely a whisper Rosalie mumbled, "we'll continue this discussion later."_

After a quick 'hello' with Mrs. Cullen I rushed to my room and showered. I didn't realie just how tender the area between my thighs would feel after the night Edward and I just had. I washed gently and took some Tylenol after bathing.

I didn't have much chance to untangle the mess of hair on my head before the front door rang. Figuring it was most likely the Blacks I rushed down with brush in hand and answered the door.

After greetings, it seemed the Blacks wanted to take over where Rosalie had left off. I found myself sitting in the living room across from two concerned looking individuals.

I'm not being rude, I sit quietly and maintain eye contact with the Blacks as they prattle on about my safety and future and blah blah blah. I can't help that my thoughts keep drifting back to what happened the night before. How Edward held me tightly to me as he thrust inside me. How he groaned throughout his release. The affectionate way he assured me when I noticed the smattering of blood on his bed sheets when I hear…

"…and Bella, that's why we think you should come back with us to Arizona. As we told you, your mothe-"

"Excuse me?" I cut him off "Go back to Arizona...What for?"

"Honey please don't ….don't get upset with us we just want whats best for you, it's just an option for you. I mean, if you don't want to go back to living with your mother you're more than welcomed to stay with us." Mrs. Black offered.

This is not what was supposed to happen after the best night of my life. I was supposed to be thinking about how wonderful it was to have Edward. Not how I will go back to a futureless life in Arizona.

_Why doesn't anyone understand?_

"I can't begin to tell you how much I love you both but I _do not_ plan on going back to Arizona. I like it here I have created a life here. Can't you see that? Arizona is just not an option for me, I'm sorry. "

Both Mr. and Mrs. Black exchanged a look and told me that they would feel a lot better if they had a proper conversation with Edward.

If my age didn't scare him off I was convinced that the medaling of everybody around us would.

Standing in front of his door, I hesitated before I finally rang the doorbell.

I wondered how mad he would be with me for doing this to him.

The seconds it took for him to answer the door seemed forever. I already started to feel anxious and my hands started to sweat.

_This is not how I should be feeling today._

The door slowly opened and there he stood in all his beautiful glory.

I need to stop but just looking at him with his jeans and that v neck sweater was doing things to me.

Besides losing my virginity I've obviously lost my mind as well.

"Bella, Mr. and Mrs. Black "Edward greeted us.

I gave him a small wave and mouthed 'I'm sorry' as he gestured us to enter.

"Is there anything I could get you, a drink maybe? Please sit" Edward said as we reach his living room.

I can't help but look up the staircase when we passed in front of them and wish that we were still in our little world of last night.

"Were actually good thank you. You must be wondering why we're here?" Mr. Black asks Edward as he took a seat next to his wife on the couch.

I feel like I'm about to throw up.

At that moment Edward house phones rings and he's excusing himself as he goes to answer it. He walks out of the room and to the kitchen. I just hear "let's get it over with" and he is suddenly walking back in to the living room.

I try to read his face but he's giving nothing away on how he is feeling.

"Sorry about that, it was my cousin there actually on their way over. I might have an idea on why you are here so I just want to have this conversation once with everybody." He says sounding a little tired.

Oh, gosh he probably is tired of me and making this whole thing too much for him. I mean he already has enough to deal with and I'm adding this unnecessary drama.

It seems like Rose and Emmett where standing outside because next thing I know they have already come in the house.

Giving greetings all around the room becomes uncomfortable, silent and everybody is just looking around person to person.

This is so stupid I want to say something since nobody else is going to.

I feel like this is my fault entirely.

The only one standing at this point is Edward and he clears his throat as if he is about to speak.

"I'm not one to beat around the bush so let's just get started with the questions or concerns anyone here might have." He asks the mini audience sitting in front of him.

Mr. Black is the first one to speak up. "I wasn't aware that your relationship was so out in the open?" He asks glancing at Emmett and Rosalie.

"We just figured it out today." Rosalie replies.

"Well I'm assuming you might have the same concerns as us."

Before she replies Edward cuts in. "Okay, I just want to get one thing clear, this…" he says waving his hand around the living room where people are sitting. "This is for your benefit not mine. The only reason I'm allowing anybody to have an opinion on our relationship is because I can see where some of you if not all of you might be worried but besides our age difference we are both adults."

"I understand that, but we have known Bella since she was eight years old, and in that time span we have come to love her as if she was our own. So, Mr. Cullen you can't blame us for being a bit worried about your intentions towards her."

"Jake, Vanessa," Rosalie speaks up. "I had the same worries when I found out, not because I think Edward would do something intentional to hurt Bella because that is not the case and that is not the part that had me questioning their relationship. It's just; you're dealing with a lot right now Edward." She says to him.

"I'm assuming the events that happened yesterday are the _other things _you're dealing with, Edward?" Mr. Black chimed in. "But let's focus now on the age difference which you must admit is rather significant. I find it hard to believe that the both of you are on the same page regarding life and the goals you have, am I correct for assuming this?"

I felt like a child listening to the adults have a conversation about _my_ life and what I should do with it. Regardless of my age I think I have a pretty good head on my shoulders for crying out loud.

And being an adult was taking responsibility of your life and right now everybody was having a say on it but me.

I wasn't going to let anybody dictate my life but I needed to step in and speak up for myself. Swallowing the nerves down I stood up and I could feel all eyes on me. It was time for me to confront these wonderful people who have done so much for me but they needed to know that they were crossing a line.

Taking a deep breath and making eye contact with Edward, I spoke.

"I just want to say that I appreciate everything that everyone in this room has done for me. Mr. and Mrs. Black, for being my parents the last nine years. Rosalie and Emmett, for taking a chance on me and allowing me to not only take care of your children but for welcoming me into your home. You have no idea how much I thank God everyday for having you in my life. With that said I want to address this issue and be done with it. "

I can hardly believe how sure I sound.

"I know that I just turned nineteen and all of you see me as some poor defenseless, naive young woman but I stopped being that girl a long time ago. Believe me the first person to not only point out the age difference was Edward but he also reminded me that the A.J situation is and will be his priority right now and I'm the one that had to convince him that I was all in. I know all of you want to look at this and assume he is the one that told me that we should try this but it was me. I don't regret this and he knows how I feel about us. Although I'm not ashamed of saying it, we weren't ready to tell anyone because it just happened but that doesn't mean we weren't planning to share this with all of you. "

When I finished speaking I scanned the room to gauge everyone's reaction to my little speech. The Blacks still looked worried but that's understandable. Emmett gave me a genuine smile and Rosalie looked proud of me but the only reaction I was really invested in was that of Edwards.

I know he hasn't told me but I can see it and I can feel it.

I gave Edward a gentle smile before I continued.

"And I have to say that the questioning of our relationship has hurt my feelings because I know I can be shy and hold back on a lot things but it doesn't mean my intelligence should be questioned."

"Oh, Bella," Rosalie and Mrs. Black both spoke up and walked over to me.

"Honey, we didn't mean to make you feel like we think you don't know what you're doing. It's just, I worried that you've invested in someone and he being older than you just had us worried." Mrs. Black said as she hugged me.

"Bella, same goes for me. Really It was never about thinking that you don't have a good head on your shoulders or that you don't know what you're doing its just I know the situation that's developing right now with A.J and I was worried that you might get hurt. But never did I once think that you weren't smart enough to handle it. I just don't want anyone getting hurt." Rosalie assured me, but it didn't stop from me feeling like they all were questioning my intelligence.

There was really nothing else anyone could say. I mean all worries were spoken of and everyone said their peace, I was ready to move on and forget this intrusion.

A few more words were exchanged but I was in a haze from processing the whole thing. It had been a long day and all I wanted to do is rest next to Edward.

I want him.

Giving the Blacks a hug and a 'thank you' for worrying about me, they told me they had decided they would be around for a few more days and would like to have dinner with both of us.

I guess it's a start.

With a wave they were out the door and I could see Edward working on Rosalie and Emmett to leave.

"I don't want to kick you out but I do want to have a private conversation with Bella if you two don't mind."

He tried to sound serious but just looking at him I knew that the last thing he wanted to do was have a conversation.

"We're out," announces Emmett. "We'll keep A.J for a few hours if you want, you know… so you both can have a long conversation on what just happened." He says with amusement.

Queue my instant blush.

"Cullen, no funny business." Rosalie warns him.

I just wanted them to leave already.

I stayed in the living room as Edward walks them to the back door and I can hear when he closes it. The anticipation of seeing him alone since everything happened between us has my nerves on edge.

I just want to kiss him.

As soon as he walks in my legs have a mind of their own and rush to him, practically jumping into his arms. He holds onto me, lifting me up and my legs automatically wrap around him.

_Oh god!_

"I missed you, "he tells me in between our frantic kissing. "God I just want to make love to you."

Wow…

I think my eyes go wide before I have time to properly react.

"But I won't, I know you must be sore so it will just have to wait.'

_Damn._

"We could do other things though."

He looks at me, shocked, and the smirk is back on his face.

"Yes I suppose we can."

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><p><strong>AN: I replied to most of you I think I missed a few but I have read all and thank you as well.**

**Thank you for reading and review if you must.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Didn't dream it Don't own it.**

**JMac3 as always thank you for your time and everything you do.**

**Sorry for the wait.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 26**

**EPOV**

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><p>The first winter storm hit with snow covering the city. The holiday season officially began and it felt strange. Last year, I checked out completely since Alice's death was only a month before Thanksgiving.<p>

I vaguely remember sitting around a table that pretended to be thankful that we had each other. I was so lost and alone. The depression of the loss leaked into Christmas and my drinking became somewhat of a problem.

The smoking picked up and the depression consumed me. If someone would have told me that all those feelings I had would be washed away a year later I would have laughed and probably punched them in the face for even insinuating anything of the sort.

Of course my life has gotten better and worse in the course of a year.

Thanksgiving isn't going to be this painful sit down with everybody looking at me as if at any minute I was going to have a breakdown.

This Thanksgiving is going to be different with Bella here.

I still can't believe we have maintained our relationship. Nobody is questioning it, well those who know of course.

Mr. and Mrs. Black aren't jumping up and down with joy at us but they have come to respect Bella's decision to be with me.

After the enlightening conversation we all had regarding our relationship we ended up going to dinner a couple of days later. Jacob didn't give me the third degree but concern was still evident in his dark features. Vanessa was more welcoming and assuring me that she trusted me to keep Bella safe and not hurt her.

I would never, I wanted to tell her. They don't realize that the only one that can get hurt is me.

A few days after their departure, I know that Bella phoned her mother. It seems that they are working on having a healthier relationship but Bella doesn't really open up about what they talk about. It's still every other week but I'm glad that she seems happier.

I can't help but think; maybe I have something to do with the smile she walks around with.

As much as I missed the cold I find myself longing for the hot summer nights that would have Bella wearing her flimsy pj's.

The perv in me is stlll alive and well.

It's been difficult to control the urge every time I see her to not throw her on my bed and have my way with her.

Barbaric, probably but she has this quiet fierceness that drives my fucking crazy. How we keep our hands off each other is startling but Rosalie has become my official cock blocker.

Right now I just need her; I just want her to reassure me that everything will be okay, that the meeting with the judge will be better than last weeks.

Court has become part of my weekly routine, if it's not postponements because of something or other. Whitlock's request keeps getting more annoying and every time we come to some type of agreement he wants to change something.

But with this last development I had this afternoon I don't know what to think or do.

"Edward," I hear Bella call out to me as she comes into the house. I've been so lost in my head today I didn't realize the time.

"Daddy!" A.J comes rushing in and jumping in my arms as he is trying to show me whatever art project he worked on today in school. "Look, it's a turkey." He tells me as I try to adjust the beanie on his head.

It's so cold outside that his nose is red and his cheeks are flushed as well. I give him my undivided attention as he explains all the things he did today. Once he is done with the good things and bad things he experienced he is off to his room.

I turn my attention to Bella who is sitting on the couch patiently waiting for me to be done with A.J.

"Hey."

"Hey," she replies with that sweet smile and the light in her eyes.

She stands and we meet half way and I wrap my arms around her.

"How was your day?" She asks me as she tightens herself even closer to me. Her scent is overwhelmingly soothing to me. I just want to bury my face in her neck and let it get better.

"Better now, with you and A.J here." I answer her honestly.

"I feel the same way. The day kind of drags when I'm not with you, it sucks."

She makes me chuckle.

Reluctantly I pull away from her just enough to get a good look at her face again. We lean into each other and rest our foreheads together.

"What's going on Edward?" Concern is shadowed in the way she asks and looks at me.

I close my eyes and wish I was better at hiding my emotions with her but she can read me better than anybody. In the short amount of time we have been _together_ she just knows when something is going on.

"Mrs. Maria Whitlock stopped by at the shop today."

Bella pulls away and I can see the many questions flashing in her mind.

"What did Whitlock send her or something?"

I take a deep breath and motion to the couch because this is just so …frustrating.

"No, I don't think he even knows that she came actually- correct that he doesn't know she came by."

"What …what did she want?"

"That's the thing, she really should be talking to him not me."

When Jessica informed me that someone was waiting for me, I just thought it was a client. I left the work I was doing on Mrs. Randall's car and found an attractive woman standing by Jessica's desk.

"_Hello, I'm Edward Cullen may I help you?" I asked as she looked up to see me._

_She was good looking black hair that complimented her __lighter__ shade of brown eyes._

"_Mr. Cullen I am Maria Whitlock. I was wondering if you had a few minutes so we could talk." There was a slight accent. _

_To say I was shocked is putting it mildly but the way things have been going I shouldn't have been surprised at all._

_I motion her to follow me and ask Jessica to not disturb me unless it's an emergency. Once we entered my office I offer her something to drink but she declines stating she was okay._

_As we both sat down across __from__ each other with only my desk separating us I couldn't help but notice the way she observed every picture decorating said desk._

_I had a few on there. One of my parents with my aunt and uncle, the one with Em, Rose and the twins and my favorite one… the one with A.J sitting on my lap and __Bella by my side__ that we took just a few weeks ago. His smile is big and innocent._

_As she stared at the photos, I couldn't help but feel overprotective__. I reach out and turn__ed __the picture more towards me. _

_Out of sight._

"_So, I must say I'm a little intrigued by your visit. Did your husband send you?"_

_I try to come off as indifferent but I could hear my annoyance as the words came out of my mouth._

"_No, actually," she started stammering a bit. She seemed a bit nervous like a child that did something wrong. "He doesn't know I am here."_

_Well that's interesting I thought to myself._

"_Okay?"_

"_Mr. Cullen I really needed to talk to you seeing that we are the ones that got the bad end of the deal in our spouse's indiscretion."_

"_What? You want to talk about how my deceased wife and your husband lied and cheated on us__?__ No, thank yo__u,__ I've dwelled on that for the first month of the discovery I'm trying to keep myself functional."_

"_No, I mean I understand that well …how…how are you doing it?"_

_I'm a __bit__ confused __as __to what she is asking me._

"_How am I doing what exactly?"_

"_How are you fighting for a child that is not yours? How are you so devoted and loving to him when he is the outcome of lies and deceit?"_

"_I love him because regardless of how he came about he is the one that has kept me going. He is the most important person in my life. And I don't care if he came from two people who didn't know how to handle a situation I have been there since day one. If you're here to ask me how I'm able to do it and you're not that is something you have to deal with__ and__ something you should be speaking to your husband about."_

_This has been one of the fears I've had, the fact that this woman would not accept him._

_Do I blame her?_

_No, I understand her completely but it's not A.J's fault. __Will she only see__ the sin he came from__?_

"_I didn't mean to upset you. It's just you are me in this story and I just want to understand how you could look beyond it and still find it in yourself to want him? I don't know if I'm capable of separating him from her."_

"_From them__,__" I correct her. "__L__ook, I get where you're coming from but if this is your way of letting me know that my son will be treated less than because of who his parents are I will have to bring this up in the court because I will not stand for him feeling unwelcomed anywhere."_

"_I would never be malicious towards a child Mr. Cullen. Being a mother, I would never be cruel it's just… you misunderstand me I just don't know how to feel ….I tried talking to Jasper but he doesn't understand he just expects me to be okay with it but I need time."_

_I had the urge to check outside my business and make sure it stated Auto shop instead of shrink because this shit was bizarre._

"_I really feel this is something that needs to be between your husband and yourself. I can't help you. I love A.J because until a few months ago I thought he was my son by blood but, I love him so much that I don't care if he isn't mine by blood but he is mine by my heart."_

_I really don't know what she was looking for maybe just a kindred spirit because we are the ones that got the shit end of it but all this did was confirm my worry regarding a stable and happy home for him when he is not with me._

Bella kept quiet and didn't ask anything as I finished the conversation I had with Mrs. Whitlock.

"Wow," was all she was capable of expressing as I ended it.

"I know, I called Jenks and informed him of this. I don't know if it helps that she is uncomfortable but if it helps with less time spent over there I don't care.

Bella has slowly moved in closer to me and her hand is slowly playing with my hair. I can feel her finger tips brush my earlobe and I can't help but close my eyes and wish that we were alone so I could kiss her.

We haven't explained to A.J about us. I just don't want to overwhelm him with another announcement.

Just in case things don't work out as I wish they would.

In our little bubble my phone rings and I pick it up, its Emmett asking if A.J wanted to go out and play in the front yard with them.

"I'm going to build them a snow man and we may or may not have an epic snow fight. Plus I think you might need some alone time with Bella."

Oh, Emmett. While Rosalie cock blocks he makes it easy sometimes.

I guess Bella overheard Emmett's request to have A.J joining them outside because she jumped up the couch and walked over to the staircase and asking him to come down because his cousins wanted to play with him outside.

Like a flash he was downstairs looking around for his jacket he tossed aside as soon as he came in the house. I could hear the twins and Em already outside.

Bella opened the door and waved to the boys as she closed the door. Soon as I see her lock it I'm over there cradling her face in my hands and bringing our desperate mouths together. The way her tongue slowly enters me I feel like she makes the dullest of days the best.

We haven't had sex in a week and although I have gone longer without it, with her it's so much more. The want and need is overpowering and I just want to slam into her hard and fast and give her everything in me that I can.

No words are exchanged but grunts and desperations are seeping through both of us. We make our way up the stairs and into my bedroom.

Closing the door I turn to find her already pulling down her pants and her shirt already tossed over on to the floor. She has a nice matching set of bra and panties that make me want to just rip them off her.

She slowly sits down on the bed tilts her head and raises her eyebrows as in letting me know that it was my turn.

Even faster than her, I was in just my boxers.

Bella leans back and I hover over her as I slowly and start kissing her neck. I can feel her breathing start to speed up and I know that she is ready for anything.

Scooting her up the bed I settle in between her legs and can't help but run my fingertips down her torso past her stomach and right on her heat.

Through her thin silky panties I start rubbing her slowly as I nuzzle in between her breasts. My tongue peeks out just a little to taste her skin.

I move down as I keep on kissing her exposed flesh.

Down

Down

Down

To where her panties start and I drag them down her soft legs and discard them.

She's become more at ease with me looking at her in this state of want and need but I still remember the way she covered her face with both her hands when I went down on her.

Her legs would want to close but as my head was between them I held them apart as I ran my tongue in between her folds. Her scent was distinctive and addicting. I remember paying a lot of attention to her clit as a worked it with my mouth.

With the thought of that I felt the need to taste her again. I remember how she clung to the sheets as she released the orgasm I gave her, but refused to kiss me. She found it weird and gross. It was anything but.

"Edward," calling me back to the now I look up to find her hooded eyes as she slips the bra off her chest. "I need you."

That's all she had to say for me to work my way back up to her pink, pouty delicious mouth. I stopped twice to give attention to her harden nipples and enjoyed the way she arched her back as I sucked on one while my hand fondled the other.

No need to stop and put on a condom. Thank god for the shot.

It's going to be the first time that we are able to go without one.

I feel her tiny hands on the edge of my boxers as she slips her fingers in and drags them down over my ass.

Her skin and my skin make the most needed heat in the middle of this storm. I stop what I'm doing to her breast to help her pull my underwear all the way off.

And here we are skin to skin kissing as my dick is more than ready to get wet.

I would do the whole foreplay thing but not today, any other time I take my time slipping my fingers in and out getting her ready but it's been a week and I just can't. I have made love to her but right now I just want to fuck her.

The way she is kissing me back and pulling my lower lip with her teeth just makes me realize that we are on the same page.

Grabbing her knee and moving it up as I slam in to her.

"Uh!"

Her hands are on my hair right where it meets my neck. I can't pull my eyes away from her mouth, the way she bites down on her lower lip as I thrust in and out of her

In a moment of pure lust I want her to ride me. It's been standard for us, me on top but as much as she lets me know she enjoys it I want her to realize it could be so much better.

"I want you on top." I mutter as I continue our ministrations.

"No…this…" thrust "is fine…" thrust.

"Next time I'm fucking you against the wall."

No response but a moan and I quicken my pace as we both are ready …more than ready for the release.

I feel her tighten around me and her fingers dig into my back as she calls out my name, pulling me to her as she kisses me hard and we both reach the top at exactly the same time.

"Oh, god Edward that was….that was..."

"I know, " I say as we both are slightly panting and I slip from her and have her cuddle next to me.

I don't push anymore small talk knowing she usually falls asleep soon after. It's cute the way she talks and mumbles in her sleep, how she dreams about me and repeats how she feels.

I yet to tell her I love her. Its fear more than anything but right now we seem to be okay. She knows I care. I'm not ready to tell her just yet.

I hear a phone vibrating against the night stand and it's hers. I reach out to grab it just in case it's Rose but as I take a look at the screen all I see is a name.

Charles.

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><p><strong>AN: I didn't have my laptop for two weeks sorry for the wait I'm trying to get the last chapters started I think 5 ish…as of right now are left but that number could change.**

**I didn't reply on the reviews but I have read all and I want to thank you and I appreciate every word.**

**THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEW IF YOU MUST.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Didn't Dream it Don't Own it.**

**JMac3 once again thank you for taking time out of your life and help me out with this story and if I can prevent you from hitting up the attic than I don't feel too bad.**

**Sorry again for the wait.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 27**

**BPOV**

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><p>I awoke from the best sleep I'd had in well over a week. I felt my body tense and relax as I stretched my arms over my head. It took me a few moments to realize that the room was dark and that I was naked under the blanket.<p>

OH, my god!

Why didn't he wake me?

He always does! Rosalie is going to kill me then fire me then kill me again!

_Shoot._

I blinked my eyes a few times and realized that it was pitch dark outside. I stretch over to the lamp on the side table, closing my eyes as the light was too bright for my sleeping eyes.

I'm more than confused that Edward didn't wake me. I mean he usually lets me nap but it doesn't occur to me that he might of past out as well.

That doesn't make the situation any better. Blinking my sleepy haze away I sit upright and start feeling the mattress next to me but the sheets are cold.

I stumble out of bed looking around for my clothes that I find neatly folded on the chair he has next to the bathroom door with my phone on top.

That's odd, I thought I had placed the phone on the night table as I quickly took my clothes off?

I sound like a hussy.

The way that man makes me feel every time he touches me, looks at me, or kisses me makes me want to jump up and down and thank my lucky stars that I ever moved here.

Once I'm put together I slowly open the bedroom door and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I don't know why I'm so nervous.

Yes, I do, I'm afraid that the whole family is downstairs and I have to do the 'walk of shame'…again. I haven't had that experience since the first time. I made sure that it would never happen again.

It's been tricky maintaining our physical relationship discreet especially around Rosalie and Emmett, I know that we've discussed our relationship but I still get embarrassed that they know what we're doing.

Stepping out of the bedroom I find myself taking one step at a time as if I'm breaking in to a stranger's house. I don't hear anything everything, all is quiet; no TV, no music, no A.J.

_Strange._

I have the urge to call out to Edward but I refrain.

Reaching the stairs I continue what I consider a stealthy walk down them.

There is a dim light that helps with the descending. Reaching the bottom and stepping on to the floor I turn to face the living room and find Edward sitting on the couch. The dim light was the fire currently on in the fireplace.

I don't think he heard me and is sitting there almost in a trance. I want to speak up but it feels like I'm interrupting his moment.

Walking towards him I make my way to the other side of the couch so I'm able to sit next to him. There is a drink in his hand and as he pulls it up to his mouth he realizes that I'm actually there.

There is a sadness shadowing his features, I don't like it. I don't like seeing him down. I wonder if it has to do with the whole Maria Whitlock conversation he told me about earlier.

"Edward?" I sound cautious as his name slips my mouth.

His eyes are the only thing to move and acknowledge me.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I ask, as I sit next to him. I can't help but notice his posture stiffen as I do.

"Is…is everything okay?" I want to stop talking but the silence is a bit unsettling.

"Bella," he finally speaks as he swallows the sip of whatever he's drinking. "Are you happy?"

I'm a bit taken back from his question but I can't help but smile at him. "Of course, I've never been so happy. I mean…once the whole A.J thing gets ironed out in your favor it will make this the best time of my life so far."

My smile fades as I see no reaction to my answer from him.

"Edward is there something going on? Did Jenks call you regarding A.J? Oh my, where is he I have to call Rose bef-"

I didn't mean to go off on my own little ramble but I forgot completely that it's late.

"A.J is sleeping over with the twins. I told Rose that we had a few things to talk about."

The tone of voice scares me a little, I start getting this feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Was that like break up sex?

I don't want to jump to conclusions but something about his demeanor is cold towards me.

Before he is able to go on, the question is out "Are you happy? I mean I know the whole A.J thing is stressful but you've been so upbeat about it. Are you happy with me?"'

Finally his whole head turns to look at me. I feel like a fool as my eyes start to water I'm trying to hold back the tears threating to give me away.

"Bella, I just want you to be honest with me."

"Edward, I am! I'm so happy with you, with A.J. Your whole family is just amazing." I find myself scooting over right next to him and taking his free hand. "Your scaring me Edward are you…breaking up with me?"

My voice cracks and I can feel the water works sliding down my face.

I try to think back to what I missed, I thought that we were good.

Solid.

I know that I've told him I love him maybe that's what it was, he got tired of hearing it? The fact that he never told me wasn't an issue, I assumed that he just needed time but I didn't once question his feelings for me.

Maybe he's just realizing that I'm not worth it, the age difference has finally become annoying to him dealing with everyone putting in their two cents regarding us.

Just when I thought that all aspects of my life where coming together.

My mom and I working on a relationship much different from what I grew up with. Rehab has helped her finding another job since being alone for the first time.

Our biweekly conversations are full of genuine interest from both of our lives. So much so that she told me about my father amd how she ran out on him. How she made him believe that I wasn't his. I was so angry at her when she came clean over that detail. She justified it because she wanted me all to herself. The irony in that is that I raised myself.

Last month she surprised me. I mean_ really_ shocked me when she told me about my father.

"_I shouldn't be surprised on the fact that his telephone number is still the same." My mom said as she went on about talking to Charles Swan._

"_I'm trying to show you Bella that I really want us to work this out and I know that I shouldn't have done that to either of you because regardless of how much I didn't see myself with him anymore it didn't mean that you deserved to not know him."_

"_Have you talked to him?"_

"_Yes, he was taken back from my phone call but I apologized for doing that to both of you. He wants to meet you honey. "_

_I didn't know what to do or how to act I mean my whole life she only told me how he left us but in reality she is the one that ran out on him and told him I wasn't his. I was angry with her and I couldn't understand why she would hurt someone that apparently loved her so much._

_As much as I wanted to yell and be angry with her I didn't want to take two steps back. She was trying so so hard to make this work between us so I had to acknowledge it._

With my permission, my mother gave Charles Swan my phone number and we started off by texting each other. I think we both were a little nervous so that went on for about a week before I had the guts to actually call him.

I haven't told Edward because I didn't want to side track him. I would see how the whole thing with A.J was going and this thing with my father was a little too close to home.

In the last month I managed to talk to Charles a few times a week. I'm trying to build some type of familiarity with him before I meet him face to face. I want to tell Edward and have him accompany me to actually meet him but after the custody situation is settled.

_Why wasn't he answering me? _

I start full on sobbing like I'd been left at the alter but I feel his warm embrace pull me onto his lap.

"Bella, I…" he is hesitating as I continue to cry. "Don't cry please." He sounds sincere.

"Just tell me Edward what I did wrong?"

"Bella look at me!" He grabs my chin and tilts it up so I meet his eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you that the only one that could end up broken here is me?"

"You think I would break you? That I could hurt you? I would never. I love you."

I should just stop telling him that.

For the first time since I've come down there is that smile that makes it all worth it slowly spreading across his face.

"I'm sorry Bella I'm insecure and I freaked out. Your phone rang when you were sleeping so I picked it up to see if it was Rose and I saw a man's name on the caller id. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and now I feel for not just asking you about it."

A man's name the only person that would call that he doesn't know would be…

"Charles." I say out loud as I realized that he thought that maybe I was cheating.

"Yeah"

"Edward," I can't help but be a little annoyed yet relieved that this is what has him acting strangely. "That's my father."

Looking straight at his green eyes I see his worry turn into confusion.

Yeah welcome to the club buddy.

"Your father?" he asks.

"Yes, as in the one that got my mother pregnant, the reason I'm alive."

I don't want to come off having an attitude but I can't help it. I would laugh if I wasn't so offended at the fact that he thought I would cheat on him.

Getting off his lap I feel like I need space so I sit down on the other end of the couch as he is still processing the information.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"The better question is why your assuming that I'm cheating? I'm. Not. Her."

"I know that."

"Do you? Because your behavior says otherwise, just five minutes ago you were someone that automatically jumped to the wrong conclusion."

"I'm sorry I've had a stressful day, no scratch that I've had a stressful few months, and I know it's not fair to you."

"Edward, if something is bothering you I wish you'd just tell me instead of keeping it bottled up. Let me be here for you and A.J, okay? I'm also to blame for not being more forthcoming about my father. I just didn't want to add more stress. "

We both stayed silent for a few seconds. I wanted to be mad and leave and not deal with his distrust but when we jumped into this he told me there were going to be days that would be more difficult than others. I guess this would be one of those days.

In the three months we've been an "us", this would be our first argument.

I didn't like it.

"Clearly, I'm jumping to conclusions because of my insecurities and thats something I have to work on. I don't want you to think that I need to know every detail of your life. I should be able to trust you and I promise that I will work on it. Besides you haven't given me a reason to doubt you yet so…."

He trails off as he scoots closer to me on the couch. He reaches out for my hand and says...

"I'm truly sorry Bella."

I know he means it.

"Okay, I should get going."

I stand up letting go of his hand and start walking towards the door I have to stop and look around for my jacket.

"You don't hav-"Edward started to say when my phone rang.

Charles.

I pick up because I think it will be easier to be on the phone and walk away without showing how truly upset I still am.

"Charlie, sorry I missed your phone call earlier."

I can tell he's nervous as he asks if we can finally meet. I want to, I wanted Edward with me but now I don't know if I'm ready to deal with both of them.

"I could go down to Seattle or maybe you would like to venture out to Port Angeles, the choice is yours whatever you would like Bella."

"How far is Port Angeles from Seattle? The only reason I ask is because I don't have a car yet so I would have to make arrangements."

Charlie insists on coming down to Seattle but I think I would like to see his home and how he lives. How I would have grown up.

"I can take you." I hear Edward say over my shoulder.

Covering the phone I turn around and look at him. He is standing there with both hands in his pocket looking like a little boy trying to make things right.

"You don't have to, I can figure it out." I don't mean to sound cold but I guess I'm still frustrated with him.

"Bella please don't do this, I'm sorry please let me take you. I know where Port Angeles is, the town before Forks. I would love to share this with you unless you want this to be just for you, which I get."

There was nothing else that I wanted but to share this with him I was just waiting for the right time.

"Fine." I tell him as I go back to speaking to Charlie.

"So, if you don't mind my boyfriend just offered to take me he knows how to get there."

"That's great, let's just settle on the day and I'll have everything ready we could do lunch or dinner whatever you like Bella."

"I'll call you back with the details by tomorrow."

Once I hang up I'm back to getting my coat on when Edward breaks the silence.

"Bella if you don't want me to go I could have Rose or Emmett drive you." I could hear the sincerity in his voice.

"Edward I don't want anyone else but you with me."

I really don't want to be_ that_ girlfriend that expects him to grovel or keep apologizing this conflict is partly my fault as well.

We look at each other and in a few steps were holding each other tight.

"I'm sorry," we both say at the same time.

That's all it takes, we both made bad judgment calls I should have opened up to him about Charlie and he shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.

"We could go this weekend?"

"How about the following weekend? I've waited 19 years I think I could wait a few more weeks."

"We could make a weekend out of it, go up to Forks so you get to see the house and we can take A.J. I'm sure Aunt Esme wouldn't mind keeping an eye on him for the afternoon while we go see your dad."

"That sounds nice."

We walk hand in hand back to the McCarthy's. A.J is watching some show with the twins when we arrive. Emmett gives us a big smile while Rosalie's doesn't quite reach her eyes. I know she worries about us both. She has stressed to both of us more than once to take things slow and be careful. I try to explain to her that I know this is it, I know he is it for me. I just have to convince all of them.

Especially Edward.

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><p><strong>AN: life has been a bit hectic lately so I apologize for wait on these last few chapters. I would like to Thank you all who left a reviews I was unable to get to reply but I just want you to know I read all and love all. Just around 2 or 3 more plus the epi.**

**THANK YOU FOR READING REVIEW IF YOU MUST.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Didn't Dream it don't Own it.**

**JMac3 as always I appreciate the time you take to take a look at this and just help me make it clearer and better.**

**Sorry for the wait…**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**Chapter 28**

**EPOV**

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><p>The holidays went by in a daze and I nearly missed them in between my first misunderstanding with Bella, the shop, and everything regarding the custody situation with A.J. The past two months have just flown by.<p>

After the whole, "Charles" phone debacle, which I was mostly responsible for, I knew that we really had to be completely honest with each other about everything. It's not that I didn't trust her but after all the bullshit I've dealt with no one could blame me for being a little cautious.

My mistake was to assume something terrible regarding that phone call Bella received that day. Bella deserves better treatment than me questioning her morals.

After Thanksgiving, we took the trip to Forks. A.J thought it to be "very cool" that Bella was going with us, not realizing at his young age that the trip was actually for her. He spent the day with my Aunt and Uncle while Bella and I went to meet her dad.

Charles, or "Charlie" as he asked us to refer to him as, is a simple man with a calming presence yet very to the point. Yet the moment he laid his eyes on his long lost daughter the man was a goner.

It was hard not to notice the resemblance. Bella has shown me pictures of her mother and her and I never saw much that tied them together besides them both being females, but minus the porn stash Charlie was rocking they both have that silent strength that is very subtle but you definitely see it, feel it.

I almost felt like an intruder in their moment but Bella assured me that she wouldn't have been able to do it by herself.

Charlie wanted to ask more when we touched on the subject of our relationship. I'm sure the age difference that is apparent was one of those things he wanted to touch on but I saw how he held back on his questions. It probably was the fact that he is just entering her life and doesn't want to rock the boat with her.

He told us about working at The Docks in Port Angeles. Big business you could say was the importing and exporting through them. It's what kept that town moving financially.

Charles also told us a story of a boy who fell in love with a girl. He would have given anything for her and as far as he knew she felt the same way. There was never any sign of problems or discontentment he went on to explain.

"_I just woke up one morning and my life was gone. You were only a few months old __Bella__ …then, when I found the letter sitting on the kitchen counter." He gets up and walks out of the living room and a few minutes later he's back with an envelope. "I was never able to toss it; it was the only thing I had left. And although in it she told me you weren't mine I didn't care I still wanted you back, Bella."_

_My sweet girl__ let go of my hand and stood u, embracing the man who was always ready to love her even if she wasn't his._

I couldn't help but notice the parallel life I shared with Charles. The only difference is that she is his and yes a lot of time has passed but now they found each other. Ironically enough the one that separated them brought them back together.

"_I'm so angry at her," Bella states as she's still holding on to her father. _

"_Look I don't condone what she did and it's hard for me to sit here and pretend that I don't hold a grudge with her but at least she did something good; she picked up the phone and called me." Charles says as he backs up a little bit to look into his daughters eyes. Lifting up his hand and cupping her face brushing off the tears __staining Bella's delicate face._

They didn't dwell on what could have been, what should have been. They made a point to start their memories with this meeting. The beginning of their father daughter relationship and it was very cathartic to witness.

I guess in a way I finally could see or maybe understand Jasper Whitlock. He didn't know about his son and when he found out he did what any father (or at least any good father) would do and that would be to fight for his child. It didn't mean that I would back off because as much as I wanted A.J to be mine I couldn't change the blood test. But I would never give up, I just wished he could be less of an ass and we could come to an understanding between both of us.

The court will definitely have a winner and a loser but if we, as adults, could just come to a reasonable understanding we could both benefit from A.J being in our lives. The last thing I want to do is hurt my son or make things difficult for him to grow up in a stable environment.

While finishing the last details on the current paint job I'm working on, I can hear Jessica call me through the intercom. Leaving the paint machine with Seth so he could do the last details I need, I head in to the reception area.

I thought it was going to be Bella since we agreed to have lunch together so imagine my surprise when it is not my beautiful girlfriend waiting for me, its Whitlock.

I really don't feel like getting into it with him.

"What are you doing here?" I ask sounding just like I feel, irritated.

The last few times we've had the dissatisfaction of interacting with each other his arrogance would seep through every pore of his body, but not today. The confidant man I've met with before is not the one standing in my place of business. The world's weight is noticeably resting on his shoulders.

"I'm here to talk." He started "I don't want to argue or fight with you."

What is up with the Whitlock's just showing up in my business like it's the thing to do?

Taking a deep breath I lead him to my office.

_Déjà__ vu much._

As I did with his wife I offer him something to drink but he declines so I insist that he take a seat, because knowing us this is not going to be a two minute exchange.

"So, what can I do for you?" I ask trying to sound a little bit tolerant of his presence.

"Look, Mr. Cullen…Edward I really want to have this relationship with my son. I didn't know about him and I know that you could have just not said anything about him being mine but you did, and for that I will forever be grateful. You had a choice, you could have kept it to yourself but you did the right thing. I understand that my approach of the whole thing was not the best and for that I want to apologize. "

"I know that it's not going to change how you feel about me or vice versa but I am man enough to look back at my behavior and realize I could have definitely handled it differently. My wife, Maria, is giving me an ultimatum."

The urge to go outside and definitely check my sign just to make sure that it states that this is in fact a Auto Shop and not some marriage counseling service crosses my mind.

"Look I have stressed that I don't want A.J to feel any type of resentment from anyone so if your wife is-"

"That's the thing I don't want that either and well, she is giving me an ultimatum of either A.J or her and Brea. That's my daughter." He explains.

"Look, Mr. Whitlck, I don't care to know the inner workings of your relationship at home. All I know is that you're fighting for A.J but your life is up in the air. How do you plan on providing him a stable home life when your wife is ready to walk out on you if you pursue the situation with A.J?"

"I want to be part of his life but I don't want to lose my daughter in the process. Maria would go back to Mexico without giving it a second thought."

"You do know that's illegal right? She wouldn't be able to leave without your permission."

"I do but I really want us to work, they're all I have besides A.J and the reason I came to speak to you today is to ask…if I agree to back out of the custody arrangement with the courts, would it be okay if I could still get to know A.J? " He pleads.

I silently shake my head and close my eyes. I have to wonder if this asshole realizes what he's about to give up? He's choosing his wife over his own flesh and blood. He could easily have a relationship with both of his children, but he's choosing a life with a heartless bitch instead. A heartless bitch that'll turn around and divorce his ass and run away to Mexico anyway by the sounds of her.

"Let me get this straight, you're going to back away from the custody battle but would still like the opportunity to interact with him? Is that right?"

After a deep breath he continues. "I know that this is weird and after all the shit I've said and done in the past few months I have no right to ask you for any favors but for the sake of A.J, I would love to be part of his life. I just have to be able to maintain my family from breaking apart."

Why couldn't he wait until we were in court or at least with our lawyers to discuss this clearly and not my place of work but I don't want him to back down on this. If he just wants to know A.J, spend some time with him but I get to keep him, I'll take it.

I lean back on my chair and keep my gaze steady while he sits across from me with the most pathetic look on his face.

_Defeat_

He looks defeated.

Finally I speak up, trying my best to keep the excitement out of my voice. "Let's get or lawyers together and explain the situation that you have presented to me. I can work with you if you promise to not change your mind a week, months or years from now and decided to take him from me."

"Look Edward, I want the best for him too and I have also thought about the fact that you're all he knows. As long as I have access to him and I'm able to build our bond I promise to never try and take him away but this would go both ways."

Before any other words are exchanged there is a knock at the door, Emmett's head slowly makes its way in.

"Sorry to interrupt but I didn't hear any yelling or threats. Was just checking to see who had suffocated who since it's been calm and quiet." He says sarcastically as he shifts his eyes back and forth between me and Whitlock.

"Please come in Emmett I'm glad you stopped by I actually want to let you in on what Mr. Whitlock comes to offer.

Emmett's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion as he steps fully into my office. I explain to him what Whitlock has placed on the table and for once Emmett keeps himself in check.

"For the first time I think you're thinking like a father and not some spoiled kid that wanted a toy back." Emmett says to Whitlock.

I'm surprised that he stated that but I know he is keeping it "real" as he likes to remind me.

"Yeah, I realized that I could have approached this differently and I wasn't thinking straight, I was frustrated and mad at the fact that Alice kept him from me."

_He feels duped my Alice? Join the club!_

"We should have our lawyers meet up and handle this as soon as possible. I don't want to continue this back and forth in the courts when I could be devoting my time to A.J."

"I couldn't agree more, I've already spoken to my lawyer and I'm sure he is already working on the necessary paper work he needs to file."

I want to trust that he won't back track and surprise me with changing his mind because if there is one thing I've learned from this process, he tends to do it a lot; but I can't help but feel that this time he means it.

Who would have thought that his wife was the one that was going to help me keep my son? I get that he wants to still have some visitation and I'm okay with it but at least I know he will be with me most of the time.

_Relief_

My body feels like it's been working an uphill battle for months and the weight of the world right on top of my shoulders, but with this I feel lighter and somehow I can't find it in me to hate Jasper Whitlock.

Soon as the goodbyes are said my hand is grabbing the phone to call Jenks. It turns out that Whitlock's lawyer has already contacted him and informed him of the new development.

My heart is beating fast and I'm okay with Jasper and A.J knowing each other. The only thing that prompted me to say anything to Whitlock about him being A.J's biological father was because I didn't want resentment from A.J. I didn't want to do to him what Bella's mom did to her.

But somehow God didn't forget me on this painful road and I get to keep my son.

Emmett is filling Rosalie in on what has happened since I'm somewhat rendered speechless, until I see the sweetest smile come through my door.

_Bella_

I don't say anything, instead I leap out of my chair and pick her up and spin her as she is telling me to put her down.

"Edward, what's going on with you?" She laughs while looking at me like I've completely lost my shit.

I can't help but just look at her and grab her face and pull her in for a good kiss and when I mean a good kiss I'm talking about my tongue is invading every point inside her mouth because I realize I'm unable to just push her against the wall and fuck the shit of her.

In the moment of just enjoying my girlfriend I hear a familiar voice.

"Daddy?"

I pull away slowly from Bella as her eyes grew wide and a little dazed.

"A.J wasn't feeling well so I had to pick him up from school." Bella says as her face flushes from the embarrassing position my son just caught us in.

"Can Bella be my new Mommy now?" He asks curiously.

Again I'm speechless but for a completely different reason.

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><p><strong>AN: A bit shorter than usual but it felt right to end it hear. Already started the next chapter and (fingers cross) hopefully I'll have that up sooner than this one.**

**2 or 3 more..**

**THANK YOU FOR READING REVIEW IF YOU MUST.**


	29. Chapter 29

**For those still reading thank you. RL has been interesting and w/o a laptop well I was unable to keep up with the schedule I had for this fic. But I guess it's better late than never.**

**Chapter has not been betad so all errors mine sorry.**

**Again I apologize for the delay and here is the last chapter before the Epi.**

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><p><strong>All the Days After<strong>

**BPOV**

**Chapter 29**

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><p>I'm sitting down on Edward's bed as he paces back and forth. He's been doing it for the last ten minutes; I don't know why he can't calm down? It's been a couple of months since Mr. Whitlock has been here every other week to spend a few hours with A.J. But today Edward seems a little off.<p>

_After the great walk-in in the shop of A.J seeing us both in compromising position things have become so much better. Edward explained to A.J that in fact we were seeing each other but to hold off on calling me anything but Bella._

_I didn't get hurt by that I get it. _

_Really if we ever get married that's when he can. I don't tell Edward that A.J has asked if he could just call me that in front of his friends when I pick him up. As much as I love him I could not allow that. The look on his face broke my heart but it's not my choice to make._

_The moment Edward explained to me that there was going to be no more fighting between him and Mr. Whitlock I was relieved. I prayed every day that he could keep his son and my prayers were answered._

_After all the paper work and some meetings with both lawyers everything was settled regarding the custody. Soon after all paper work was field the visitations started. The first weekend that Mr. Whitlock arrived Edward thought he would be able to sit through it but five minutes into introductions Edward walked out and stayed in the back yard for the remainder of the visit._

_I knew it would take him some time to get used to seeing them together. Although it's been months it's not an easy task to sit there and constantly be reminded of the betrayal. After Mr. Whitlock left A.J asked me where is daddy was sending him to the back yard I followed him just to the point of the sliding door. I saw when A.J ran to him and hugged him not letting Edward have a word A.J just talked to him about all the cool stuff he got. How soon he would get to meet his sister although he just wanted a brother but he would give her a chance he assured Edward. I didn't want to intrude in their time. I made myself scarce by picking the living room. _

_A smile crept up on my face as Edward notices me looking at them. The look of relief in his eyes was evident. Later on once A.J went to sleep Edward sheared all the amusing anecdotes A.J expressed to him earlier. _

_Grabbing his hand and intertwining our fingers I rest my head on his shoulder and reassure him that what he has with A.J is strong and will just keep getting stronger as time passes by, because I see the insecurity hiding behind his demeanor of self-assured man. _

"_Edward it will get easier, the whole situation. I mean I think you're doing an amazing job and all has been in less than a year. Anybody else would have thrown in the towel not to deal with any of this but you are incredible."_

"_Bella you sure know how to bust up confidence. I don't feel what you see to be honest I don't know how I've done it without completely losing it. Oh, wait I know because I have you by my side."_

_He tells me as I lift my head up to meet his eyes and he leans in for a kiss._

"_We are so lame" I say busting up laughing._

"_Lame? Why? "_

_I kiss him again but this time I make it a point that I need him more than anything right know. I slowly bring my hands up and wrap them around his neck and make my way over his lap and straddle him. _

"_Mmm…somebody wants to play tonight." He murmurs against my lips._

"_I always want to play with you." _

_I would have never guessed to be so forward or blunt about wanting to get any. But it's so easy to get lost in him. _

_In all honestly I don't know how I control myself half of the time. There has been a few times where we have to sneak away and have "quickies" ._

_The best one was against the wall in the kitchen one night when we were all over Rose and Emmett's having a movie night. Edward had to step out for some fresh air and I joined him. Well one thing led to another that led to Edward pinning my between his hard body and the hard wall. Scrunching up my skirt all the way to my waist and simply just moving my panties to the side she slid in me fast and hard._

_The noises coming out of my mouth where embracing but the way he slipped in and out of me making my whole body feel every inch of him hitting every spot it needed to hit._

_Bringing me back to the moment I feel his strong hands make their way up my shirt and slowly remove it off me. His slow kisses lingering on every part of my skin he touches and selectively lets his tongue come out and taste me._

_Taste me; he has in so many ways. I've come more comfortable with myself and him and the act of him "tasting me" no longer makes me blush like some virgin loon I've learned to enjoy every aspect of it._

_I have ventured myself into that territory and when the thought first crossed my mind I must admit it was a hard one to swallow._

_No pun intended._

_Once passed the initial shock of it all I've made it a mission to become so good on giving him head that he will never forget it._

_Before things get a little bit out of control I suggest we head up stairs to his room. Practically jumping off the couch he drags me upstairs. Soon as we enter the room he pushes the door shut with his foot as he desperately takes everything off._

_Usually his all about the foreplay about slowly kissing me everywhere about is hands delicately touch every part of my body. How he takes his time on acknowledging my breast in his warm mouth. How he sometimes kisses down my body until he reaches my warmth and shows me how it always feels when he makes love to me no matter what anatomy he is currently using._

_Not today his kisses are rough and nothing about them is love but desire._

_I like when he doesn't ask if I want it. He just takes it and I'm willing to give him whatever he wants. _

_Slipping my panties down and pushing me down to the bed and covering me up with his body I feel at home as his hands grip the back of my thighs and lift my legs up and he centers himself in between them._

_His hungry kisses are traveling down my throat and small bites are being interjected as I feel him enter me._

_Each inch of him that slides in me makes me vocal and I just can't imagine being with anybody else. Once I feel all of him in me we start the fast pace of thrusting in and out and every time feels like the first._

_Between losing our self's in each other I end up on top. It's taken time for me to feel comfortable but he always makes everything easy. I can see him losing the battle but doesn't want to go without me reaching my own first._

_His fingers reach me and start rubbing so I complete fully and it feels divine the way the heat reaches my whole body and I bite my lower lip so I contain the noise that is trying to escape._

_Right after I feel him filling me with his release and I slowly lay on top of him as we enjoy the bliss._

_Feels like hours have past but it's only been one and we haven't moved. I should clean up but being cuddled up with him is the best feeling ever._

"_Bella_?"

"_Hmmm."_

_I feel his fingers slowly caressing my back._

"_Thank you."_

"_For what? " I ask a little confused._

"_For…everything you've made my life a little brighter not mine but also A.J's. I feel that without you I would have lost it."_

"_If it weren't for me you would have never found out maybe. "_

_It's the truth I'm sure he would have just let all her things sit there._

"_I'm glad I found out. The idea of her was so wrong; anger still resonates when I think about her. I still wish I would have known when she was alive. But the only good thing she did was give me him. Like I've said many times he is my son and nothing or no one could change that."_

"_I never met her and I feel like I hate her." I say slowly looking up at him "I'm sorry it's just when I read her journal the whole thing was she saw you as her best friend and didn't want to hurt you. But because you were her best friend she should have been honest with you. She should have let you know that her feelings had changed."_

"_I've thought about that and even though I'm sure it would have hurt like hell to hear it I would have respected the fact that she would have respected our relationship. But she chose the coward way. She chose to be a liar instead of an honest person."_

_After a few minutes of silence he spoke up again._

"_Bella, I just ask one thing of you."_

_I pushed myself off him and sat up to look at him completely. He mirrored me and sat up as well leaning on to the headboard._

"_What's that?"_

"_To just be honest that's all I ask. If you have a change of heart let me know. Don't pretend its going to go away. Don't make sure something is going to work with someone else before you let me go. Just don't break my heart."_

_I open my mouth to respond but he gestured me to wait._

"_Because I know I haven't said it to you but I love you. I love you so much that it truly scares me. I'm not saying this because Alice cheated on me but what I feel for you is bigger than what I felt for her."_

_The look on his face the sincerity in his voice I always knew it. When someone loves you they don't have to say it it's all over the way they look at you._

_I crawl over to him and straddle him._

"_Edward I love you so much that I know how you feel. I ask the same of you I know you will let me know if things change for you but trust me I respect our friendship and our relationship enough to be honest with myself and you. "_

_But at 19 years old I knew he was the one. The thought of anybody else is almost blasphemy and if for whatever reason we aren't meant to be I will never hurt him like that. He deserves better he deserves truth and respect._

"Can you stop pacing and tell me what has you like this?" I ask him.

"its starting Bella" he answers me sounding frustrated.

"What exactly is starting?"

"The fact that I'm losing my son."

"What do you mean? Is Whitlock trying to take him again?"

"Yes"

"What?"

"Sorry not like that but A.J just asked me if he could spend the night over with him and his sister."

"Oh….okay."

"Don't you see that's how it starts spending the night once in a while it will move on to monthly, weekly and next thing you know A.J won't want to come back to me."

Bingo.

"And that's not even the half of it. Whitlock's wife hates him."

"Edward let's not jump to conclusions."

"I'm not she can't let go of the fact that he cheated. A.J is a reminder a very alive reminder that he did that to her. I don't blame her for being upset but I don't want her taking it out on him."

"Talk to Whitlock and express your concern and maybe it's too soon for A.J to be sleeping over anyway."

Edward takes a deep breath and I can see him calming down.

"Thank you" he tells me.

I just give him a hug and let him call Whitlock and explain how things will be done.

So far it's been okay between them. Whitlock always wants more but Edward is there to control what happens or doesn't happen. He is trying to do his best and I think he is doing a great job at it.

While Edward handles his fatherly duties I get a call of my own parent.

My mother, it's been a steady climb to rebuilding or actually cementing a true relationship between us. I've been able to convince her to move back to Seattle and I've already started looking for jobs she can apply at. Convincing Edward that moving in with my mother was the best choice for me right now was another story.

When I first mention it he didn't like it even offering me to move in with me if I didn't want to live at Rose and Em's house but that wasn't it at all. I want to work at becoming a strong unit with my mother. I assured him that I will still be around my job was still taking care of the kids and come fall I will start going to school.

I was going to start off with just one class and work my way from there. Plus I wanted my time with Edward to remain the same. As it is we don't spent as much time as we would like because of the shop and everything else going on with us.

But I was happy I felt that the best decision I ever made was moving here. Every day I call the Blacks and thank them for everything they did for me. If it weren't for them I wouldn't have found this amazing family.

I wouldn't have found this amazing man.

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><p><strong>AN: THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEW IF YOU MUST.**

**Epi Hopefully in two weeks.**

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